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The E.Newspaper
By Dr. Howdy, Ph.D.
A.P.E., N.U.T.

************************
Check Out Comments -
Humor + Letters From Readers
Add Something Yourself
************************

Thursday

 


A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island
in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the
sand with a piece of paper in it.

Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands
withdrew the message.

"Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it
necessary to cancel your e-mail account."







Comments:
CRUISING
------------
These are true stories from someone who works on a cruise ship.

1. (For this one, you have to know that it's really
easy to get lost in the maze of corridors and
elevators on a ship.) A lady asked if this elevator
went to the front of the ship.

2. Two elderly women were staring at the numbers of
the floors listed above the elevator door. When asked
if they needed any assistance with something, one
asked how they were going to be able to reach way up
there to push the button for their floor.

3. A newlywed couple, after bringing their luggage
into their cabin, stormed down to the desk. The bride
was in tears, and the groom was red faced. When asked
what the problem was, the groom started swearing at
the desk clerk. "We booked a cabin with a view for
our honeymoon, and all we get to see out the window is a parking lot!"

4. There was some mix-up with a woman's room. The
clerk (or whatever they are called on ships) was
trying to remedy the situation. He asked, "Would you
like an inside cabin or an outside cabin?" She
replied, "Well, it looks like it might rain today.
I'd better get an inside cabin."

5. Two women were sitting by the pool, and one asked
what kind of water they fill the pool with -- fresh
water or sea water? The cruise director answered,
"Sea water." "Oh, that explains why it's so rough today."

6. Someone -- always a man -- always asks, "does the
ship run on generators?" The Cruise Director usually
tells them, "No, we just have a very long power line running to the mainland."

7. "What do you do with the ice sculptures after they melt?"
 
A LIST OF VERY SHORT BOOKS:

1) A Guide to Arab Democracies
2) A Journey through the Mind of Dennis Rodman
3) Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean
4) Career Opportunities for History Majors
5) Book of Virtues by Bill Clinton
6) Detroit - A Travel Guide
7) Different Ways to Spell "Bob"
8) Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches
9) Easy UNIX
10) Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance
11) Everything Men Know About Women
12) French Hospitality
13) Al Gore: The Wild Years
14) How to Sustain a Musical Career by Art Garfunkel
15) Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette
17) Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA
18) Popular Lawyers
19) Staple Your Way to Success
20) The Amish Phone Book
 
Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived a blind little
bunny
and a blind little snake. One day, the bunny was hopping through the
forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny
tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake
about quite a bit.

"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt
you.

I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact,
I
don't even know what I am."

"It's quite okay," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the
same
as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth. Tell you what, maybe I
could kinda slither over you, and figure out what you are, so at least
you'll have that going for you."

"Oh, that would be wonderful," replied the bunny.
So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're
covered
with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you
have a
soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny."

"Oh thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny in obvious excitement. The
bunny
suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you with my paw, and help
you
the same way you've helped me."

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're scaly
and
very smooth, you have a forked tongue, and no backbone. I'd say
you
must be either a politician, a lawyer, or someone in upper management."
 
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* * * Great Archives Here - - - - "Music That H Enjoys" Below * * *

* * * Great Archives Here - - - - "Music That Howdy Enjoys" Below * * *

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Jesus and The Da Vinci Code

How Can I Know God???

Tales of Narnia

Answering Islam

The Da Vinci Code

A Short Look At Six World Religions

Bible - God's Word in different languages...

Bible Study Info

Christian Web Info

Don't Be Left Behind

For The University Crowd

Hard Questions Answered

How to become a Christian

Mr. Contoversial

Great For Kids

Stories For Kids

Bible Knowledge Challenge

The Young Earth Club

Who Is Jesus???

Christian Apologetics

Christian Web Info

God Bless The USA

Great Christians In History

History of American Christianity

Bible Instructions

RBC

Dr. Ben Haden

Bible Search Tools

Kids For Truth

Lincoln - A Christian

Mission To America

One Place For Learning

Our Daily Bread

President Lincoln

Red Skelton's Pledge of Allegiance

Intellectual Takeout

Evangelical Viewpoint

Dr. John Vernon McGee

Insight For Living

Turning Point

Outstanding Bible Teacher

Dr. Tony Evans

Listen To The Bible

Is Jesus God?

Great Bible Teaching

*America - Why I Love Her - Big John Wayne*

The Church & Israel

How To Become A Christian

*Watch The Jesus Movie*

Fireworks

Your very own library

Muhammad or Jesus???

Why The U.S.A. Is At War - 1

Why The U.S.A. Is At War - 2

Christian Women

Is Jesus God?

Statement Of What Howdy Believes!!!

Bible Crosswords

Great Bible Teacher

All About Cults

Religion Comparison

The Relationship of the Church to Israel

Just For Guys

Church History

***Watch The Jesus Movie***
{Many Languages}





Music That Ho Enjoys



God Bless America - Kate Smith

Military Music

Boston Pops: God Bless America

This Land Is Your Land

Blue Moon

Say A Prayer

Hawaii Five O

LawOrder

The Battle Of New Orleans

Beverly Hillbillies

Indiana Jones

James Bond

Jaws

Magnum

Mission Impossible

Peter Gunn

Rocky

Singing In The Rain

Star Wars

Top Gun

Peggy Sue

Downtown

Elvis

Chuck Berry

Rock Around The Clock

Dueling Guitars

Blueberry Hill

A Taste Of Honey - clip

(I Left My Heart) In San Francisco - clip

Take The 'A' Train - clip

Hello, Dolly! - clip

Peggy Sue - clip

Theme From Peter Gunn - clip

Song from Moulin Rouge

MalagueƱa

Ebb Tide

Tara's Theme from Gone with the Wind

Around the World in 80 Days

Breakfast at Tiffany's

Charade

The Way We Were

You Do Something to Me

SWonderful

Adios

A Foggy Day

Amor

Anna

Arrivederci Roma

Theme from Moulin Rouge II

Stardust - Big Band

Bolero

Brazil

Rhapsody in Blue

Sleepy Lagoon

My Foolish Heart

Lisbon Antigua

La Mer

April in Portugal

Because of You

Poor People of Paris

Unchained Melody

Stranger on the Shore

Solace

Maple Leaf Rag

Voices of Spring

Emperor Waltz

Radetzky March

Water Music (Excerpt) George Frideric Handel

Finale - William Tell Overture

Overture - My Fair Lady

The Rain in Spain

The Lonely Bull - Herb Alpert

Tijuana Taxi - Herb Alpert

The Happy Whistler

So Rare

Mona Lisa

Ghost Riders in the Sky

Walk, Don't Run

Wonderland by Night

Canadian Sunset

Blue Tango

The Happy Wanderer

Down Yonder

Midnight in Moscow

Crazy Medley

Tequila

That's for Me

Quiet Village

Harbor Lights

Dueling Banjoes II

Autumn Leaves

My Foolish Heart

Don't Know Much

I WALK THE LINE

EL PASO

TENNESSEE WALTZ

STAND BY YOUR MAN

ON THE ROAD AGAIN

Close To You

Rainy Days & Mondays

Sing A Song

Yesterday Once More

We've Only Just Begun

Goodbye To Love

Only You

As Time Goes By

As Time Goes By II

As Time Goes By - Original

After Loving

San Francisco

Stranger In Paradise

Mrs. Howdy

Rags To Riches

The Good Life

Hello Dolly

All Of Me

Thank Heaven For Little Girls

Beyond The Sea

Everybody Loves

Return To Me

That's Amore

Autumn Leaves

Love Me With All Your Heart

If I Give My Heart To You

Autumn Leaves II

Autumn Leaves III

See The USA

My Prayer

You Always Hurt

Take Me Out To The Ballgame

Love Me Tender

Its Now Or Never

Old Shep

Dont Be Cruel

When I Fall In Love

When I Fall In Love II

When I Fall In Love III

A Fool Such As I

You'll Never Know

Fascination

I'm Yours

Wish You Were Here

Lady Of Spain

CanadianSunset

It's Magic

Secret Love

This Magic Moment

My Prayer

Twilight Time

Great Pretender

Harbor Lights

Little Darlin'

Wanted

No Other Love

Magic Moments

Till The End Of Time

Dont Let The Stars

Overture - Barber of Seville

Back In The Saddle

You Always Hurt

When I Fall

When A Man

True Love

Sincerely

Sweetheart

In The Mood

A Taste Of Honey

The Lonely Bull

Lollipops And Roses

This Guys In Love With You

What Now My Love

Three Coins In The Fountain

You've Gotta Have Heart

HeartOfMyHeart

Stranger In Paradise II

Love Is...

Unforgettable

Georgia On My Mind

Sentimental Over You

Thanks For The Memories

Too Young

Because

Never On Sunday

Yellow Rose Of Texas

Windy

My Little Corner

Speak Low

Moments To Remember

HernandosHideaway

Be My Love

Embassy Waltz

Misty

A Certain Smile

Chances Are

Not For Me To Say

Stranger On The Shore

I'll Be Seeing You

Cherry Pink

Downtown

Moonlight Serenade

Last Date

Naughty Lady

Til I Kissed You

All I Have To Do Is Dream

Dixie Land Band

Ghost Riders In The Sky

The Happy Wanderer

Lollipops

Santa Catalina

Band Of Gold

Auld Lang Syne

The Wayward Wind

P.S. I Love You

Harbor Lights

Ebb Tide

Lime Light

Green Door

My Heart Cries

Down Yonder

Silvana Mangano Anna

Does Your Chewing Gum?

Grand Night For Singing

Purple People Eater

Orange Blossom Special

I'll Get By

'Til Then

Katie At UNC

Love Letters

As Time Goes By

Cheek To Cheek

Mission Impossible

The Way You Look Tonight

Frenesi

Glad To Be An American

Battle Hymn Of The Republic

How Great Thou Art

Have Thine Own Way

Beyond The Sunset

Amazing Grace

He's Got The Whole World

Peace In The Valley

How Great Thou Art II

Stars & Stripes Forever

Tennessee Waltz

Beverly Hillbillies Theme

El Paso

Happy Trails

Big John

Sixteen Tons

Which Doctor?

Wonderful! Wonderful!

Misty

Gina

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Mr. Sandman

Bad Leroy

Only The Lonely

Pachelbel

Magnificent 7

Magnificent 7 - II

Rawhide

I Walk The Line


God loves you so much that He died for you!!!



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Verse of the Day




* * * Four important things to KNOW: #1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned & fall short of the glory of God. #2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal separation from God, & damnation) but the Gift (free & at no charge to you) of God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in union with) Jesus Christ (God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah, Prince of Peace & Savior of the World). #3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone, anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes (trust in, relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven). #4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE. No one (male/female - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist, Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives) to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through) ME (no other name). *** This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - - (Rev. 3:20) {Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good things, etc. are not requirements for becoming a Christian - however they are great afterwards!!!} *** Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment), and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness, forever with God), and only a few find it.




D I S C L A I M E R If someone should ask if it's legal to download songs
found on various non-commercial sites, such as this one.

Well, I'm neither a lawyer nor a technician,
and I've begun to wonder if it was legal for
us to tape music off the radio back when
tape recorders first came into being.

And were we committing a crime when we recorded
a movie shown on TV with our VCRs? And was it
really legal to buy a dual-deck recorder for the
express purpose of duplicating cassettes?

My answer to all of the above is, "I don't know."

Nonetheless, here is a formal statement in
some kind of legalize that appears to apply
to this kind of file availability:

The songs on this site are copyrighted by their respective artists and are placed here
for evaluation purposes only. No profits or sales are made on this site from their use.

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