We have - Moved To: http://professor-howdy.blogspot.com/

We're Moving!!!(Be Sure & Bookmark)

2007-12-31T19:58:00.000-05:00

...because we've
filled up this blog!!!

NEW LOCATION - CLICK HERE

Remember that our archives
are still on this blog below!!!

Cool art that will mess with your head

2006-02-20T12:11:00.000-05:00

Free Howdy Humor To Your E-Mail Box

2006-02-19T16:53:00.000-05:00

Direct to your mailbox from Howdy:

Can You Figure This Out???

2006-02-16T23:05:00.000-05:00

I have just discovered how to make my computer
read your mind. So, watch out what you're thinking.
I can read your mind!!
Dr. Howdy

Amazing card trick!!!!

Dr. Howdy's Card Trick.
Performed by: Dr. Howdy.
Pick one of the following cards.
Don 't click on it; just keep it in
your head....

Now scroll down when you have your card,

Think about your card for 20 seconds in front
of Dr. Howdy - Dr. Howdy will attempt to read
your mind!

Scroll down after 20 Seconds

Dr. Howdy Has Removed Your Card!

SCARY ISN'T IT. Now scroll up and do
it again, this will freak you out.
Comments welcome!!!

The Virus - An Ultra Lite Novel

2006-02-16T14:05:00.000-05:00

The Virus (An Ultra Lite Novel by Howdy)

This Monday started like most any day but would end anything but

typical. The Weather Channel forecasted mild atmospheric conditions

(even for November) but unfolding events would soon challenge and

startle mankind as never before.

In an elaborate government building somewhere in Rome, a multitude

of dedicated world renowned computer and technology experts studied

The Virus that had already secretly infected 98% of the planet's

computers in its first stage. Up to this point, none outside this edifice

had ascertained the existence of the silent menace.

In Jerusalem, heavy crowds were milling around The Dome of the Rock,

the third holiest site to Muslims worldwide. On the other side of the

Wall, a larger than expected crowd of Jewish worshipers prayed even

as portions of the wall continued to collapse.

In New York City, the Stock Market opened slightly higher while

down in Washington - Pentagon officials poured their second cup

of Maxwell House Decaf. Further south, the last edition of The

Atlanta Journal was being prepared while further west, parents

turned toward their offices after depositing their children at school.

Work halted temporarily in the government building as the new

dynamic and charismatic leader's entourage entered. He spoke

over the JBL sound system. "Good associates, The Virus is

scheduled to be released as planned in two stages. Stage one as

you know affects all the world's primary computers while the

second will decrease the excess occupiers that have so strained

our fragile environment. Both will begin to take effect within the

hour thanks to your hard work." He will later become Time Magazine's

"Man of the Year".

Unexpected to those in Rome, The Wall in Jerusalem collapses and

thousands of Muslims lose their lives along with hundreds of Jewish

worshipers. The Dome of the Rock along with all nearby buildings of the

Islamic Faith disappear into rubble. Within moments a very great riot

commences with each side blaming the other. Syria (with Iraq's lost

WMD) & Iran ready their hidden nuclear arsenal.

With a new surprising show of unity in Beijing, Hanoi, Jakarta, Tokyo,

Pyongyang, New Delhi along with other Far East capitals, 200 million

multi-asian troops are placed on alert. Moscow prepares its revived

army for an eventual march south....very far south.

Stage one hits Wall Street, the Pentagon, Main Street and homes

across America as well as the entire Western World. Business stops

as all funds - the complete wealth of the Industrialized World - is

transferred by computer virus via the web to Rome. All modern military

weapons are now under the new leader's absolute command as well as

the world's media (Rule of Rome once again).

As the second stage of The Virus is released, millions will become sick

and die with a highly infectious disease stronger that the SARS & Ebola

viruses combined. Fortunately for some, certain large groups of people

have been quietly immunized earlier. Millions of Christians disappear at

5 PM EST (Midnight in Jerusalem) virtually unnoticed because of the

pandemonium. The controlled media is not allowed to print this story.

The President is declared lost because Air Force One is down over the

Atlantic according to managed reports but did his aircraft ever leave

Andrews Air Force Base? Is this a cover up from Rome to perhaps hide

his evanescence also? Other prominent members of the President's

Party are missing but from the other side? Exiguous.

This disappearance will go virtually unnoticed because of the manipulated

media and its potentate who controls also the world's assets & armaments -

the ultimate coup d' tat - all without a shot being fired. He will woo the planet,

restore peace to the Middle East for a short time with false promises of pro-

tection as well as rebuild a new Jewish Temple on the destroyed site. The

Islamic world will cheer because their faith has expected this great new leader.

With an appearance before nearly all mankind live on all media (TV, radio, &

even computers on-line), men, women, and children are mesmerized. Stay tuned...

http://www.lifetalk.net/2ndcoming/ee.html

After The Return of The King:

They shall beat their swords into plowshares,

And their spears into pruning hooks; Nation shall

not lift up sword against nation, Neither shall they

learn war anymore.

Isa 2:4 - Show Context

Mic 4:3 - Show Context

Howdy's New Car

2006-02-16T12:46:00.000-05:00

Do you need more???

THOUGHT!!!

RIDDLES!!!

Great Thought, Riddles, Videos

& Award Winning Humor w/o
commercial advertisements...

Updated daily!!!

Questions that really need answers...

2006-02-16T12:39:00.000-05:00

1. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

2. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is
there a song about him?

3. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains
on all fours? They're both dogs!

4. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all
that Acme stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner?

5 Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle
Little Star have the same tune?

6. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet
Soup?

7. Does pushing the elevator button more than once
make it arrive faster?

8. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

2006-02-16T09:20:00.000-05:00

Did you hear about the doctor who wrote out a prescription
in the usual doctor's fashion?

The patient used it for two years as a railroad pass.

Twice it got him into Radio City Music Hall, and once into
Yankee Stadium.

It came in handy as a letter from his employer to the cashier
to increase his salary.

And to top it off, his daughter played it on the piano and won
a scholarship to the Curtis Music Conservatory.

2006-02-16T09:08:00.000-05:00

The UNC student reported for her university final examination
that consists of yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in
the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five
minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out her
purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking
the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails.

Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of
the class is still sweating it out.

During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing
the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed,
approaches her and asks what is going on.

"I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking
my answers before lunch time."

2006-02-16T08:37:00.000-05:00

2006-02-16T08:22:00.000-05:00

Three UNC students went hunting. The first thing they
did was to get permission to hunt on a friends wooded land.
Their friend told them if they get lost to fire three times into
the air and he would come and find them and lead them out
of the woods.

After three hours of hunting, the students had not had any
luck and were tired. Not only that they were lost. The
first Carolina student fired three times into the air and sat
down to wait. After an hour, the second student got up and
fired three times into the air and sat down to wait. By this
time it was getting dark. The third UNC student got up,
fired three times into the air and said, "I sure hope he gets
here fast, I am out of arrows".

MUSLIM BITES DOG

2006-02-16T07:45:00.000-05:00

The amazing part of the great Danish cartoon caper
isn't that Muslims immediately engage in acts of mob
violence when things don't go their way. That is de
rigueur for the Religion of Peace. Their immediate
response to all bad news is mass violence. That's a
"dog bites man" story and belongs on page B-34,
next to the grade school hot lunch menu and the
birth notices.

MORE!!!

Cartoons!!!

Message2Muslims!!!

#23 - All Time Box Office Grosses - And Still Moving Up

2006-02-16T03:22:00.000-05:00

MORE!!!

Howdy's Pick For The Oscar!!!

See "comments" (just below) for movies it's blown by...

Muhammad or Jesus???

2006-02-16T02:10:00.000-05:00

vs.

A Comparison

The Lion Whips The Monkey!!! And The Goblet!!!

2006-02-16T00:04:00.000-05:00

MORE!!!

PROOF!!!

Take the great adventure to Narnia
this week with family & friends!!!

Really Corny V-Day Questions

2006-02-14T10:06:00.000-05:00

What did the boy elephant say to the girl elephant on Valentine's Day?

What did the boy bat say to the girl bat on Valentine's Day?

What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine's Day?

What did the boy pickle say to the girl pickle on Valentine's Day?

What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine's Day?

What did the boy squirrel say to the girl squirrel on Valentine's Day?

What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine's Day?

What did the boy rabbit say to the girl rabbit on Valentine's Day?

What did the letter say to the stamp?

What did the stamp say to the envelope?

What do you call a very small valentine?

What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?

ANSWERS!!!

2006-02-14T09:02:00.000-05:00

Light bulb's love declaration:
I love you a whole watt!

The Bedroom Police

2006-02-14T03:31:00.000-05:00

"University of Florida employees have to pledge
that they're having sex with their domestic partners
before qualifying for benefits under a new health
care plan at the university."

MORE!!!

Happy Valentines Day

2006-02-14T01:47:00.000-05:00

If I could speak in any
language in heaven or
on earth but didn't love
others, I would only be
making meaningless noise
like a loud gong or a
clanging cymbal. If I
had the gift of prophecy,
and if I knew all the
mysteries of the future
and knew everything
about everything, but
didn't love others, what
good would I be? And

if I had the gift of faith
so that I could speak
to a mountain and make
it move, without love
I would be no good to
anybody. If I gave
everything I have to
the poor and even
sacrificed my body,
I could boast about it;
but if I didn't love others,
I would be of no value

whatsoever. Love is
patient and kind. Love
is not jealous or boastful
or proud or rude. Love
does not demand its
own way. Love is not
irritable, and it keeps
no record of when it
has been wronged.
It is never glad about
injustice but rejoices
whenever the truth
wins out. Love never
gives up, never loses
faith, is always hopeful,
and endures through
every circumstance.

May You Always
Experience This
Kind Of Love,
Dr. Howdy

Howdy At Work

2006-02-13T20:37:00.000-05:00

2006-02-13T16:56:00.000-05:00

YOU HAVE JUST RECEIVED THE UNC VIRUS

2006-02-13T11:23:00.000-05:00

As we do not have any programming experience,
this virus works on the honor system. Please delete
all of the files on your hard drive and manually for -
ward this virus to everyone in your address book.

Thanks for your cooperation,

UNC Computer Department

TRIVIA

2006-02-13T11:02:00.000-05:00

The minimum age for marriage of Italian girls was raised
by law to 12 years in 1892.

The sale of chewing gum is outlawed in Singapore because
it is a means of "tainting an environment free of dirt."

WHAT INGREDIENT DO SOME TOOTHPASTES AND MAKEUP CONTAIN?

Crushed volcanic stone.

WHAT IS THE LONGEST NAME IN THE BIBLE?

Mahershalalbaz (Isaiah 8:1).

WHERE DOES THE WORD 'HOOSIER' COME FROM?

'Hoosier,' Indiana's state nickname came from a generic
Southern word, meaning bumpkin or backwoodsman.

2006-02-13T10:59:00.000-05:00

Giving away baby clothes & furniture
is a major cause of pregnancy.

PERPLEXING QUESTIONS

2006-02-13T10:40:00.000-05:00

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Why do they call them "apartments" when they're all stuck together?

Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?

Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is
called a "near miss"? Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?

If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's
license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

How do you KNOW it's an ENDLESS LOOP?

Why is it that when you transport something by car,
it's called a shipment, but when you transport something
by ship, it's called cargo?

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

2006-02-13T10:10:00.000-05:00

An exhausted UNC grad dragged himself in to the Doctor's office.

"Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. Three of them in
particular are the worst. They bark all day and all night, and I can't
get a wink of sleep."

"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through
a drawer full of sample medications.

"Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these
and your trouble will be over."

"Great," the man answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."

A few weeks later the man returned, looking worse than ever.
"Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"

"I don't understand how that could be, said the doctor, shaking his head.
"Those are the strongest pills on the market!"

"That may be true," answered the man wearily, "but I'm still up all night
chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to
swallow the pill!"

2006-02-13T08:25:00.000-05:00

The UNC* medical student was shocked when he received
a failing grade in radiology. Approaching the professor,
he demanded to know the reason for the grade.

"You know the self X-ray you took?" asked the professor.
"I do."

"A fine picture," he said, "of your lungs, stomach, and liver."
"If it's a fine picture, then why did you give me an F?"

"I had no choice," said the professor. "You didn't put your
heart into it."

________
*UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill.
Specializing in a wide range of degree programs including:
B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), A.P.E., B.R.C.
(Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898
for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were
unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher
learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State.

2006-02-13T08:20:00.000-05:00

*Do you know the definition of BIGOT?

Anyone who doesn't agree with a liberal.

2006-02-13T07:59:00.000-05:00

The aspiring psychiatrists from various colleges were attending their
first siminar on emotional extremes.
"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor, to the
student from Vanderbilt, "What is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," said the student.
"And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from MSU.
"Elation," said she.
"And you sir," he said to the young man from UNC, "how about the
opposite of woe?"
The Tar Heel replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."

Is The Supreme Court Really Supreme?

2006-02-13T00:50:00.000-05:00

One hundred fifty years ago, a Constitutional
crisis took place similar to one that we have
been threatened with over Roe v. Wade —
one in which no moral consensus could be
achieved between the three branches of
government. The first constitutional crisis
was over the hot-button issue of that day:
slavery. The Supreme Court declared an
act of Congress unconstitutional, and the
president, Abraham Lincoln — to his ever -
lasting credit—refused to recognize the
Court's decision.

MORE!!!

Ode For N.E. U.S.A.

2006-02-13T00:42:00.000-05:00

In the bleak midwinter,
frosty wind made moan,
earth stood hard as iron,
water like a stone;
snow had fallen, snow on snow,
snow on snow,
in the bleak midwinter,
long ago.

Our God, heaven cannot hold him
nor earth sustain;
heaven and earth shall flee away
when he comes to reign:
in the bleak midwinter
a stable place sufficed
the Lord God incarnate,
Jesus Christ.

Angels and archangels
may have gathered there
cherubim and seraphim
thronged the air;
but his mother only,
in her maiden bliss,
worshiped the beloved
with a kiss.

What can I give him,
poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd,
I would bring a lamb;
if I were a wise man,
I would do my part;
yet what I can I give him
give my heart.

This carol is much-loved. Its popularity is due
to the bleak imagery of the words combined with
the simplicity of the tune. It was written in 1872
by Christina Rossetti (1830-94), sister of Dante
Gabriel Rossetti, famous English painter of the
Pre-Raphaelite school.

2006-02-11T18:58:00.000-05:00

2006-02-11T14:07:00.000-05:00

Las Vegas Storm

2006-02-11T14:06:00.000-05:00

2006-02-11T14:03:00.000-05:00

Drawing A Line Under Hypocrisy

2006-02-11T14:01:00.000-05:00

When it comes to newspaper cartoons - the subject of the present
unrest - Muslim countries are world leaders in stirring up hate,
without a peep of protest elsewhere, let alone the torching of buildings,
threats to behead European tourists, and the burning of the Danish flag
(which incidentally bears a Christian symbol, the cross).

So much for religious respect.

MORE!!!

2006-02-10T17:50:00.000-05:00

2006-02-10T17:38:00.000-05:00

Funny Oxymorons

2006-02-10T12:27:00.000-05:00

open secret

larger half

clearly confused
act naturally

alone together

Hell's Angels
found missing

liquid gas

civil engineer
deafening silence

seriously funny

living dead
jumbo shrimp
Advanced BASIC

tragic comedy

unbiased opinion
virtual reality

definite maybe

original copies
pretty ugly

same difference

plastic glasses
almost exactly

constant variable

even odds
minor crisis

extinct life

genuine imitation
exact estimate

only choice

freezer burn
free love

working holiday

rolling stop

2006-02-10T10:08:00.000-05:00

Two UNC students named Trish and Tina were walking down the street.
Trish noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up.
She opened it, looked in the mirror, and said, "Hmmm, this person looks
familiar."

Tina said, "Let me look!" So Trish handed her the compact.

Tina looked in the mirror then turned to Trish. "You silly girl...
that's *me*!

2006-02-10T09:54:00.000-05:00

Dear Friends,

For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and
too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real
reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked.

The population of this country is 237 million.
104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the
work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to
do the work.

Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal
government, leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2
million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for
State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to
do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals,
leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.Now, there are 1,211,998
people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me.

And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes!!!

HOWDY

Boss To Howdy

2006-02-10T09:37:00.000-05:00

2006-02-10T09:25:00.000-05:00

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Riddles 2.10.6

2006-02-10T09:10:00.000-05:00

1) It fell from a star,
But not very far.
It seems to fly
Above you and I.
Look further down to see
Cousin Jay below us three.
Jump down further to see an empty space.
Tell me what "it" is, and where is this place?

2) We are in beauty,
But not in handsome
We are in you,
But not in she
One of us is in pretty,
But both of us are in ugly
Please tell who are we?

3) What does this riddle represent?

To be here is unpleasant, that is for sure.
Life is usually hidden and often a blur.

But just add an "s" and things change so fast.
Sweet replaces heat of the now recent past.

4) I'm called a man,
But I'll never have a wife.
I was given a body,
But not given life.
They made me a mouth,
But I wasn't given breath.
Water gives body,
And sun gives me death.
What am I?

5) I am Loud or quiet.
I am sudden or expected.
I am a strong medication.
I am a relief in certain situations.
I am caused by embarrassment and/or happiness.
I am found in many good friendships.
I am .......

6) Which state abbreviation's name has nothing in it?

7) I eat, I breathe, I move so much
I leave you tender to the touch.
Within me lies help or harm for you
But one rarely predicts what I will do.
I move around, yet have no legs
and multiply, but lay no eggs.
My colors change as I get intense
But I keep no form, in my defense.
What am I?

ANSWERS!!!

2006-02-10T08:29:00.000-05:00

In a restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry,
come in and get fed up."

Inside a bowling alley :

"Please be quiet. We need to hear
a pin drop."

In a cafeteria :

"Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.
Socks can eat any place they want."

NEW SICK LEAVE POLICY

2006-02-10T08:24:00.000-05:00

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
SUBJECT: SICK LEAVE POLICY

*SICKNESS
No excuse...We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as
proof. We believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you
are able to come to work.

* AN OPERATION:
We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage
any thoughts that you may need an operation. We believe that as
long as you are an employee here, you will need all of whatever
you have and should not consider having anything removed. We
hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly
make you less than we bargained for.

* DEATH:

* Other than your own.
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do
for them, and we are sure that someone else can attend to the
arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held in the late
afternoon, we will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch
hour and subsequently let you leave 1 hour early, provided your
share of the work is ahead enough to keep the job going in your absence.

* Your own:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least
two weeks notice as we feel it is your duty to train your replacement.

2006-02-10T08:22:00.000-05:00

A police recruit was asked during the exam,
"What would you do if you had to arrest your
own wife's mother?" He said, "Call for backup."

Something For Everybody!!!

2006-02-10T07:59:00.000-05:00

Num	Perc.	Country Name
47	52.22%	United States
7	7.78%	India
4	4.44%	Portugal
4	4.44%	Australia
4	4.44%	United Kingdom
4	4.44%	Austria
3	3.33%	Netherlands
2	2.22%	Pakistan
2	2.22%	Israel
2	2.22%	Korea, Republic Of
2	2.22%	Japan
2	2.22%	Unknown	-
2	2.22%	Nigeria
2	2.22%	Sweden
2	2.22%	Canada
1	1.11%	Qatar

Where are our readers???

And then He [Jesus*] told them, "Go into all the world
and preach** the Good News to everyone, everywhere.

*God, 2nd Member of the Trinity, Son of God, Jewish
Messiah, The Christ, Emanuel...

**Perhaps using the internet...

OBSCURE & UNUSUAL WORDS

2006-02-10T07:55:00.000-05:00

1) ludibundness loo di bund nes (noun)
: playfulness

2) euneirophrenia u ni ro free ni a (noun)
: peace of mind after a pleasant dream

That's Not Funny

2006-02-10T04:48:00.000-05:00

Over the last ten days, the press has been full of stories about violent
Muslim protests against cartoons published in Danish papers, caricaturing
Muhammad. Reuters, in a story this week, took the conventional line: that
the cartoons had created a "crisis" between Europe and the Islamic world.

Well, Reuters and the rest of the press are right about there being a
crisis, but wrong about when it started and what caused it.

MORE!!!

Missionary Kidnapped In North India

2006-02-10T01:11:00.000-05:00

A Gospel for Asia native missionary has been kidnapped
by terrorists in the Indian state of Chhattisgarh.

Pastor Subhash, a young single missionary who has started
five mission stations and led 28 people to Christ, was returning
home in a taxi with five other people-but never reached his
destination. The taxi and its passengers disappeared and
have not been found.

Good News!!!

Some Believe This Place Never Existed

2006-02-09T19:29:00.000-05:00

This is a picture that's taken of a concentration camp
in Europe. I really like the picture because it focuses
on the barbed wire with the concentration camp in
the background. The barbed wire is this manmade
boundary of heaven and hell for Jews and all we can
do is look from the heaven side and can only imagine
what hell was like for those who had suffered. So next
time you are having a bad day. You should just look at
this picture of a bit and realize that your life isn't that
bad after all.

Shame On Yahoo & Google

2006-02-09T13:41:00.000-05:00

BEIJING (Reuters) - Yahoo Inc. provided evidence to Chinese
authorities that led to the imprisonment of an Internet writer,
lawyers and activists said on Thursday, the second such case
involving the U.S. Internet giant.

The latest storm over Western Internet companies in China
comes just weeks after Web search giant Google Inc. came
under fire for saying it would block politically sensitive terms
on its new China site, bowing to conditions set by Beijing.

Writer and veteran activist Liu Xiaobo said Yahoo had co-
operated with Chinese police in a case that led to the 2003
arrest of Li Zhi, who was charged with subverting state power
and sentenced to eight years in prison after trying to join
the dissident China Democracy Party.

Yahoo gave public security agents details of Li's registration
as a Yahoo user, Liu said in an article posted on U.S.-based
Chinese-language news portal Boxun, citing a defense
statement from Li's lawyers.

UNC Dental School

2006-02-09T08:53:00.000-05:00

Toothaches always start on Friday night right before
the weekend when the Dental Office will be closed.

2006-02-09T08:52:00.000-05:00

NEW INVENTIONS BY UNC GRADS

2006-02-09T08:42:00.000-05:00

-- The water-proof towel
-- Glow in the dark sunglasses
-- Submarine screen doors
-- A book on how to read.
-- Inflatable dart boards
-- A dictionary index.
-- Mechanical Pencil sharpeners
-- Powdered water
-- Pedal-powered wheel chairs
-- Waterproof tea bags
-- Watermelon seed sorter
-- Zero proof alcohol
-- Reusable ice cubes
-- Skinless bananas
-- Do-it-yourself road map
-- Turnip ice cream
-- Toe implants
-- An all white flag
-- Rolls Royce pickup truck

2006-02-09T08:04:00.000-05:00

The Roman emperor Diocletian, following an edict in 303 A.D.,
failed to stamp the Bible out. The French Revolution could not
crush it with secular philosophy (Rousseau, one of its heroes,
converted to Christianity). The Communists failed to stamp it
out with atheism and political ideology. One might well ask why
this book has been banned, burned, and bludgeoned with such
animosity and scorn. The great Reformation hero John Calvin
responds in this way: "Whenever people slander God's word.
they show they feel within its power, however unwillingly or
reluctantly." - Joe Boot

2006-02-09T07:45:00.000-05:00

The graduate with a Science degree from
Mississippi State asks, "Why does it work?"
Graduates with an Engineering degree from
Florida State asks, "How does it work?"
Grads with an Accounting degree from Duke
asks, "How much will it cost?" The UNC Liberal
Arts graduate asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

2006-02-09T03:59:00.000-05:00

2006-02-08T20:46:00.000-05:00

2006-02-08T08:30:00.000-05:00

2006-02-08T08:23:00.000-05:00

Q: Why did the UNC student eat the candle?
A: She needed a light refreshment.

2006-02-08T07:36:00.000-05:00

Shhhh, Howdy's Busy

2006-02-08T07:23:00.000-05:00

Daisy jumped up from the card table white with rage.
"Stop this game," she shouted, "Howdy is cheating!"
"How do you know?"
"He's not playing the hand I dealt him."

Are there any words that only exist in the plural form?

2006-02-07T17:01:00.000-05:00

There are quite a few words that fall into this category.
Names of instruments: bellows, binoculars, forceps,
gallows, glasses, pliers, scissors, shears, tongs. Names
of articles of dress: braces, briefs, flannels, jeans,
knickers, pyjamas, shorts, pants, tights, trousers.

There is also the more difficult category of words
ending in -ics which may or may not govern a plural
verb. Such words used strictly for the name of a subject
are regarded as singular: Economics, Ethics. Compare
heroics, hysterics.

Source: Ask Oxford

2006-02-07T13:24:00.000-05:00

While taking down the vitals for a UNC grad
and a soon-to-be mom, I asked how much
she weighed.

"I really don't know," she said.

"Well, more or less," I prompted.

"More, I guess," she answered sadly.

2006-02-07T13:20:00.000-05:00

2006-02-07T13:07:00.000-05:00

2006-02-07T09:39:00.000-05:00

A UNC student asked and received help from a librarian on
how to use the card catalog. In a little while, the UNC student
approached the librarian again, wanting to know how to spell "tequila."

"T-e-q-u-i-l-a," spelled the librarian, as the girl thanked her and
went back to her search. A short time later she came to the desk,
looking quite distraught.

"I just can't find it." she said.
"What book are you looking for?" the librarian asked.

Replied the UNC student, "Tequila Mockingbird."

What happens when a girl falls for one or more of the following ?

2006-02-07T09:23:00.000-05:00

A chef? (You get buttered up.)
A chauffeur? (You get taken for a ride.)
A gambler? (He cheats on you.)
A telephone operator? (He gives you a phone-y line.)
A trashman? (He dumps you.)
A clockmaker? (He two-times you.)

A pastry cook? (He desserts you.)
A shoe salesman? (He walks all over you.)
An elevator operator? (He lets you down.)
An artist? (He gives you the brush.)
A jogger? (He gives you the run-around.)
So marry someone just like Howdy...

FIRST, THEY CAME FOR THE CARTOONISTS

2006-02-07T05:57:00.000-05:00

2006-02-07T05:26:00.000-05:00

Cartoon Sparks AngerFrom Religion Of Peace

2006-02-07T05:11:00.000-05:00

CARTOONS!!!

MORE!!!

...and in other News:

The forthcoming release of the Tom Hanks film: DA VINCI CODE
represents an attack on Christianity. No riots are expected.

MORE!!!

Depictions Of Mohammed Throughout History

2006-02-07T01:34:00.000-05:00

Persian or central Asian illustration showing Mohammed (on the right) preaching.

Miniature of Mohammed re-dedicating the Black Stone at the Kaaba. From Jami Al-Tawarikh
("The Universal History" written by Rashid Al-Din), a manuscript in the Library of the University
of Edinburgh; illustrated in Tabriz, Persia, c. 1315.

Controversy over the publication of images depicting Mohammed
in the Danish newspaper Jyllands-Posten has erupted into an inter -
national furor. While Muslims worldwide are calling for a boycott
of Denmark and any other nation whose press reprints the cartoons,
Europeans are trying to stand up for Western principles of freedom
of speech and not cave in to self-censorship in the name of multi -
culturalism and fear.

While the debate rages, an important point has been overlooked:
despite the Islamic prohibition against depicting Mohammed under
any circumstances, hundreds of paintings, drawings and other images
of Mohammed have been created over the centuries, with nary a word
of complaint from the Muslim world. The recent cartoons in Jyllands-
Posten are nothing new; it's just that no other images of Mohammed
have ever been so widely publicized.

MORE!!!

Is Islam Above Criticism?

2006-02-07T01:02:00.000-05:00

Cartoons about Muhammad in a Danish newspaper have caused
a world wide uproar from Muslims. Ambassadors are recalled,
flags are burned, Danish products boycotted in Arabic countries,
etc. The issue of respect for Muslim feelings versus freedom of
expression is discussed in both Muslim and Western newspapers,
on TV, on the internet ... but there are some highly relevant aspects
that seem to be missing from the discussion.

MORE!!!

2006-02-06T21:21:00.000-05:00

2006-02-06T21:10:00.000-05:00

The Aardvark Breakfast

2006-02-06T17:18:00.000-05:00

Word Quiz 2.6.6

2006-02-06T12:08:00.000-05:00

All the words below appear in science fiction
stories. How many do you know?

1. verbatim (adj.) - A: talkative. B: unusual. C: exceedingly
green. D: word for word.

2. chirrup (n.) - A: leather stirrup. B: cherry-flavored
cough syrup. C: chirp. D: warm breeze.

3. pince-nez (n.) - A: kind of candy. B: type of eyeglasses.
C: princely robe. D: crab's claws.

4. prosaic (adj.) - A: dull. B: prehistoric. C: legal in
nature. D: rhyming.

5. deduce (v.) - A: to trim. B: form into pairs. C: infer.
D: prepare for cooking.

6. forestall (v.) - A: to lie in front of. B: hinder.
C: warn. D: abandon.

7. sluice (n.) - A: passage for water. B: strawberry-lime
soft drink. C: very thin slice. D: comfort.

8. tremulous (adj.) - A: related to an earthquake. B: gigan-
tic. C: high-pitched. D: affected with trembling.

9. buttress (v.) - A: to link, as a bridge. B: strengthen.
C: sit up in bed. D: increase by half.

10. crystalline (adj.) - A: breakable. B: futuristic.
C: minuscule. D: sparkling.

11. subside (v.) - A: to sink or fall. B: exert control.
C: exist on very little. D: underestimate.

12. aberration (n.) - A: refusal to consider. B: unsound-
ness. C: unwavering concentration. D: constant nagging.

13. proficiency (n.) - A: offensive slang. B: motel room
with hot plate. C: unusual talent. D: advancement in skill.

14. cower (v.) - A: to intimidate. B: shrink away.
C: manipulate through flattery. D: call out to.

15. thrum (v.) - A: to make a monotonous sound.
B: pull toward with one's thumb. C: drag. D: unload.

16. erratic (adj.) - A: by design. B: in sequence.
C: characterized by inconsistency. D: irrelevant.

ANSWERS!!!

2006-02-06T11:23:00.000-05:00

UNC Computer Lab

2006-02-06T11:16:00.000-05:00

2006-02-06T11:11:00.000-05:00

The UNC coach's wife yells to her husband,
"It's Sports Illustrated on the phone!"

The coach falls all over himself racing to the phone
and says, "Hello?"

Then he hears, "For just 75 cents an issue...."

2006-02-06T09:13:00.000-05:00

VENI, VIDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.

2006-02-06T08:18:00.000-05:00

Glass is not a crystalline solid, but a random jumble of molecules.
Because of its random structure it does not have a clear melting
temperature and there is no temperature where it can be said to
be definitely solid. Instead, it gradually becomes harder as it cools.

Historians have pointed out that the glass in some centuries-old
windows is thicker at the bottom, as if the glass had slumped over
the years.

Scientists still debate whether room-temperature glass is a solid or
some other state of matter. But according to one study, to see the
flow of cool glass we would have to wait ten billion times the age of
the universe. So those ancient windows are thicker at the bottom
because they were made that way, not because of any later flowing
of the glass.

MORE!!!

2006-02-06T07:46:00.000-05:00

"Doctor!" whined the UNC student,
"I keep seeing spots before my eyes."

The physician scratched his head,
"Why have you come to me?
Have you seen an opthalmologist?"

"No," replied the student, "just spots."

2006-02-06T05:07:00.000-05:00

The fool has said in his heart, "There is no God."
They are corrupt, and their actions are evil; no
one does good! God looks down from heaven on
the entire human race; He looks to see if there is
even one with real understanding, one who seeks
for God. But no, all have turned away from God;
all have become corrupt. No one does good, not
even one! Will those who do evil never learn?

Your Devoted Friend,
David

P53

2006-02-03T10:29:00.000-05:00

2006-02-03T10:17:00.000-05:00

What Makes A Man?

2006-02-03T10:08:00.000-05:00

Knicks' player Antonio Davis' dramatic defense of his wife
reveals more than you might think about what it means to
be a man.

MORE!!!

AGAINST THE CELL

2006-02-03T09:57:00.000-05:00

Cell phones, for all their benefits, have distorted both
how we inhabit time and how we go about being embodied people.

MORE!!!

Need Glasses Video

2006-02-03T08:42:00.000-05:00

WATCH!!!

2006-02-03T07:21:00.000-05:00

Josh was helping Sally, a UNC student, clean out the trunk
of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit".
Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside.
Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for.

She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."

Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"

Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my
tires..."

2006-02-03T07:17:00.000-05:00

Half of a large intestine:
1 semicolon

Super Bowl Ads

2006-02-03T07:00:00.000-05:00

A Great Collection of Super Bowl Ads -
watch old & new commercials:

WATCH!!!

2006-02-02T10:55:00.000-05:00

2006-02-02T10:14:00.000-05:00

Israel

2006-02-02T10:07:00.000-05:00

Whether loved or hated, Israel is a magnet.
Although no larger than the state of New
Jersey, she draws journalists, statesmen,
and tourists from all over the world to a
few acres of the most contested real estate
on earth.

MORE!!!

2006-02-02T09:51:00.000-05:00

Trivia

2006-02-02T09:39:00.000-05:00

The Jell-O company came out with a cola flavor gelatin for
kids in 1942. It was discontinued the following year.

The San Blas Indian women of Panama consider giant noses a
mark of great beauty. They paint black lines down the center
of their noses to make them appear longer.

Monaco is so small, it covers about 350 acres. Fifty-five
Monacos could fit inside the city of Paris. The diminutive
principality still attracts the elite. The capital city of
Monte Carlo still maintains some royal rituals. Tourists
flock to see the Palace's regal changing of the guard.
Monaco is also a popular tax haven for the wealthy.

WHAT IS OSCAR THE GROUCH'S WORM NAMED?

Oscar the Grouch's pet worm on TV's Sesame Street is named
Slimey.

If all the OREO cookies sold to date were stacked on top of
each other, the height of the stack would be equivalent to
the height of 9.8 million Sears Towers. The Sears Tower is
1,454 feet tall.

Pieces of bread were used to erase lead pencil before
rubber came into use.

A zarzuela is an operetta of a traditional type, with spoken
dialogue and lyrical music. The word is derived from the
Spanish after La Zarzuela, the royal palace near Madrid
where the operetta was first performed in 1629. A zarzuela
is also the name of a seafood stew.

HOW STRONG IS SPIDER SILK?

Spider silk is an extremely strong material and its on-weight
basis has been proven to be stronger than steel. Experts
suggest that a pencil-thick strand of silk could stop a
Boeing 747 in flight.

YOU SAY PETUNIA, I SAY POTATO

The petunia and the potato are related to each other.

TEX=MAURICE

Western singer and cowboy star Tex Ritter was born Woodward
Maurice Ritter. He was nicknamed "America's Most Beloved
Cowboy" and is likely best remembered for singing the
award-winning title song in the Gary Cooper/Grace Kelly
classic, High Noon (1952).

"The human race has one really effective weapon, and that
is laughter."

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910), American author, humorist

2006-02-02T09:34:00.000-05:00

A recent UNC grad walks into a bar with a slab
of asphalt under his arm and says: "A root beer
please, and how about one for the road."