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The E.Newspaper
By Dr. Howdy, Ph.D.
A.P.E., N.U.T.

************************
Check Out Comments -
Humor + Letters From Readers
Add Something Yourself
************************

Friday

 

The Movies




A fellow took a UNC student to the movies. During the pre-
views, she asked him if he would go and buy her some M & M's.


When he returned with her candy, she opened the bag,
picked
out all the brown ones and threw them away.

"What did you do that for?" he asked her.


"I'm allergic to chocolate!" she replied.






 

Business Call







 

A Lady Or Birds???







 

Was Not Me!!!







 

Illusion?







 

On Strike!!!

.


Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on
strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the
doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist
over there to read the picket signs!








 

Pay Close Attention To What
You Are Reading & Saying!

.


The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
We must polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was
time to present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.



The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.







 

Deep Question

.


Q: Why don't seagulls fly over the bay?
A: Because they would be bagels.






 

The Sheriff

.


A sheriff walks into a saloon and shouts for everyone's attention.
"Has anyone seen Brown Paper Jake?"

"What's he look like?", asks one shoddy-looking cowboy.

"Well", replies the Sheriff. "He wears a brown paper hat, a brown paper
waistcoat, a brown paper shirt, brown paper boots, brown paper pants,
and a brown paper jacket."

"So what's he wanted for?" asks the same cowboy.

"Rustlin'."







 

A Prof's Visit

.


A UNC student's English prof paid a visit to his
house one day. When the student opened the door,
she asked "Are your father and mother in, Mr. Morton?"

"They was in, but they is out." he answered.

The UNC English prof. gasped, "Why, Mr. Morton,
it is 'They were in, they are out.' Where's your grammar?"

"She's upstairs taking her nap."






 

Woman'sFeelings

.


"I cannot think well of a man who sports with
any woman's feelings; and there may often
be a great deal more suffered than a stander-by
can judge of." - Jane Austen (1775 - 1817), Mansfield Park







 

Peat Moss

.


A woman went into a hardware store to purchase
a bale of peat moss. She gave a personal check
in payment and said to the clerk, "I suppose you
will want some identification."

He replied, without hesitation, "No ma'am, that
won't be necessary."

"How come?" asked the woman.

"Crooks don't buy peat moss." answered the clerk.






 

Card Game





Jones jumped up from the card table white with rage.
"Stop this game," he shouted, "Smith is cheating!"

"How do you know?" "He's not playing the hand
I dealt him."






 

Young Lady

.


"But when a young lady is to be a heroine,
the perverseness of forty surrounding families
cannot prevent her. Something must and will
happen to throw a hero in her way."
- Jane Austen (1775 - 1817), Northanger Abbey







 

G.K. Chesterton Quote

.


Faith and love are apt to be spasmodic in the best of minds.
Men and women live on the brink of mysteries and harmonies
into which they never enter and with their hand on the doorlatch
they die outside. G.K. Chesterton








 

'T & H' International Headquarters







 

What's Worse???

.


Q: What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A: A hippopotamus with chapped lips.








 

ECNALUBMA




ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma) n. A rescue vehicle
which can only be seen in the rear-view mirror.








 

1742: Faneuil Hall Opened to the Public




Faneuil Hall, financed by wealthy merchant Peter Faneuil and
designed by John Smibert, opened to the public in
Boston.
The building, dubbed the "Cradle of Liberty"
for the revolutionary
meetings that took place inside,
housed a food market area. The
building burned
down in 1761, and Smibert designed a new building
that was expanded by Charles Bulfinch in 1805.

MORE!!!






 

Oxymorons

.


* wise fool
* only choice
* jumbo shrimp
* almost exactly
* same difference
* pretty ugly
* definite maybe
* original copy
* found missing






 

Definitions

.


PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone
number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always
letting the phone ring at least twice before you
pick it up, even when you're six inches away.






 

Petishun Against 'T & H'

.


Petishun
~~~~~~~
We UNC* grads at the ofise are tired of all the the dum stoopid jokes
about us. We think this is hairassment. It causes us grate stress and
makes our roots turn grey. We have hired a loyer and he is talking to
the loyers at Chappel Hill. We will take this all the way to the supream
cort if we have two. Juj Smit knos all about hairassment and he will
be on are side.



We have also talked to the govner to make a new law to stop this
pursicushun. We want a law that makes peepol tell Vandy, State
& FSU jokes as
much as UNC jokes and every so often a Duke joke.
If we don't
get our way we will not lik anybody that ain't a UNC grad
and we will
make up jokes about you and we will laff.

Sined by the UNC grads

________
*UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill.
Specializing in a wide range of degree programs including:
B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), A.P.E., B.R.C.
(Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898
for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were
unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher
learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State.






 

TOP 10 THINGS MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN

.



Subject: TOP 10 THINGS MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN:

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.






 

Walt Disney

.



Entertainment Magnate and Film Pioneer. Most remembered
for
creating Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and a host of other
cartoon characters. He has won 32 Oscars, more than any
other person, for his extraordinary achievements in films.
In 1928, Walt created Mickey Mouse. His third Mickey
Mouse film, "Steamboat Willie," was the first cartoon
to use synchronized sound and became an overnight success.
Walt was the voice of Mickey for the first ten years of the
cartoon. In 1934, Disney pioneered the first full length
cartoon movie, "Snow White", and again, critics were over-
come by the sheer popular response of the public to the
movie. In 1950, he produced his first live-action film,
"Treasure Island," and in 1955, he opened his first theme
park, Disneyland. Prior to his death in 1966 in Los Angeles,
California, of lung cancer, he began work on his latest
theme park in Orlando, Florida: Walt Disney's World.
Forty years after Walt's death, the Disney empire
occasionally keeps to Walt's pro-family legacy.

Died: December 15, 1966
Born: December 5, 1901






 

Keep looking at the picture
and you'll see a giraffe -
honest!!







 

Famous Quotes

.


"The Bible has been the Magna Charta of the poor and oppressed.
The human race is not in a position to dispense with it."
- Thomas
Huxley (Author & Scientist)



"The whole hope of human progress is suspended on the ever
growing influence of the Bible." - W.H. Seward (Secretary of State)



We must seek revival of our strength in the spiritual foundations
which are the bedrock of our republic. Democracy is the outgrowth
of the religious conviction of the sacredness of every human life.
On the religious side, its highest enlightenment is the Bible; on the
political side, the Constitution. --President Herbert Hoover



Our deep and heartfelt gratitude is due to that Almighty Power
which has bestowed upon us such varied and numerous blessings
throughout the past year. The general health of the country has
been excellent, our harvests have been unusually plentiful, and
prosperity smiles throughout the land. Indeed, notwithstanding
our demerits, we have much reason to believe from the past
events in our history that we have enjoyed the special protection
of Divine Providence... --President James Buchanan



Without the assistance of the Divine Being... I cannot succeed.
With that assistance I cannot fail. Trusting in Him who can go
with me, and remain with you, and be everywhere for good,
let us confidently hope that all will yet be well. To His care
commending you, as I hope in your prayers you will
commend me, I bid you an affectionate farewell.
- President Abraham Lincoln



Peace is precious to us. It is the way of life we strive for with
all the strength and wisdom we possess. But more precious
than peace are freedom and justice…This is our cause: peace,
freedom, justice. We will pursue this cause with determination
and humility, asking divine guidance that in all we do we may
follow the will of God. --President Harry S. Truman














* * * Great Archives Here - - - - "Music That H Enjoys" Below * * *

* * * Great Archives Here - - - - "Music That Howdy Enjoys" Below * * *

December 26   January 02   January 09   January 16   January 23   January 30   February 06   February 13   February 20   February 27   March 06   March 13   March 20   March 27   April 03   April 10   April 17   April 24   May 01   May 08   May 15   May 22   May 29   June 05   June 19   June 26   July 03   July 10   July 17   July 24   July 31   August 07   August 21   August 28   September 04   September 11   September 18   September 25   October 02   October 09   October 16   October 23   October 30   November 06   November 13   November 20   November 27   December 04   December 11   December 18   December 25   January 01   January 08   January 15   January 22   January 29   February 05   February 12   February 19   December 30  

Jesus and The Da Vinci Code

How Can I Know God???

Tales of Narnia

Answering Islam

The Da Vinci Code

A Short Look At Six World Religions

Bible - God's Word in different languages...

Bible Study Info

Christian Web Info

Don't Be Left Behind

For The University Crowd

Hard Questions Answered

How to become a Christian

Mr. Contoversial

Great For Kids

Stories For Kids

Bible Knowledge Challenge

The Young Earth Club

Who Is Jesus???

Christian Apologetics

Christian Web Info

God Bless The USA

Great Christians In History

History of American Christianity

Bible Instructions

RBC

Dr. Ben Haden

Bible Search Tools

Kids For Truth

Lincoln - A Christian

Mission To America

One Place For Learning

Our Daily Bread

President Lincoln

Red Skelton's Pledge of Allegiance

Intellectual Takeout

Evangelical Viewpoint

Dr. John Vernon McGee

Insight For Living

Turning Point

Outstanding Bible Teacher

Dr. Tony Evans

Listen To The Bible

Is Jesus God?

Great Bible Teaching

*America - Why I Love Her - Big John Wayne*

The Church & Israel

How To Become A Christian

*Watch The Jesus Movie*

Fireworks

Your very own library

Muhammad or Jesus???

Why The U.S.A. Is At War - 1

Why The U.S.A. Is At War - 2

Christian Women

Is Jesus God?

Statement Of What Howdy Believes!!!

Bible Crosswords

Great Bible Teacher

All About Cults

Religion Comparison

The Relationship of the Church to Israel

Just For Guys

Church History

***Watch The Jesus Movie***
{Many Languages}





Music That Ho Enjoys



God Bless America - Kate Smith

Military Music

Boston Pops: God Bless America

This Land Is Your Land

Blue Moon

Say A Prayer

Hawaii Five O

LawOrder

The Battle Of New Orleans

Beverly Hillbillies

Indiana Jones

James Bond

Jaws

Magnum

Mission Impossible

Peter Gunn

Rocky

Singing In The Rain

Star Wars

Top Gun

Peggy Sue

Downtown

Elvis

Chuck Berry

Rock Around The Clock

Dueling Guitars

Blueberry Hill

A Taste Of Honey - clip

(I Left My Heart) In San Francisco - clip

Take The 'A' Train - clip

Hello, Dolly! - clip

Peggy Sue - clip

Theme From Peter Gunn - clip

Song from Moulin Rouge

Malagueña

Ebb Tide

Tara's Theme from Gone with the Wind

Around the World in 80 Days

Breakfast at Tiffany's

Charade

The Way We Were

You Do Something to Me

SWonderful

Adios

A Foggy Day

Amor

Anna

Arrivederci Roma

Theme from Moulin Rouge II

Stardust - Big Band

Bolero

Brazil

Rhapsody in Blue

Sleepy Lagoon

My Foolish Heart

Lisbon Antigua

La Mer

April in Portugal

Because of You

Poor People of Paris

Unchained Melody

Stranger on the Shore

Solace

Maple Leaf Rag

Voices of Spring

Emperor Waltz

Radetzky March

Water Music (Excerpt) George Frideric Handel

Finale - William Tell Overture

Overture - My Fair Lady

The Rain in Spain

The Lonely Bull - Herb Alpert

Tijuana Taxi - Herb Alpert

The Happy Whistler

So Rare

Mona Lisa

Ghost Riders in the Sky

Walk, Don't Run

Wonderland by Night

Canadian Sunset

Blue Tango

The Happy Wanderer

Down Yonder

Midnight in Moscow

Crazy Medley

Tequila

That's for Me

Quiet Village

Harbor Lights

Dueling Banjoes II

Autumn Leaves

My Foolish Heart

Don't Know Much

I WALK THE LINE

EL PASO

TENNESSEE WALTZ

STAND BY YOUR MAN

ON THE ROAD AGAIN

Close To You

Rainy Days & Mondays

Sing A Song

Yesterday Once More

We've Only Just Begun

Goodbye To Love

Only You

As Time Goes By

As Time Goes By II

As Time Goes By - Original

After Loving

San Francisco

Stranger In Paradise

Mrs. Howdy

Rags To Riches

The Good Life

Hello Dolly

All Of Me

Thank Heaven For Little Girls

Beyond The Sea

Everybody Loves

Return To Me

That's Amore

Autumn Leaves

Love Me With All Your Heart

If I Give My Heart To You

Autumn Leaves II

Autumn Leaves III

See The USA

My Prayer

You Always Hurt

Take Me Out To The Ballgame

Love Me Tender

Its Now Or Never

Old Shep

Dont Be Cruel

When I Fall In Love

When I Fall In Love II

When I Fall In Love III

A Fool Such As I

You'll Never Know

Fascination

I'm Yours

Wish You Were Here

Lady Of Spain

CanadianSunset

It's Magic

Secret Love

This Magic Moment

My Prayer

Twilight Time

Great Pretender

Harbor Lights

Little Darlin'

Wanted

No Other Love

Magic Moments

Till The End Of Time

Dont Let The Stars

Overture - Barber of Seville

Back In The Saddle

You Always Hurt

When I Fall

When A Man

True Love

Sincerely

Sweetheart

In The Mood

A Taste Of Honey

The Lonely Bull

Lollipops And Roses

This Guys In Love With You

What Now My Love

Three Coins In The Fountain

You've Gotta Have Heart

HeartOfMyHeart

Stranger In Paradise II

Love Is...

Unforgettable

Georgia On My Mind

Sentimental Over You

Thanks For The Memories

Too Young

Because

Never On Sunday

Yellow Rose Of Texas

Windy

My Little Corner

Speak Low

Moments To Remember

HernandosHideaway

Be My Love

Embassy Waltz

Misty

A Certain Smile

Chances Are

Not For Me To Say

Stranger On The Shore

I'll Be Seeing You

Cherry Pink

Downtown

Moonlight Serenade

Last Date

Naughty Lady

Til I Kissed You

All I Have To Do Is Dream

Dixie Land Band

Ghost Riders In The Sky

The Happy Wanderer

Lollipops

Santa Catalina

Band Of Gold

Auld Lang Syne

The Wayward Wind

P.S. I Love You

Harbor Lights

Ebb Tide

Lime Light

Green Door

My Heart Cries

Down Yonder

Silvana Mangano Anna

Does Your Chewing Gum?

Grand Night For Singing

Purple People Eater

Orange Blossom Special

I'll Get By

'Til Then

Katie At UNC

Love Letters

As Time Goes By

Cheek To Cheek

Mission Impossible

The Way You Look Tonight

Frenesi

Glad To Be An American

Battle Hymn Of The Republic

How Great Thou Art

Have Thine Own Way

Beyond The Sunset

Amazing Grace

He's Got The Whole World

Peace In The Valley

How Great Thou Art II

Stars & Stripes Forever

Tennessee Waltz

Beverly Hillbillies Theme

El Paso

Happy Trails

Big John

Sixteen Tons

Which Doctor?

Wonderful! Wonderful!

Misty

Gina

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Mr. Sandman

Bad Leroy

Only The Lonely

Pachelbel

Magnificent 7

Magnificent 7 - II

Rawhide

I Walk The Line


God loves you so much that He died for you!!!



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Verse of the Day




* * * Four important things to KNOW: #1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned & fall short of the glory of God. #2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal separation from God, & damnation) but the Gift (free & at no charge to you) of God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in union with) Jesus Christ (God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah, Prince of Peace & Savior of the World). #3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone, anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes (trust in, relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven). #4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE. No one (male/female - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist, Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives) to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through) ME (no other name). *** This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - - (Rev. 3:20) {Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good things, etc. are not requirements for becoming a Christian - however they are great afterwards!!!} *** Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment), and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness, forever with God), and only a few find it.




D I S C L A I M E R If someone should ask if it's legal to download songs
found on various non-commercial sites, such as this one.

Well, I'm neither a lawyer nor a technician,
and I've begun to wonder if it was legal for
us to tape music off the radio back when
tape recorders first came into being.

And were we committing a crime when we recorded
a movie shown on TV with our VCRs? And was it
really legal to buy a dual-deck recorder for the
express purpose of duplicating cassettes?

My answer to all of the above is, "I don't know."

Nonetheless, here is a formal statement in
some kind of legalize that appears to apply
to this kind of file availability:

The songs on this site are copyrighted by their respective artists and are placed here
for evaluation purposes only. No profits or sales are made on this site from their use.

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