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The E.Newspaper
By Dr. Howdy, Ph.D.
A.P.E., N.U.T.

************************
Check Out Comments -
Humor + Letters From Readers
Add Something Yourself
************************

Tuesday

 


Two UNC grads went hunting & were dragging their dead deer
back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too.
"Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something...
but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in
the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."

After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.

A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know,
that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"

"Yeah," the other added, "but we're getting farther away from the truck...."






Comments:
April 27, 1956
Born Rocco Marchegiano, heavyweight champion Rocky Marciano announced his
retirement from boxing. With a 49-0 professional record, he was the only
heavyweight boxer to retire undefeated. 90 percent of his 49 straight
victories were won by knockouts.
 
Travel Agent Terms
TRANSLATION

Old world charm ............ Room with no TV, radio and only 1 light.
Tropical ........................ Rainy.
Majestic setting ........... A long way from town, at end of dirt road.
Options galore ............. Nothing is included in the price.
Secluded hideaway .......Directions to locate unclear.
Some budget rooms .....Sorry, already occupied.
Explore on your own .....At your own expense.
Minutes From ???...........By Plane
Romantic ...................... No Phone in room
Knowledgeable trip hosts ... They've flown in an airplane before.
No extra fees .............. No extras available.
Bird Watchers Paradise...... Your car's paint will never be the same
Nominal fee ................. Outrageous charge.
Standard ..................... Sub-standard.
Deluxe ........................ Barely Standard.
Superior accommodations..... One complimentary chocolate, free shower cap.
All the amenities ......... Two chocolates, two shower caps.
Just Like Home............. No Maid service.
Plush ........................... Both top and bottom sheets, bed shakes.
Gentle breezes ........... In hurricane alley.
Light and airy .............. No air conditioning.
Picturesque ................ Theme park nearby.
24-hour bar ................ Ice cubes at additional cost (when available).
 
The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened
with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" it said.
"What kind of a day are you having?"

"Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such
a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I
haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle
and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm
supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight."

The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she
said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an
hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner
for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at
your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll
do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he
ought to come home and help out for once."

"George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?"

"Why, George! Your husband! Is this 861-1200?

"No, this is 861-2100."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."

There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're
not coming over?"
 
Have you seen a scratch-n-sniff pad? You rub a hard object (like
your fingernail) along the paper and somehow an aroma is released.
You might also have seen perfume ads in magazines where you pull open
a panel and the smell comes wafting out. How does this work?

The secret is microencapsulation, a technology that is used in much
more than just scratch-n-sniff pads. The idea is to enclose minute
amounts of liquid, solid, or gas inside very tiny containers
called microcapsules. When the containers are broken, the contents
are released.

In the case of scratch-n-sniff, your fingernail breaks the tiny
capsules and the smell is released. Microcapsules are also used in
detergents, drugs, and many other places where chemicals need to be
released at controlled times.

All about microencapsulation:
http://www.swri.edu/3pubs/ttoday/summer/microeng.htm
 
CLASSIFIED ADS

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.
----------------------------------------------
FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 COCKER SPANIEL - 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
----------------------------------------------
FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART STUPID DOG
----------------------------------------------
GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lb.
SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
----------------------------------------------
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT.
BEEN OUT AWHILE.
BETTER BE REWARD.
----------------------------------------------
AMANA WASHER $100.
OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
----------------------------------------------
SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE.
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
----------------------------------------------
2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15
----------------------------------------------
TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX,
COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG,
5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800
----------------------------------------------
83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK - $2000
----------------------------------------------
STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT - $15
----------------------------------------------
FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS
WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.
----------------------------------------------
FOR SALE:
LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50
----------------------------------------------
NORDIC TRACK $300
HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY
----------------------------------------------
SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS
----------------------------------------------
HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
----------------------------------------------
GEORGIA PEACHES
CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
----------------------------------------------
NICE PARACHUTE:
NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE
SLIGHTLY STAINED
----------------------------------------------
FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.
----------------------------------------------
TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND
FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
----------------------------------------------
OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB
AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.
----------------------------------------------
LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.
----------------------------------------------
ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES
FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
----------------------------------------------
GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.
----------------------------------------------
GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.
 
36 Christian Ways To Reduce Stress

An Angel says, "Never borrow from the future. If you worry bout what may happen tomorrow and it
doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice."


1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day
unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your
time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not
enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to
places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and
difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard
things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation
is a concern, find out what God would have you do and
let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about
a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit
cards for ordinary purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet,
an extra house key buried in garden, extra stamps,
etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of
advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting
in line.
17. Get enough rest.
18. Eat right.
19. Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help
improve your quality of life.
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try
to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until
it's time to go to bed to try and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between
despair and hope is often a good "Thank you Jesus."
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at
all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are
doing the best they can).
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need
it the most).
32. Sit on your ego.
33. Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general
manager of the universe.
36 . Every night before bed, think of one thing
you're grateful for that you've never been grateful
for before.


GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU.
"If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)


Bill
 
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Jesus and The Da Vinci Code

How Can I Know God???

Tales of Narnia

Answering Islam

The Da Vinci Code

A Short Look At Six World Religions

Bible - God's Word in different languages...

Bible Study Info

Christian Web Info

Don't Be Left Behind

For The University Crowd

Hard Questions Answered

How to become a Christian

Mr. Contoversial

Great For Kids

Stories For Kids

Bible Knowledge Challenge

The Young Earth Club

Who Is Jesus???

Christian Apologetics

Christian Web Info

God Bless The USA

Great Christians In History

History of American Christianity

Bible Instructions

RBC

Dr. Ben Haden

Bible Search Tools

Kids For Truth

Lincoln - A Christian

Mission To America

One Place For Learning

Our Daily Bread

President Lincoln

Red Skelton's Pledge of Allegiance

Intellectual Takeout

Evangelical Viewpoint

Dr. John Vernon McGee

Insight For Living

Turning Point

Outstanding Bible Teacher

Dr. Tony Evans

Listen To The Bible

Is Jesus God?

Great Bible Teaching

*America - Why I Love Her - Big John Wayne*

The Church & Israel

How To Become A Christian

*Watch The Jesus Movie*

Fireworks

Your very own library

Muhammad or Jesus???

Why The U.S.A. Is At War - 1

Why The U.S.A. Is At War - 2

Christian Women

Is Jesus God?

Statement Of What Howdy Believes!!!

Bible Crosswords

Great Bible Teacher

All About Cults

Religion Comparison

The Relationship of the Church to Israel

Just For Guys

Church History

***Watch The Jesus Movie***
{Many Languages}





Music That Ho Enjoys



God Bless America - Kate Smith

Military Music

Boston Pops: God Bless America

This Land Is Your Land

Blue Moon

Say A Prayer

Hawaii Five O

LawOrder

The Battle Of New Orleans

Beverly Hillbillies

Indiana Jones

James Bond

Jaws

Magnum

Mission Impossible

Peter Gunn

Rocky

Singing In The Rain

Star Wars

Top Gun

Peggy Sue

Downtown

Elvis

Chuck Berry

Rock Around The Clock

Dueling Guitars

Blueberry Hill

A Taste Of Honey - clip

(I Left My Heart) In San Francisco - clip

Take The 'A' Train - clip

Hello, Dolly! - clip

Peggy Sue - clip

Theme From Peter Gunn - clip

Song from Moulin Rouge

MalagueƱa

Ebb Tide

Tara's Theme from Gone with the Wind

Around the World in 80 Days

Breakfast at Tiffany's

Charade

The Way We Were

You Do Something to Me

SWonderful

Adios

A Foggy Day

Amor

Anna

Arrivederci Roma

Theme from Moulin Rouge II

Stardust - Big Band

Bolero

Brazil

Rhapsody in Blue

Sleepy Lagoon

My Foolish Heart

Lisbon Antigua

La Mer

April in Portugal

Because of You

Poor People of Paris

Unchained Melody

Stranger on the Shore

Solace

Maple Leaf Rag

Voices of Spring

Emperor Waltz

Radetzky March

Water Music (Excerpt) George Frideric Handel

Finale - William Tell Overture

Overture - My Fair Lady

The Rain in Spain

The Lonely Bull - Herb Alpert

Tijuana Taxi - Herb Alpert

The Happy Whistler

So Rare

Mona Lisa

Ghost Riders in the Sky

Walk, Don't Run

Wonderland by Night

Canadian Sunset

Blue Tango

The Happy Wanderer

Down Yonder

Midnight in Moscow

Crazy Medley

Tequila

That's for Me

Quiet Village

Harbor Lights

Dueling Banjoes II

Autumn Leaves

My Foolish Heart

Don't Know Much

I WALK THE LINE

EL PASO

TENNESSEE WALTZ

STAND BY YOUR MAN

ON THE ROAD AGAIN

Close To You

Rainy Days & Mondays

Sing A Song

Yesterday Once More

We've Only Just Begun

Goodbye To Love

Only You

As Time Goes By

As Time Goes By II

As Time Goes By - Original

After Loving

San Francisco

Stranger In Paradise

Mrs. Howdy

Rags To Riches

The Good Life

Hello Dolly

All Of Me

Thank Heaven For Little Girls

Beyond The Sea

Everybody Loves

Return To Me

That's Amore

Autumn Leaves

Love Me With All Your Heart

If I Give My Heart To You

Autumn Leaves II

Autumn Leaves III

See The USA

My Prayer

You Always Hurt

Take Me Out To The Ballgame

Love Me Tender

Its Now Or Never

Old Shep

Dont Be Cruel

When I Fall In Love

When I Fall In Love II

When I Fall In Love III

A Fool Such As I

You'll Never Know

Fascination

I'm Yours

Wish You Were Here

Lady Of Spain

CanadianSunset

It's Magic

Secret Love

This Magic Moment

My Prayer

Twilight Time

Great Pretender

Harbor Lights

Little Darlin'

Wanted

No Other Love

Magic Moments

Till The End Of Time

Dont Let The Stars

Overture - Barber of Seville

Back In The Saddle

You Always Hurt

When I Fall

When A Man

True Love

Sincerely

Sweetheart

In The Mood

A Taste Of Honey

The Lonely Bull

Lollipops And Roses

This Guys In Love With You

What Now My Love

Three Coins In The Fountain

You've Gotta Have Heart

HeartOfMyHeart

Stranger In Paradise II

Love Is...

Unforgettable

Georgia On My Mind

Sentimental Over You

Thanks For The Memories

Too Young

Because

Never On Sunday

Yellow Rose Of Texas

Windy

My Little Corner

Speak Low

Moments To Remember

HernandosHideaway

Be My Love

Embassy Waltz

Misty

A Certain Smile

Chances Are

Not For Me To Say

Stranger On The Shore

I'll Be Seeing You

Cherry Pink

Downtown

Moonlight Serenade

Last Date

Naughty Lady

Til I Kissed You

All I Have To Do Is Dream

Dixie Land Band

Ghost Riders In The Sky

The Happy Wanderer

Lollipops

Santa Catalina

Band Of Gold

Auld Lang Syne

The Wayward Wind

P.S. I Love You

Harbor Lights

Ebb Tide

Lime Light

Green Door

My Heart Cries

Down Yonder

Silvana Mangano Anna

Does Your Chewing Gum?

Grand Night For Singing

Purple People Eater

Orange Blossom Special

I'll Get By

'Til Then

Katie At UNC

Love Letters

As Time Goes By

Cheek To Cheek

Mission Impossible

The Way You Look Tonight

Frenesi

Glad To Be An American

Battle Hymn Of The Republic

How Great Thou Art

Have Thine Own Way

Beyond The Sunset

Amazing Grace

He's Got The Whole World

Peace In The Valley

How Great Thou Art II

Stars & Stripes Forever

Tennessee Waltz

Beverly Hillbillies Theme

El Paso

Happy Trails

Big John

Sixteen Tons

Which Doctor?

Wonderful! Wonderful!

Misty

Gina

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Mr. Sandman

Bad Leroy

Only The Lonely

Pachelbel

Magnificent 7

Magnificent 7 - II

Rawhide

I Walk The Line


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Verse of the Day




* * * Four important things to KNOW: #1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned & fall short of the glory of God. #2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal separation from God, & damnation) but the Gift (free & at no charge to you) of God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in union with) Jesus Christ (God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah, Prince of Peace & Savior of the World). #3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone, anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes (trust in, relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven). #4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE. No one (male/female - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist, Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives) to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through) ME (no other name). *** This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - - (Rev. 3:20) {Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good things, etc. are not requirements for becoming a Christian - however they are great afterwards!!!} *** Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment), and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness, forever with God), and only a few find it.




D I S C L A I M E R If someone should ask if it's legal to download songs
found on various non-commercial sites, such as this one.

Well, I'm neither a lawyer nor a technician,
and I've begun to wonder if it was legal for
us to tape music off the radio back when
tape recorders first came into being.

And were we committing a crime when we recorded
a movie shown on TV with our VCRs? And was it
really legal to buy a dual-deck recorder for the
express purpose of duplicating cassettes?

My answer to all of the above is, "I don't know."

Nonetheless, here is a formal statement in
some kind of legalize that appears to apply
to this kind of file availability:

The songs on this site are copyrighted by their respective artists and are placed here
for evaluation purposes only. No profits or sales are made on this site from their use.

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