We have -
Moved To:
http://professor-howdy.blogspot.com/
The E.Newspaper
By Dr. Howdy, Ph.D.
A.P.E., N.U.T.
************************
Check Out Comments -
Humor + Letters From Readers
Add Something Yourself
************************
Saturday
Out Of Town Visitor
There was this Chapel Hill sheriff and
his deputy riding along their small town
near the UNC campus. They spot a car
with out of town plates and decide to
pull it over.
.
The sheriff says "Where you from boy?"
The man says Chicago. Sheriff says,
"Don't lie to me son I saw them Illinois
tags."
A Shoulder To Cry On
Has anyone seen Jake?
A sheriff walks into a saloon and shouts for everyone's
attention. "Has anyone seen Brown Paper Jake?"
"What's he look like?", asks one shoddy-looking cowboy.
"Well", replies the Sheriff. "He wears a brown paper hat,
a brown paper waistcoat, a brown paper shirt, brown
paper boots, brown paper pants, and a brown paper jacket."
"So what's he wanted for?", asks the same cowboy.
"Rustlin'."
Visiting
Find The Baby
Serious Decision
Bagpipe & Onion
Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
A. No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.
Staying In Touch
BARTENDERS SEE SOME
REALLY ODD THINGS...
1. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says,
"I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you
sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender
says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says,
"Sorry, we don't serve food."
E-Mail Hoax
Shopping Center
Once you've seen one shopping
center, you've seen a mall.
Francis Scott Key
Born: August 1, 1779
Died: January 11, 1843
Lawyer, poet who penned the national anthem of the
United States of America. His published works include
"The Power of Literature and Its Connection with
Religion" and the posthumous collection "Poems."
After the British attacked and set fire to both the Capitol
and the White House, a long night of battle ensued. When
daylight came, much to everyone's surprise, the flag was
still there. This led the amateur poet to write on the back
of a letter in his pocket the lines that would become central
to the national anthem. A Baltimore actor sang the new song
in a public performance the next month as "The Star-spangled
Banner" and it became a popular patriotic song. In 1931
Congress enacted legislation that made this the official
national anthem. Key was appointed the United States District
Attorney and appeared many times before the Supreme Court.
Lyrics
Riddle Answers 1.24.4
1) A well
2) It does not contain the most common letter in the
alphabet. The letter "e".
alphabet. The letter "e".
Friday
Howdy's Favorite T.V. Show
Please don't contact me tonight because it's the
Season Premier of Monk!!!
http://www.usanetwork.com/series/monk/
Docked Paycheck
Word Test
Match the words in the left-hand column with
the correct definition in the right-hand column.
1. apparat..........A. Divided or withdrawn in attention
2. bork..............B. Fat; greasy
3. distrait..........C. The highest point
4. chaparral.......D. Structure of an organization
5. indurate.........E. The north
6. septentrion....F. To attack someone
7. ne plus ultra..G. One who is at home in every place
8. fletcherism.....H. A dense growth of shrubs
9. cosmopolite....I. Ridiculously thorough chewing
10. pinguid.........J. Physically or morally hardened
(Answers below)
A Little Girl Named Ashlyn
A small article towards the back of a People magazine
told the story of a little girl named Ashlyn. She was
described as an incredibly happy child, eager and
energetic. According to her mother, Ashlyn has the
best laugh in the world, and according to her kinder-
garten teacher, she fearlessly goes headfirst into
everything. In many ways she is a typical, lovable
five-year-old. But Ashlyn is one of only 50 people
in the world with a genetic condition that leaves her
unable to feel pain. She can feel touch and be tickled,
but she cannot sense pain or extreme temperatures.
MORE: http://xrl.us/etof
Snowman Food
Great 19th Century Author
Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man
has many; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men
have some. - Charles Dickens
Automobile Song
What do you call a song sung in an automobile?
A cartoon.
A Man's Home
A man's home is his castle,
in a manor of speaking.
Thursday
C.S. Lewis - Famous Oxford Author
Joy and Beyond: The Life of C. S. Lewis Day Of
Discovery Television Program C. S. Lewis has been
called one of the 20th century's most influential
spokesmen for the Christian faith. Find out more
spokesmen for the Christian faith. Find out more
about this remarkable man when you watch the
Day of Discovery program airing on PAX at 7:30 a.m.,
Sunday, January 23. You'll take a closer look at
Sunday, January 23. You'll take a closer look at
the final decade of Lewis' life, a time that brought
challenges and changes leading to what many
consider his most personal and helpful book,
consider his most personal and helpful book,
A Grief Observed. For a listing of television
Love With All Your Heart
Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God,
the Lord is one. Love the Lord your
God with all your heart and with all
your soul and with all your strength.
--Deuteronomy 6:4-5
--Deuteronomy 6:4-5
Humming Birds
Ocean Quiz
1. atoll (n.) - A: coral reef encircling a lagoon. B: steep
cliff. C: sound of a ship's bell. D: fishing net.
2. tack (v.) - A: to harvest. B: alter direction. C: drift.
D: lose speed.
3. corolla (n.) - A: reddish coral. B: undersea cave.
C: tidal wave. D: flower petals.
4. littoral (adj.) - relating to A: a fish's diet.
B: breathing apparatus. C: ship cargo. D: the seashore.
5. gestate (v.) - A: to grow. B: carry during pregnancy.
C: approach. D: swim in formation.
6. estuary (n.) - A: where ocean meets river. B: deep-sea
predator. C: ocean bed. D: lighthouse.
7. floe (n.) - A: unit of tidal measure. B: type of whale.
C: floating ice sheet. D: air-tank mouthpiece.
8. pelagic (adj.) - relating to A: ancient sea creatures.
B: big waves. C: the open sea. D: seaweed.
9. scuttle (v.) - A: to float. B: sink. C: cut precisely.
D: dive.
10. frond (n.) - A: microscopic ocean plant. B: large tidal
pool. C: endangered shellfish. D: large leaf.
11. halyard (n.) - A: rope that raises sail. B: ship's
kitchen. C: anchor chain. D: veteran sailor.
12. mutate (v.) - A: to relocate. B: turn suddenly.
C: change. D: eat indiscriminately.
13. piscatory (adj.) - relating to A: plant life. B: fish or
fishing. C: scuba gear. D: beach sand.
14. regenerate (v.) - A: to add new traits. B: use twice.
C: produce anew. D: eat one's own young.
15. osmosis (n.) - A: prehistoric fish. B: how coral
reproduces. C: movement of water molecules. D: steady loss
of appetite.
16. kelp (n.) - A: tiniest shark. B: dolphin sound. C: knot
used by sailors. D: type of seaweed.
(Answers are below)
Letters To Howdy
If you would like to write Howdy
(he reads all of them), send an
amicable, meticulous, penurious
or factious e-mail to:
Howdy's address:
Howdy's address:
your-bestfriend4u@juno.com
(original letter below)
1)P.S. Do you see anything unusual about the
picture of me on the boat???
*uhm...just a "small" shark tryin to eat the whole
boat :) and i see the moon reflection in daylight
time !!!!
2)P.P.S. Is it o.k. to have this joke in 'T & H'
or is it toooo controversial for today's "P.C."
society???
*of course its ok for me as i am a man...but u
should listen to women's ideas about it :)
Please Rate Which Is BETTER:
from best to worst for me
1) Much More (icon story)
2) Great Humor
3) Thought
4) Riddles
5) Trivia
6) Letters
7) Word Puzzles
Hope this will be useful 4 me my friend
Ahmed
Egypt
Howdy, Howdy!
Man, I've been a fan of Thoughts & Humor for as long
as I've had a computer. Admitidly (?), that hasn't been
but a year or so, BUT, be that as it may, I enjoy all of it.
However, I like the "OLD" version where I just open it
up and start enjoying. This "new" blog is just not the same.
I can't get in to it half the time and it just takes all the fun
out of Thoughts & humor for me. I used to spend hours
looking at articles and memorizing the great jokes. Is
there any going back or at least help for me as to under-
standing and navigating this "new version?"
Sincerely yours,
Mr. Edd
*
Hey Mr Edd,
The old edition (made up of portions of the blog) are sent
out on most Fridays by request to any who ask...
Your Devoted Friend,
Howdy
Howdy--
I'm still down, except for the e-mail..... please send me the
newsletter in that format. Please, please, please: the word
puzzles & ANSWERS?
I use them with my students, but I don't have time to look
up all the answers.
Thanks!
--Laura
(keep up the good work!)
Howdy,
I didn’t think Elvis and Big Foot was funny. Neither did my
18 year son, but my twelve year old son liked it. Now you
know target age for that humor.The 12 year old and I both
liked kitty, kitty, kitty, best. The 18 year old also liked it.The
18 year old liked poker face best. I thought it was funny,
too, but not real funny. The 12 year old didn’t get it.
Dave B.
Howdy,
1) As for the picture...well, it seems the ocean has a moon in it...
I can't see the guy too well.
2) As for the "husband store"...it seems to be critical of women,
but does this in jest.(By the way, whoever came up with this idea
that women are impossible to please? I think it's the other way
around, at least in my experience, men have never been pleased
with me, or with what I am, or do...)
3) Which is better? Definitely, Humor! but also Thought and
some poems that talk of love.
4) Sorry, my roomate thinks I'm crazy for consorting with a
religious/right person who won't tell me his name. I frankly must
be crazy because I'm not conservative politically.
5) Questions that really need answers: like who you are - these will
never be answered, I'm reconciled to that.
Leila
Howdy, Howdy,
I like the one where the kitty is saying,"you don't have to
say kitty 3 times, I'm not deaf." the one with the husband thing,
it didn't bother me any, I know it's all in fun. If it bothers some,
it might mean they are bothered because they are guilty in that
area. We all have faults, and if we strive to better that area,
than we can feel better about ourselves and our life. I think it's
fine. But than again I'm talking from a womans viewpoint.
Wanda
Hello Howdy,
I am sorry but I can't make up my mind on which ones are
better they are all great.
Margot ;-)
Howdy,
The first one is interesting, but not too funny. The second
one however, is quite funny, clever, and keeps in line with
the general tastefulness of your periodical. Keep up the
good work that you are doing. It is unique, interesting,
thought provoking (in the very best and most important
way [ i.e. in regards to eternity]) and you do it quite well.
Blessings to you,
Michael C.
Los Angeles
Dearest Howdy,
I think the Husband Mart joke is awesome! I think it makes
a great point, even if it's done with a dose of humor. And
since when have you ever been concerned about being "PC?"
That will be the day I unsubscribe.The cat cartoon is really cute,
as is the Elvis/Sasquatch one. Either is good, but I'm partial to
cats and it's incredibly funny to me because my cat will not
respond to "Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty..." He does do what
I tell him (so I'm not totally sure he's actually a cat) but he'll
only come if I say, "Simon, come here." I can "kitty, kitty, kitty"
until I drop and he'll completely ignore me! I think maybe it is
insulting?? :0)Oh my goodness! I looked at a couple of those
testimonials on Everystudent.com and WOW! That is absolutely
amazing. My heart quickened and my eyes were tearing up
immediately. What a realistic, applicable witness for students
or young people who are without the gospel or who are just
questioning what they believe. I'm out of college, but I am
just 25 and I know lots of people whose hearts those stories
would reach.Thanks for the good stuff. Keep it up.
Catherine N.
Charlotte, NC
Howdy,
I wanted to thank you for this bit in your latest newsletter.
I have grown more fearful of flying during the last 10 years
or so...extremely fearful - to the extent that I was planning
on seeing my doctor before flying this April so that she could
prescribe a drug to calm me down. I was all for purchasing
our timeshare so that I would be forced to fly each year.
Your inclusion of this paragraph has helped me and I will use
it as my "mantra"."I don’t presume to understand God or why
He chooses as He does. But if we didn’t trust in the sovereign
power of a good and kindGod, we just might become paralyzed
with fear, not wishing to step into the street, or drive to the store,
or fly on a plane, or evenlet our children outside to play. But God
alone is the One who gives life or takes it,and we can trust Him to
protect us until Hecalls us home. And we need to live so weare
ready for that possibility every day."
Lisa - Faculty
University of Wyoming
Dear Howdy,
I really used to look forward to thoughts & humor. Now, I have
to go through so much "stuff" that I barely recognize it any more.
And, being somewhat computer illiterate, I have no idea what a
"blog" is or why it is even needed when your "old" format was
much more user friendly. Plus, most of what I see when I open
my mail is just a bunch of symbols that look like comic strip
cussing. What's the deal? If I didn't enjoy everything so much,
I wouldn't even bother to try. Help!!!
m redd
***
Hey Howdy,
Thanks for the opportunity!
I was looking for an excuse not to work today.
Your email arrived just in time.
Here are my thoughts...
The shark pic funny, but scary!
All the cartoons are great...I would use them all!
out of film very funny
deaf cat very funny
poker face very funny
The Jesus film may be too big to load for some people
but no biggie it still was awesome.
The everystudent website very good for the college crowd.
once again not everyone has high speed internet?
Find the wolves was good.
The word puzzle always informative. I am a big nerd so I like them.
Dear John letter good.
The trivia is always one of my most favorite parts to your email!
ALWAYS THE BEST!
The icon story cute? But not really my cup of tea.
Hope this helps,
Lee FSU
*****************************************
Original Letter From Howdy:
Dear Reader,
You have been selected to tell me
if you think each of the cartoons
if you think each of the cartoons
and jokes below are funny to you
& your friends. If you have
opportunity,read them outloud
to friends & see which brings
the best reaction...
& your friends. If you have
opportunity,read them outloud
to friends & see which brings
the best reaction...
Please Advise,
Howdy
P.S. Do you see anything unusual
about the picture of me on the boat???
about the picture of me on the boat???
http://xrl.us/eqy3 (scroll down)
P.P.S. Is it o.k. to have this joke in '
T & H' or is it toooo controversial
T & H' or is it toooo controversial
for today's "P.C." society???
===============
Please Rate Which Is BETTER:
1) Great Humor http://xrl.us/eqys or http://xrl.us/eqyy or http://xrl.us/eqy5
2) Thought http://xrl.us/eqy2 or http://xrl.us/eqy8
3) Riddles http://xrl.us/eqyt
4) Word Puzzles http://xrl.us/eqzd
5) Letters http://xrl.us/eqze
6) Trivia http://xrl.us/eqzb
7) Much More http://xrl.us/eqy7 (Icon War)
Double click above link or copy and paste this link into your Web Browser's address line.
Some you will need to scroll down.
Word Test Answers
WORD-MATCH ANSWER
1. apparat...........D. Structure of an organization
2. bork................F. To attack someone
3. distrait.............A. Divided or withdrawn in attention
4. chaparral.........H. A dense growth of shrubs
5. indurate...........J. Physically or morally hardened
6. septentrion......E. The north
7. ne plus ultra....C. The highest point
8. fletcherism.......I. Ridiculously thorough chewing
9. cosmopolite...G. One who is at home in every place
10. pinguid.........B. Fat; greasy
Hungry Clock
When a clock is hungry, it
goes back four seconds.
Movies & T.V.
Why are you IN a movie,
but you are ON TV?
Wednesday
Cleaning Service
Good For Women???
Women are simply offered abortion, the quick
fix, while genuinely meaningful solutions to
their social or personal problems are left
unexplored. . . . As long as abortion on
demand remains legal and a constitutional
right, women will continue to be isolated
and exploited. Please, don't tell us abortion
is good for women.
MORE: http://xrl.us/es3i
Premature Funeral
The funeral plans for Matt were in the works. The Park Service
had announced that Matt was one of five people who had been
killed in a plane crash on a mountainside in Montana. The funeral
never happened. Suddenly, Matt's bereaved parents heard the
stunning news: although he had been badly injured, their son,
along with one other Forest Service worker, had just been
rescued alive, miles from the crash site. Rescue workers at
the scene of the crash had concluded that the charred wreckage
and the scattered human remains indicated that the crash had
been "insurvivable," they said. But amazingly, Matt and his
fellow worker hiked for 29 hours, often in subfreezing
temperatures, until they reached a highway where a motorist
picked them up. One news magazine called it, "A Miracle
New Bedroom Furniture
Riddles
1) There seems to be only one ordinary English
word that can be turned into another by replacing
a U with a V. Find it.
2) It runs and runs but can never flee.
It is often watched, yet never sees.
When long it brings boredom,
When short it brings fear.
What is it?
3) I start with the letter e,
I end with the letter e.
I contain only one letter,
Yet I am not the letter e!
What am I?
(Answers below)
Trivia
One of the great but little-known treasures of New York
City is a forty-acre hemlock forest, undisturbed, as far
as is known, since the time of the Indians. The grove
stands on the banks of the Bronx River in the New York
Botanical Garden.
***
The pyramids in Egypt contain enough stone and mortar to
construct a wall 10 feet high and 5 feet wide running from
New York City to Los Angeles.
***
Pizza
In Australia, the Number 1 topping for pizza is eggs. In Chile,
the favorite topping is mussels and clams. In the United States,
it's pepperoni.
***
A Christmas Carol
The four ghosts in Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol were
the ghosts of Christmas Past, Christmas Present, Christmas
Yet to Come, and the ghost of Jacob Marley.
City is a forty-acre hemlock forest, undisturbed, as far
as is known, since the time of the Indians. The grove
stands on the banks of the Bronx River in the New York
Botanical Garden.
***
The pyramids in Egypt contain enough stone and mortar to
construct a wall 10 feet high and 5 feet wide running from
New York City to Los Angeles.
***
Pizza
In Australia, the Number 1 topping for pizza is eggs. In Chile,
the favorite topping is mussels and clams. In the United States,
it's pepperoni.
***
A Christmas Carol
The four ghosts in Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol were
the ghosts of Christmas Past, Christmas Present, Christmas
Yet to Come, and the ghost of Jacob Marley.
***
A "Blue Moon" is the second full moon in a calendar month
(it is rarely blue).
???
CLOSE CALL
The title role of Dirty Harry, 1971, was originally
intended for Frank Sinatra. After he refused, it was
offered to John Wayne, and then Paul Newman, finally
being accepted by Clint Eastwood.
***
Ye OLD LANGUAGE TRIVIA
The "y" in signs reading "ye olde.." is properly pro-
nounced with a "th" sound, not "y". The "th" sound
does not exist in Latin, so ancient Roman occupied
(present day) England used the rune "thorn" to rep-
resent "th" sounds. With the advent of the printing
press the character from the Roman alphabet which
closest resembled thorn was the lower case "y".
***
PENULTIMATE
The last thing to happen is the ultimate. The next-to-
last is the penultimate, and the second-to-last is the
antepenultimate.
****
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for
good men to do nothing."
- - Edmund Burke (1729-1797), Irish philosopher and statesman.
(it is rarely blue).
???
CLOSE CALL
The title role of Dirty Harry, 1971, was originally
intended for Frank Sinatra. After he refused, it was
offered to John Wayne, and then Paul Newman, finally
being accepted by Clint Eastwood.
***
Ye OLD LANGUAGE TRIVIA
The "y" in signs reading "ye olde.." is properly pro-
nounced with a "th" sound, not "y". The "th" sound
does not exist in Latin, so ancient Roman occupied
(present day) England used the rune "thorn" to rep-
resent "th" sounds. With the advent of the printing
press the character from the Roman alphabet which
closest resembled thorn was the lower case "y".
***
PENULTIMATE
The last thing to happen is the ultimate. The next-to-
last is the penultimate, and the second-to-last is the
antepenultimate.
****
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for
good men to do nothing."
- - Edmund Burke (1729-1797), Irish philosopher and statesman.
Tuesday
The Chief and the Thief
It was centuries ago, when all of North America
belonged to its Native people. One nomadic
Indian tribe in the Great Plains was blessed with
a chief that was beloved and respected by every-
one who knew him. He was known as a man who
deeply loved his people, and he showed it - and
a man of absolute justice and fairness and he
showed that. One day some braves brought a
very troubling report to him; there had been
several mysterious thefts from people in the tribe.
.
.
The chief wanted to nip this kind of stealing in
the bud so he announced a severe penalty for
the thief. He would be tied to a post when the
sun was high, his back laid bare, and he would
be beaten with a whip twenty times. Then the
chief set a trap. He asked two of his trusted
braves to leave some animal pelts in front of
a teepee one night and to watch all night from
another tepee. It was the middle of the night
when one of those braves awakened the chief
when one of those braves awakened the chief
with the news, "We've caught the thief." "Then
bring him in," the chief ordered sternly.
.
.
C.S. Lewis - Famous Oxford Author
C.S. Lewis once asked, "Where, except in the present,
can the Eternal be met?" This is why the present is so
profoundly important. You see, God is always nearest
to us "now." Where Jesus says, "Follow me." Where
He pleads, "Come to me," there is urgency and im-
mediacy in his voice. Now is where He asks us to
draw near; now is when we must decide to follow
or not to follow; now is where we rejoice in this day
that He hath made. So indeed, seize the day, for the
promises of the One who came in the fullness of time
are boldly written upon every moment.
MORE: http://xrl.us/er9x
Birth Registration
A UNC grad goes to the Birth Registration
Office to register his newborn son.
The man behind the counter asks the name
The man behind the counter asks the name
he wants to give to the boy, and the father
replies: "Euro."
The man says that such a name is not
The man says that such a name is not
acceptable, because it's a currency.
Says the UNC grad: "What? There weren't
Says the UNC grad: "What? There weren't
any objections when I called my first two
sons Mark and Frank."
700 Soup Recipes
At the Epicurious Web site, you can choose
from over 700 soup recipes. Search filters
like "Fork Rating" and "Quick" help you
decide which brew to stew. And since
recipes are pulled from Bon Appetit
and Gourmet magazines, you know
they're tasty. http://xrl.us/ernm
* * * Great Archives Here - - - - "Music That Howdy Enjoys" Below * * *
December 26 January 02 January 09 January 16 January 23 January 30 February 06 February 13 February 20 February 27 March 06 March 13 March 20 March 27 April 03 April 10 April 17 April 24 May 01 May 08 May 15 May 22 May 29 June 05 June 19 June 26 July 03 July 10 July 17 July 24 July 31 August 07 August 21 August 28 September 04 September 11 September 18 September 25 October 02 October 09 October 16 October 23 October 30 November 06 November 13 November 20 November 27 December 04 December 11 December 18 December 25 January 01 January 08 January 15 January 22 January 29 February 05 February 12 February 19 December 30