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The E.Newspaper
By Dr. Howdy, Ph.D.
A.P.E., N.U.T.
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Humor + Letters From Readers
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Friday
Cyber-Travel
Setting off the alarm while passing through a metal detector
at McCarran Intl. Airport in Las Vegas, a traveling UNC grad
was asked by a security agent if she had any change.
"Shoot," the UNC grad says, turning towards her husband,
I told you we should of gone to Florida instead.....everyone
here expects to be tipped."
Web-Cartoon
Twin Dolphins
The picture below has 2 identical dolphins in it. It was
used in a case study on stress level at St. Mary's Hospital,
London. Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water.
The dolphins are identical. A closely monitored, scientific
study of a group revealed that in spite of the fact that the
dolphins are identical, a person under stress would find
differences in the two dolphins. If there are many differences
found between both dolphins, it means that the person is
experiencing a great amount of stress.
Look at the photograph and if you find more than one or two
differences you may want to take a vacation.
used in a case study on stress level at St. Mary's Hospital,
London. Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water.
The dolphins are identical. A closely monitored, scientific
study of a group revealed that in spite of the fact that the
dolphins are identical, a person under stress would find
differences in the two dolphins. If there are many differences
found between both dolphins, it means that the person is
experiencing a great amount of stress.
Look at the photograph and if you find more than one or two
differences you may want to take a vacation.
Cyber-Cartoon
CyberHistory
Independence Day or Fourth of July is the annual celebration
of the United States' "birthday," the date of the passage of
the Declaration of Independence by the Continental Congress
on July 4, 1776. The first celebrations included bell ringing,
bonfires, processions, and speeches. In some towns, these
celebrations also had a mock funeral for the king, symbol-
izing the end of America's rule by the British monarchy.
It was not until 1941, however, that Congress officially
established the Fourth of July as a legal holiday.
The date could easily have been July 2, the day on which the
Continental Congress approved a resolution for independence,
or August 2, the day on which the members of Congress actually
signed the document. But it was on July 4 that the final text
of the Declaration, which had been drafted by Thomas Jefferson,
was ratified. By 1788, the Fourth of July also commemorated
the U.S. Constitution as well, which had recently been
approved by ten states.
Feasting has always been part of Fourth of July celebrations.
In the beginning there were banquets, but this has evolved
into outdoor barbecues and picnics. Barbecue was originally
a word for a wooden framework for sleeping or for drying or
storing meat or fish. The word derives from Arawak or
Haitian or Taina barbacoa and became Spanish barbacoa,
"wooden frame on posts" or "framework for meat over fire."
Barbeque is the variant spelling. In English, the word's
first meanings were the framework and the animal roasted on
it; the usage of "social entertainment" is not recorded until
1733. Picnic is from French pique-nique, but that word's
origin is unknown. Picnics started out as social occasions
(the word first recorded in English in 1748) to which each
participant brought comestibles.
Sandra Day O'Connor
Sandra Day O'Connor has split the scene. A lawyer has quit a court.
She's on a plane to Minneapolis, it is said. She's not even in town,
yet all the news cameras are focused outside her vacant home, and
all of this hysteria. This is going to go on all day long, and all of this
hysteria? We don't even have a nominee yet, and it's breathless out
there, this hysteria. One person, one lawyer, folks, has quit the
Supreme Court -- and look it, this is a great way to illustrate the point
that a number of us have been trying to make for a few weeks now,
months, even years on the whole concept of judicial activism, because
this hysteria, this interest, this breathlessness, shows how a bunch
of unelected judges have become the final authority in our country,
and people crave a final authority, obviously. This illustrates it.
People want somebody that has all the answers, and unfortunately
we have invested nine lawyers on the Supreme Court as the nine
people who are unelected and unaccountable who have all the answers.
She was a predictable fifth vote for most of the court's activist decisions,
and by activist decisions I mean judges imposing their personal professional
preferences rather than interpreting the Constitution. Activism is when you
forget the Constitution and rewrite it according to your own personal policy
preferences, and she was pretty reliable as a fifth vote in that regard.
MORE!!!
CyberRiddles
1) I just sit here, watching the time pass me by;
The strange thing is I don't have any eyes.
Sometimes I have a mustache with uneven sides;
Other times I have a pulse that almost never dies.
Sometimes I have a face, but no emotion shows;
But numerous expression always from me flows.
Sometimes I'm bounded to somebody's arm;
Other times I bring the day by alarm.
People refer to me almost every day;
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
What Am I?
The strange thing is I don't have any eyes.
Sometimes I have a mustache with uneven sides;
Other times I have a pulse that almost never dies.
Sometimes I have a face, but no emotion shows;
But numerous expression always from me flows.
Sometimes I'm bounded to somebody's arm;
Other times I bring the day by alarm.
People refer to me almost every day;
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
What Am I?
2) What is bigger when it is put
upside down?
upside down?
3) Five hundred begins it
Five hundred ends it
Five in the middle is seen
The first of all letters and the first of all numbers find
their places in between.
Scroll Down For Answers - Look For UNC Prof...
Five hundred ends it
Five in the middle is seen
The first of all letters and the first of all numbers find
their places in between.
Scroll Down For Answers - Look For UNC Prof...
CyberHumor
Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: A fsh.
CyberThought
The bald eagle (also called the American or white-headed
eagle, Haliaeetus leucocephalus) is the national bird of the
United States and one of the largest birds in the world.
"Bald" in this instance means "white," not "hairless." Eagle
comes from the Latin word aquila, "black eagle," from
aquilus, "dark-colored," which it is until it gets the white
head plumage as an adult. The eagle has been a symbol of
freedom and liberty and power since ancient times. Some
people, like Benjamin Franklin, did not agree that the eagle
was an appropriate symbol. Franklin thought the turkey was a
better choice for the national bird.
The term for a combustible or explosive or pyrotechnic
("pertaining to fire art") projectile was "rocket" until
fireworks was used in 1777 to describe these in connection
with the first Fourth of July celebration. "Rockets" are
still the most popular form of firework. Rockets are lifted
by recoil from the jet of fire created by the burning
ingredients - and they are designed for maximum combustion
and maximum thrust. Fireworks originated in ancient China.
The word firecracker refers to those that make loud sounds
and sparklers are those that send off a shower of sparks.
The very first Fourth of July celebrations in 1777 included
fireworks as a part of the festivities.
A flag as a piece of cloth used as a standard, signal, or
symbol in English dates to the late 15th century. The word
may be an onomatopoeic representation for such a cloth
flapping in the wind, but the origin remains obscured. As
far as the American flag goes, there are many theories about
its origin, with the story of Betsy Ross being the most
famous.
The first Fourth of July parade took place on the Potomac
River in Washington, D.C. when President John Quincy Adams
led a boat procession up the river. Parade comes from a
French word meaning "a showing" or "action of stopping a
horse," originating from Latin parare, "to prepare."
Gophercentral
Old Farmer's Advice
.
* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
* Life ain't about how fast you run, or how high you climb,
but how well you bounce.
* Keep skunks and lawyers at a distance.
* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
* Meanness don't jest happen overnight.
* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
* Every path has a few puddles.
* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
* Don't judge folks by their relatives.
* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
* It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that
comes from bad judgment.
* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin'
it back in.
Tks: John in Peru
* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
* Life ain't about how fast you run, or how high you climb,
but how well you bounce.
* Keep skunks and lawyers at a distance.
* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
* Meanness don't jest happen overnight.
* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
* Every path has a few puddles.
* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
* Don't judge folks by their relatives.
* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
* It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that
comes from bad judgment.
* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin'
it back in.
Tks: John in Peru
Archives
Thursday
Can you explain the Trinity?
Did you hear about the physician who wrote out
a prescription in the usual doctor's fashion?
The patient used it for two years as a railroad pass.
Twice it got him into Radio City Music Hall, and
once into Yankee Stadium.
It came in handy as a letter from his employer to
the cashier to increase his salary.
And to top it off, his daughter played it on the piano
and won a scholarship to the Curtis Music Conservatory.
I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks
that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said,
"No, the steaks are too high."
CyberCartoon
Cyber-Cartoon
Almighty God…I yield thee humble and hearty thanks that thou has preserved
me from the danger of the night past, and brought me to the light of the day,
and the comforts thereof, a day which is consecrated to Thine own service and
for Thine own honor.
Let my heart, therefore, Gracious God, be so affected with the glory and majesty
of it, that I may not do mine own works, but wait on thee, and discharge those
weighty duties thou requirest of me. --From the Prayer Journal of George Washington
The mind is a fascinating guardian of detail. Certain conversations,
events, or images become etched in our minds. Some are recalled at
strange moments; others are brought to mind recurrently throughout life.
Countless others, though filed, are forgotten.
MORE!!!
New Book:
The murder of Terri Schiavo
Terri Schiavo is dead, but her cause -- the cause of life -- is very much alive.
In Silent Witness: The Untold Story of Terri Schiavo's Death, former LAPD
detective and New York Times bestselling author Mark Fuhrman details why.
For although the media jackals and unconscionable Leftist hecklers who
cheered her starvation and death have moved on, lingering questions remain
about Terri's life and death. Fuhrman here applies all his highly respected
investigative skills to the medical evidence, legal case files, and police records.
The result is this sobering book.
With the complete cooperation of Terri Schiavo's parents and siblings, as well
as their medical and legal advisers, and exclusive interviews with forensics experts,
friends of Terri, and Terri's caregivers, Fuhrman uncovers detail after shocking detail
of the Schiavo case -- details that the liberal media overlooked in its haste to see Terri
die. He reveals explosive facts about Terri's marriage, her condition when she collapsed
(including the truth about her alleged "bulimia"), the bitter battles that went on for years
between her parents and her husband Michael Schiavo, and the sparsely reported
circumstances surrounding her death. He sifts through the evidence and frankly examines
the oft-discussed possibility that Michael Schiavo strangled Terri, or that her condition
was caused by his beating her.
Above all, Fuhrman proves that the death of Terri Schiavo was a legal homicide perpetrated
by the State of Florida at the behest of Michael Schiavo -- who, while he always protested that
he was doing it all for Terri, was actually in it always and only for himself. He demonstrates
that Terri died because everyone failed her: the people charged with her care, the police, the
politicians and judges involved with the case, and above all the man who claimed to care for
her more than anyone else: her husband Michael Schiavo. Says Fuhrman of Terri's husband:
"the control that he exerted over even the smallest details concerning her treatment, the efforts
that he made to restrict access to her medical records and permission to visit her, and finally
the stubbornness with which he pursued her legally sanctioned death -- is extreme to the point
of suspicion."
Fuhrman's conclusions about the details of the case are often surprising, always carefully weighed,
and more urgent than ever -- now that the Left is doing its best to use the precedents set by the
Schiavo case to narrow the right to life even further. Now that Terri is dead, the Schiavo controversy
has dropped out of the headlines and talk shows. But the struggle for the defense of life rages on.
The legal issues and ethical questions provoked by Terri Schiavo's extraordinary case may be
hotly debated for years to come. Silent Witness reveals why the struggle to make sure there are
no more Terri Schiavos is more urgent than ever.
Mark Fuhrman reveals:
1) How, when she saw family members crippled and incapacitated, Terri Schiavo never
mentioned that she would not want to be kept alive in such a state.
2) The marriage of Terri and Michael Schiavo: what it was really like (including details
of their wedding, which, according to one eyewitness, was "all about him").
3) The fateful events of the day that Terri collapsed.
4) Evidence that casts into doubt Michael Schiavo's repeated statements that Terri
would have wanted to be disconnected from life support -- including his 1991 question,
"How should I know what Terri wanted?"
5) What Michael Schiavo did when he discovered Terri unconscious -- plus the curious
circumstances of his 911 call.
6) Terri: did bulimia cause her collapse? Proof that she exhibited only two of the dozens
of common symptoms of bulimia.
7) What the March 1991 bone scan report on Terri reveals about whether or not she was
a victim of domestic abuse.
8) Michael Schiavo's depression and suicidal thoughts: and the chilling warning his
doctor gave to Robert Schindler, Terri's father.
9) The "Do Not Revive" order that Michael insisted be added to Terri's medical file.
10) The affidavit from a nurse who cared for Terri that testifies to how responsive
she really was during her long illness.
11) Judge George Greer: how he consistently ruled in favor of Michael Schiavo,
no matter how many inconsistent and questionable judgments he had to make
in order to do so.
12) "This whole 'death with dignity' is nothing but a big lie": anguished statements
from Terri's brother, Bobby Schindler, who witnessed her suffering.
(A non-paid adv.)
The Emerging Church
Emerging Church leaders demonstrate an incredible naivete about the nature
of postmodernism. The postmodern ethos tends to be anti-absolutist, suspicious
of truth claims, and wide open to relativism. It tends to adopt therapeutic approaches
to spirituality, and -- whether despite the individualism of the Western heritage
or perhaps even because of it -- it is often attracted to communitarian wholeness.
MORE!!!
Wednesday
Two UNC students were sitting on a bench in Chapel Hill
looking at the moon........ and one student says to the other,
"Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?"
"The other student turns and says, "Helloooooooooo, can you
see Florida.......?????"
New UNC Grad Bride
TOM CRUISE BIDS FAREWELL TO EARTH
Actor Tom Cruise stunned the worlds of cinema and space travel today,
bidding Earth farewell forever as he returned to his planet of origin.
At a launch pad on the outskirts of Malibu constructed specifically for
his intergalactic journey, Mr. Cruise spoke briefly to friends, well-wishers,
and Larry King, who was covering the launch for CNN.
MORE!!!
Tuesday
Q. What did one pickle say to the other?
A. "You mean a great dill to me."
A man had his first appointment with a psychiatrist and
when asked why he was there, the man said, "Doctor,
I'm tired of being on the outside looking in."
"Well," responded the doctor, "sounds like we have to try to
improve your self-image. Let's get a few basic facts first.
What do you do for a living?"
The patient said, "I'm a window washer."
ATHLETES WHO OVERCAME HANDICAPS
GLENN CUNNINGHAM--track and field
Both legs severely burned in schoolhouse fire at age 8.
Became the NCAA and AAU champion in the mile. Won the
Sullivan Trophy for athletic achievements and sportsman-
ship. Despite a toeless left foot, he set world record in
the mile in 1934 with 4:06.7. Took silver medal in the
1,500 meters in the 1936 Olympics.
BILL TALBERT--tennis
Diagnosed as diabetic at age 9 in 1928, when prescribed
treatment was total inactivity to conserve energy. At age
13 took up tennis after he convinced his father and his
doctors to allow him to participate in active sports. Won
a total of 33 national championships, 30 of them in doubles.
RAY EWRY--track and field
Stricken with a form of paralysis in childhood. Confined
to bed, then a wheelchair. Regained use of legs through
daily exercises. Won Olympic gold medals in various stand-
ing jumps in 1900, 1904, 1906, and 1908. Still holds the
record for the most medals won in Olympic competition (10).
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