We have -
Moved To:
http://professor-howdy.blogspot.com/
The E.Newspaper
By Dr. Howdy, Ph.D.
A.P.E., N.U.T.
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Check Out Comments -
Humor + Letters From Readers
Add Something Yourself
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Saturday
Strangers
Friday
New Books
Here's a listing of some recently-published "new books" & their
author....
- "How to Write Large Books" by Warren Peace
- "The Lion Attacked" by Claude Yarmoff
- "The Art of Archery" by Beau N. Arrow
- "Songs for Children" by Barbara Blacksheep
- "Irish Heart Surgery" by Angie O'Plasty
- "Desert Crossing" by I. Rhoda Camel
- "School Truancy" by Marcus Absent
- "I Was a Cloakroom Attendant" by Mahatma Coate
- "I Lost My Balance" by Eileen Dover and Phil Down
- "Positive Reinforcement" by Wade Ago
- "Shhh!" by Danielle Soloud
- "The Philippine Post Office" by Imelda Letter
- "Things to Do at a Party" by Bob Frapples
- "Stop Arguing" by Xavier Breath
- "Raising Mosquitos" by I. Itch
- "Mountain Climbing" by Hugo First
UNC Bike Champion
Thursday
Voting Video
A Strange Alien
A strange alien space ship lands at a gas station. The door
opens and a three-eyed, tenacled creature gets out and starts
pumping gas into the ship.
The gas station attendant notices the letters "UFO" printed
on the side of the spacecraft and curiosity gets the best of him.
"I'll bet that stands for "Unidentified Flying Object," he says.
"Noooo," replies the creature, "it stands for...
'Unleaded Fuel Only'. "
TRIVIA
The male name Andrew is from the Greek word for "manly."
***
Months that begin with a Sunday will always have a
"Friday the 13th."
***
Honey is the only food that does not spoil. Honey
found in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs has been
tasted by archaeologists and found edible.
???
Mustard
Although Asia and the Mediterranean are the original
regions where mustard grew, most of the world's
mustard today is cultivated in Canada and the
United States
***
Baseball
The average major league baseball lasts 7 pitches.
***
Socrates
Socrates, one of the most famous Greek philosophers,
never wrote down a single word of his teachings. The
only knowledge we have of his thinking today comes
from the notes taken by his great student, Plato.
Word Quiz
Of all the words below from a recent movie, how many do you know?
1. verbatim (adj.) - A: talkative. B: unusual. C: exceedingly
green. D: word for word.
2. chirrup (n.) - A: leather stirrup. B: cherry-flavored
cough syrup. C: chirp. D: warm breeze.
3. pince-nez (n.) - A: kind of candy. B: type of eyeglasses.
C: princely robe. D: crab's claws.
4. prosaic (adj.) - A: dull. B: prehistoric. C: legal in
nature. D: rhyming.
5. deduce (v.) - A: to trim. B: form into pairs. C: infer.
D: prepare for cooking.
6. forestall (v.) - A: to lie in front of. B: hinder.
C: warn. D: abandon.
7. sluice (n.) - A: passage for water. B: strawberry-lime
soft drink. C: very thin slice. D: comfort.
8. tremulous (adj.) - A: related to an earthquake. B: gigan-
tic. C: high-pitched. D: affected with trembling.
9. buttress (v.) - A: to link, as a bridge. B: strengthen.
C: sit up in bed. D: increase by half.
10. crystalline (adj.) - A: breakable. B: futuristic.
C: minuscule. D: sparkling.
11. subside (v.) - A: to sink or fall. B: exert control.
C: exist on very little. D: underestimate.
12. aberration (n.) - A: refusal to consider. B: unsound-
ness. C: unwavering concentration. D: constant nagging.
13. proficiency (n.) - A: offensive slang. B: motel room
with hot plate. C: unusual talent. D: advancement in skill.
14. cower (v.) - A: to intimidate. B: shrink away.
C: manipulate through flattery. D: call out to.
15. thrum (v.) - A: to make a monotonous sound. B: pull
toward with one's thumb. C: drag. D: unload.
16. erratic (adj.) - A: by design. B: in sequence.
C: characterized by inconsistency. D: irrelevant.
(Scroll down for answers)
Riddles For 2.3.5
1) I am something that nothing is, but yet I have a name.
I am sometimes tall and sometimes short.
I join your talks; I join your sport,
And I play in every game.
What am I?
I am sometimes tall and sometimes short.
I join your talks; I join your sport,
And I play in every game.
What am I?
2) If you mulitply all the numbers on the telephone, what
is the answer?
is the answer?
3) My first is in fish but not in snail
My second is in rabbit but not in tail
My third is in up but not in down
My fourth is in tiara but not in crown
My fifth is in tree you plainly see
My whole a food for you and me.
What Am I?
My second is in rabbit but not in tail
My third is in up but not in down
My fourth is in tiara but not in crown
My fifth is in tree you plainly see
My whole a food for you and me.
What Am I?
4) A Train enters a tunnel at 7 o'clock, another train enters
the exact same tunnel, also at 7 o'clock on the same day.
The tunnel only has one track, and no other means for the
trains to pass, around, over, or under. However both trains
made it to the other end of the tunnel untouched. How could
this be?
the exact same tunnel, also at 7 o'clock on the same day.
The tunnel only has one track, and no other means for the
trains to pass, around, over, or under. However both trains
made it to the other end of the tunnel untouched. How could
this be?
Answers: Click Here
(Then scroll down)
(Then scroll down)
Dangerous Ski Trip
Mr. Jacobson decided to take a week off from the pressures
of the office and went skiing. Alas, no sooner did he reach
the slopes than he heard an ominous rumbling. Moments
later a sheet of snow came crashing toward him.
Fortunately, Mr. Jacobson was able to jump into a cave
just before the avalanche hit. Just as fortunately, he
had matches with him and was able to light a fire using
Fortunately, Mr. Jacobson was able to jump into a cave
just before the avalanche hit. Just as fortunately, he
had matches with him and was able to light a fire using
brush he found on the ground.
Hours later, when everyone but Mr. Jacobson had returned,
Hours later, when everyone but Mr. Jacobson had returned,
a rescue team was sent to search for him. After several hours
they saw smoke curling from a nearby cave and went to investigate.
Poking his head into the entrance, one of the rescuers yelled,
"Mr. Jacobson, are you there? It's the Red Cross."
Bristling, and still work-harried, the executive calls back,
"I already gave at the office!"
Poking his head into the entrance, one of the rescuers yelled,
"Mr. Jacobson, are you there? It's the Red Cross."
Bristling, and still work-harried, the executive calls back,
"I already gave at the office!"
Moth Balls
Allison, a UNC grad, went into a hardware
store and bought a box of mothballs. The
next day she returned again and purchased
a second box.
When she came back a third time, the sales-
person's curiosity got the best of him and he says,
"You sure must have a lot of moths in your
house, lady! That's the 3rd large box you're buying."
"Oh, I do," says Allison. "And I can't take
it anymore. I've been throwing these little
balls at them for two days and I haven't hit
a single one yet!"
Confusion
The Fly & The Clock
Q. Why did the fly head for the alarm clock?
A. He wanted to land on time.
Children's Questions
I often wonder if in the spirit of the information
age, we boast in the promise of endless and
instant answers, failing to notice that we are
too soon interrupting questions with explanation.
Perhaps an abundance of answers has stifled
our teens' ability to probe deeply the truths
and mysteries of faith. We seldom look for
opportunities to practice talking about the
things we cease to wonder at. Our children
will ask; in our answers may we not
interrupt their inquisitive sense of awe.
Click HERE for more!!!
The Sharks You Never Saw
It was a day at the beach to never forget.
A man was swimming off New Zealand's
northern coast with his daughter and
two friends. That's when the dolphins
surrounded them. What happened was
that a group of dolphins began doing
laps around them in tighter and tighter
circles. It was as if the people were being
herded like sheep by the dolphins. There
was a lifeguard in a nearby lifeboat, but
neither he nor the man's party could
figure out what the dolphins were up
to - until they saw a great white shark
coming toward them. Apparently, the
dolphins had made a formation around
the swimmers to repel the shark. And
sure enough, the shark swam away,
leaving the swimmers to make it safely
to shore.
MORE: http://xrl.us/e9uf
LISTEN: http://xrl.us/e9uc
Click on the envelope just below
and send above to all your friends!!!
Find 9 Pandas
Wednesday
Your Mind
"If your mind goes blank, don't
forget to turn off the sound."
--Red Green
Word Quiz Answers
1. verbatim - D: Word for word; being in or following the
exact words. Don't blame me - I'm repeating Dad's instruct-
ions to you verbatim.
2. chirrup - C: Chirp. The morning quiet was disturbed only
by the odd chirrup of a nearby robin.
3. pince-nez - B: Eyeglasses clipped to the nose by a spring.
The librarian peered at me over the lenses of his pince-nez
and said "That book is two years overdue."
4. prosaic - A: Dull, unimaginative; also, everyday,
ordinary. Unfortunately, I'll spend the weekend doing a
bunch of prosaic chores.
5. deduce - C: Infer from a general principle. When my son
said he hated cereal, I deduced that I needed to fix a
different breakfast.
6. forestall - B: Exclude or hinder; also, to obstruct;
beset. I planned to forestall his leaving by asking him to
shine my shoes.
7. sluice - A: Artificial passage for water fitted with a
valve or gate for repeating flow. Once the sluice opened,
we pretty much got soaked.
8. tremulous - D: Characterized by or affected with tremb-
ling or tremors, such as might be caused by nervousness or
shakiness. His tremulous smile told me he wasn't as relaxed
as he hoped to appear.
9. buttress - B: Strengthen; support. I think you should try
to buttress your opinion with a few small facts.
10. crystalline - D: Sparkling; strikingly clear; resembling
crystal. Gazing at the crystalline lake, I decided it was
too beautiful to swim in.
11. subside - A: Sink or fall to the bottom; settle; also,
to become quiet; diminish. Once my initial anger subsided, I
began laughing at all those pancakes stuck to the wall.
12. aberration - B: Unsoundness; that which departs signifi-
cantly from the standard. Sleeping with your pillow beneath
your feet would be considered something of an aberration.
13. proficiency - D: Quality or state of being advanced;
highly skilled. You show real proficiency in the art of
making the perfect pizza.
14. cower - B: Shrink away or crouch, especially from some-
thing that menaces or dismays. Horror movies always make me
cower in my seat.
15. thrum - A: To sound with a monotonous hum. Suddenly, a
loud vibration began to thrum the wall I was leaning
against.
16. erratic - C: Characterized by lack of consistency,
regularity or order. His erratic behavior convinced me he
wouldn't be reliable in the job.
Tuesday
From The Birds...
Dear American Soldier
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Recently, Cable News Network (CNN) posted a very
moving story about U.S. soldiers who have received
letters from fellow Americans. The soldiers fighting
a war on the other side of the world carry with them,
photos and words of encouragement from children
who want to show their patriotic support.
According to Pat Centner, coordinator for AFA's
"Dear American Soldier" campaign, "These letters
are the direct result of AFA supporters who gave
messages of hope to men and women protecting
our country." She says a miracle has allowed AFA
to get over 15,000 letters to the soldiers, despite
the anthrax scare (Read more about this miracle
from an earlier report).
The campaign began last fall, when AFA encouraged
citizens to write letters to soldiers. Both hand-written
letters, and those written via a special Internet site,
are hand delivered by Chaplain (Capt.) Aaron D.
Nowland at Ft. Hood, Texas.
Centner refers to a letter of thanks by Air Force Senior
Master Sergeant Vernon Ash. "Words cannot express
the warm feeling one gets from someone else's caring,"
he wrote, "...it really means a lot to us for the folks at
home to pick up a pen and paper and take the time to
write people they have never met."
Centner recalls one special story about a homesick
soldier. "It seems that when the letters from AFA were
received overseas, they were spread on a table. Soldiers
gathered there and scrambled to grab one or two for
themselves. After a moment, one soldier gasped in
astonishment, 'Oh my, you're not going to believe
this, but this letter is from my daughter!'"
I appeal to all 'Thought & Humor' friends to take a
moment to go online and send a letter "from the heart"
to a member of our service personnel.
Remember to forward this message to your address
list. God bless you for caring and acting!
www.dearamericansoldier.com
What happens when a girl falls?
What happens when a girl falls for one or more of the following ?
A chef? (You get buttered up.)
A chauffeur? (You get taken for a ride.)
A gambler? (He cheats on you.)
A telephone operator? (He gives you a phone-y line.)
A trashman? (He dumps you.)
A clockmaker? (He two-times you.)
A pastry cook? (He desserts you.)
A shoe salesman? (He walks all over you.)
An elevator operator? (He lets you down.)
An artist? (He gives you the brush.)
A jogger? (He gives you the run-around.)
So marry someone just like Howdy...
.
(Did all of you girls at U.C.-Berkeley see his picture on this blog???)
BET YOU HAD NO IDEA THAT...
Richard Nixon was the first president to visit all 50 states.
Margaret Gorman was the first Miss America. She was 16.
Of the 50 United States:
Of the 50 United States,
which state is the farthest south?
which state is the farthest north?
the farthest west? and the farthest east?
ANSWER:
North - Alaska
South - Hawaii
West - Alaska
East - Alaska
VIRUS ALERT!
TO: ALL USERS
SUBJECT: VIRUS ALERT!
There is a very dangerous virus going around
and it is propogated through the email system.
If you get an email message with the subject:
"VIRUS ALERT!" do not open the mail message.
If you do, the virus scrambles the second half
of every text file on your system.
VERY IMPORTANT: If you do get this virus, the
first thing dlkfjaid dfdjas nairb gfdq40wt yaj asdfsdg
dluog av da agj asdfajpg as dflasidffnm asd difvu
asdfa vgoiae vdsofj we dasdf 9efm sd dag0 g adf
as dg 0vbwe ads gwefawe ads vewerwe dsf!
Encouragement
If you have any encouragement from
being united with Christ, if any comfort
from his love, if any fellowship with the
Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion,
then make my joy complete by being like-
minded, having the same love, being
one in spirit and purpose. Philippians 2
Written to the church in Philippi.
Kid's Site
.
KIDS' SITE: JUNGLE IN MY BACKYARD
http://www.backyardjungle.org
View pictures of other kids' backyards and share what's in yours.
KIDS' SITE: JUNGLE IN MY BACKYARD
http://www.backyardjungle.org
View pictures of other kids' backyards and share what's in yours.
Run Down The Hall
Irma & Betty
Irma: I've had such a terrible day! First I was shot,
then I was blown up, then I was framed and hung!
Betty: I know. I hate to have my picture taken too.
Out On A Limb
Where Babies Come From
Wrong Number
A woman meant to call a record store, but dialed
my cell phone instead. "Do you have 'Eyes of
Blue' and 'A Love Supreme?'" she asked.
"Well, no," I answered puzzled at first. "But I have
Blue' and 'A Love Supreme?'" she asked.
"Well, no," I answered puzzled at first. "But I have
a wife and eight children."
"Is that a record?" she inquired, puzzled in her turn.
"I don't think so," I replied - kidding a bit with her
"Is that a record?" she inquired, puzzled in her turn.
"I don't think so," I replied - kidding a bit with her
(because my wife was sitting beside me), "but it's
as close as I want to get."
.
.
(Actually, I was hoping to be blessed with an even dozen:O)
The Nerve!!!
Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was
a friendly, jovial man. But there was one subject
you didn't dare discuss in front of him--his height.
Or, should I say, his lack of it.
One day he stormed through the door and announced
angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!"
Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless,
except for one who blurted out, "How could anyone
stoop so low?"
Highway Construction
An off-ramp of a freeway in Long Beach,
CA, has been torn up for years. Recently,
someone put up a handmade sign reading,
"Scientists tell us that the sun will burn out
in one and a half billion years. It is sad that
this contractor will have to finish working
in the dark."
Life and Options in Suburbia -
Desperate Housewives
DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES tells the story of four
friends living on a suburban street called "Wisteria
Lane." Their personal lives are a mess, and their
families are, if anything, even worse. So, as
television characters often do, they try to fill
their vacuums with illicit pleasures: drug abuse,
promiscuity, and adultery.
Of course, "better television" isn't synonymous
with "reality" or "truth" -- yet another reminder
that if you want to know why you're feeling
desperate, the tube is the last place you should
look.
MORE: http://xrl.us/exsz
That One Red Spot
Power. That's what mattered most to Napoleon.
He wanted power. And he got it. Under his
leadership, the armies of France won some
stunning victories and extended control well
beyond their borders. But it wasn't enough for
Napoleon. He knew there was one thing, one
force that stood in his way. It is said that one
day he gathered all his top officers together
around this large table. Laid across that table
was a map of Europe - with a big red spot on it.
That spot was England. And pounding his fist
on the table, Napoleon raged: "If it weren't for
that red spot, I could have it all!"
MORE: http://xrl.us/exsw
LISTEN: http://xrl.us/exsx
The Inescapable Way of Death -
On a Day Yet To Be
The death rate on planet earth is still one hundred
percent. This is a sobering thought. It is the way
the world runs. All things wear down. From the
moment we are born, we step closer and closer
to the grave. It feels unnatural but it is inescapable.
The most prevailing argument against Christianity
is the problem of evil. Many atheists, from the ancient
Epicurus to the modern Michael Tooley, evoke this
argument to show that even if God did exist, He would
not be worthy of worship. The argument says that
for God to be worthy of our life devotion, He would
need to be powerful enough and loving enough to
prevent evil from happening. But since evil does
happen, then God must not possess these qualities.
Therefore, He is not worthy of our worship.
A major part of this argument has been put to rest
by what is called the "free will defense." This
argument says that evil can coexist in a universe
with God if there are other free creatures in that
universe who could commit evil. Since there are
free creatures who can commit evil, then it is not
illogical to say God can exist and is still worthy
of worship. Those creatures that are capable of
committing such atrocities are angels gone bad -
which we call demons-and humans gone bad -
which includes all of us.
MORE: http://xrl.us/exsp
Monday
University Grads
The MSU graduate with a Science degree asks,
"Why does it work?"
The NCSU graduate with an Engineering degree
asks, "How does it work?"
The UGA graduate with an Accounting degree asks,
"How much will it cost?"
A UNC graduate with an Arts degree asks,
"Do you want fries with that?"
Riddle 2.1.5
1) "I know a word of letters three,
add two and fewer there will be."
So, what's the word?
2) What is so fragile that when you say its
name you break it?
3) The first is foremost legally
The second circles outwardly
The third leeds in victory
The last twice ends a nominee
What am I?
4)Count the number of "F"'s in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS
OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE
EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.
Got it?
(Scroll down)
add two and fewer there will be."
So, what's the word?
2) What is so fragile that when you say its
name you break it?
3) The first is foremost legally
The second circles outwardly
The third leeds in victory
The last twice ends a nominee
What am I?
4)Count the number of "F"'s in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS
OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE
EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.
Got it?
Spirit Of Diversity
Battle Of The Sexes
Nobody will ever win the Battle
of the Sexes. There's just too
much fraternizing with the enemy.
Howdy's Driveway
Reference These Sites:
PICS FROM SPACE
http://hubblesite.org
The Hubble Space Telescope can photograph images from farthest
space. Check pictures of exploding stars and black holes.
KIDS' SITE: PAINTING BY NUMBERS
http://www.segmation.com/SegPlayOverview.html
Remember paint by numbers? Pick a color and fill the appropriate
part of the picture. Choose from several cool pictures.
Detective Retirement
A detective who spent his entire career in plain
clothes quit the police force and bought a farm.
"What kind of crops do you plan to grow?"
the police chief asked the farmer-to-be.
"Carrots and potatoes," the man replied.
"Why carrots and potatoes?" asked the chief.
"Because," answered the ex-detective, . . .
"I'm very fond of undercover crops."
* * * Great Archives Here - - - - "Music That Howdy Enjoys" Below * * *
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