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The E.Newspaper By Dr. Howdy, Ph.D. A.P.E., N.U.T.
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Wednesday
A UNC grad walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object, he asks, "What is that?" The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos." The UNC grad then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." So the UNC grad buys one. The next day, he brings it to work. His boss, also a UNC grad, asks, "What is that shiny object?" He replies "It's a thermos." The boss asks, "What does it do?" "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss then asks, "What do you have in there?" "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."
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November 18, 1307 According to legend, the Swiss William Tell was forced to shoot an apple placed on his son's head after refusing to obey the commands of the tyrannical Austrian Bailiff Gessler. Tell became a hero after successfully shooting the apple, and later killing Gessler himself.
A sketch of William Tell: http://rick.stanford.edu/opera/Rossini/GuillaumeTell/picts/tell.jpg
Al and Tipper Gore were sitting down to their usual cup of morning coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets." Al got up from his coffee and said, "Well, okay."
Two days later, they were again sitting down with their cups of morning coffee and the weather forecast said, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Al got up from his coffee and said, "Well, okay."
Three days later, they were drinking their coffee and the weather forecast said, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and then the power went out and Al didn't get the rest of the instructions. He said to Tipper, "What am I going to do now, Tipper?" Tipper replied, "Oh, Al, just leave the car in the garage."