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The E.Newspaper
By Dr. Howdy, Ph.D.
A.P.E., N.U.T.
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Friday
Riddles 12.16.5
.
1) You may praise your good fortune
and curse all you hate,
Yet I rule all your chaos and gamble your fate.
By some I'm avoided by others I'm game,
Called by fat or slim, my meanings the same.
4) Take away my first letter and I remain the same.
Take away my second letter and I remain unchanged.
Take away my third letter and I am unchanged.
Take away all my letters and I am still exactly the same.
What am I?
1) You may praise your good fortune
and curse all you hate,
Yet I rule all your chaos and gamble your fate.
By some I'm avoided by others I'm game,
Called by fat or slim, my meanings the same.
2) Of all the words; we are four
All rhyming down to the core
One is what a pen is for
Another's brightness can't be more
The third is a toy soaring through the wind
The last happens late, you must comprehend
Now tell me what these four words are
And you just might go really far.
All rhyming down to the core
One is what a pen is for
Another's brightness can't be more
The third is a toy soaring through the wind
The last happens late, you must comprehend
Now tell me what these four words are
And you just might go really far.
3) My first is at the beginning of race,
My second at the end of face.
My third is at the beginning of a word
in a question,
The fourth is in a word for "to question".
My fifth is in race, yet not in ace,
And for the last, I am starting done.
My second at the end of face.
My third is at the beginning of a word
in a question,
The fourth is in a word for "to question".
My fifth is in race, yet not in ace,
And for the last, I am starting done.
Take away my second letter and I remain unchanged.
Take away my third letter and I am unchanged.
Take away all my letters and I am still exactly the same.
What am I?
Lassie Matrix Video
UNC INVENTIONS
.
A freezer for Eskimos.
AC adapter for solar calculators.
Air-Bag Motorcycle jacket.
Battery powered battery charger.
Battery-operated nuclear power plants.
Blinker Fluid.
Braille Drivers' Manual
Cat flap for the fridge
A freezer for Eskimos.
AC adapter for solar calculators.
Air-Bag Motorcycle jacket.
Battery powered battery charger.
Battery-operated nuclear power plants.
Blinker Fluid.
Braille Drivers' Manual
Cat flap for the fridge
Can You Tell A Book By Its Author?
.
French Population.....................Francis Crowded
Downpour! .................................Wayne Dwops
Cloning .......................................Ima Dubble
Irish Flooring .............................Lynn O'Leum
Personal House Construction ....Bill Jerome Home
Unemployed ...............................Anita Job
Off to Market ..............................Tobias A. Pigg
Holmes Does it Again .................Scott Linyard Home
Alone IV .....................................Eddie Buddyhome
Carroll .......................................Alison Wonderland Leo
Tolstoy ......................................Warren Peace Neither
Borrower ...................................Nora Lender Bee
Chef ...........................................Sue Flay
Tight Situation .........................Leah Tard
Why Cars Stop ..........................M. T. Tank
Wind in the Willows ................Russell Ingleaves
Look Younger ...........................Fay Slift
Mountain Climbing ..................Andover Hand
It's Springtime! ........................Theresa Green
No! ............................................Kurt Reply
French Population.....................Francis Crowded
Downpour! .................................Wayne Dwops
Cloning .......................................Ima Dubble
Irish Flooring .............................Lynn O'Leum
Personal House Construction ....Bill Jerome Home
Unemployed ...............................Anita Job
Off to Market ..............................Tobias A. Pigg
Holmes Does it Again .................Scott Linyard Home
Alone IV .....................................Eddie Buddyhome
Carroll .......................................Alison Wonderland Leo
Tolstoy ......................................Warren Peace Neither
Borrower ...................................Nora Lender Bee
Chef ...........................................Sue Flay
Tight Situation .........................Leah Tard
Why Cars Stop ..........................M. T. Tank
Wind in the Willows ................Russell Ingleaves
Look Younger ...........................Fay Slift
Mountain Climbing ..................Andover Hand
It's Springtime! ........................Theresa Green
No! ............................................Kurt Reply
Deer John Letter
Merry Christmas
From Howdy
...............Click on Pic to enlarge!
.......................
A man and his girlfriend were out to
dinner one night.
The waiter tells them the night's special
is almond chicken and fresh fish.
"The chicken sounds good; I'll have that,"
the woman says.
The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks.
"Oh, he'll have the fish," she replies.
Are You Gift-Wrapping Porn?
.
An article by Daniel Weiss in the WASHINGTON TIMES
titled: "Christmas, Porn, and Children" points out that many
of the most popular gadgets this year "come with ready access
to hardcore pornography."
For instance, there's the Apple Video iPod, capable of downloading
and storing up to 150 hours of video. Porn industry giants such as
HUSTLER, PENTHOUSE, and PLAYBOY, writes Dan, are form -
ulating content for the new handheld as we speak. And he says
another porn site, called SuicideGirls, "reportedly sold 1 million
downloads of nude models within a week of the video iPod's debut."
Then there are the new high-tech camera and video phones,
which are capable of wireless Internet access without filtering
software. These phones can capture and store up to three mega -
bytes of digital images. And the Sony PlayStation Portable is
also Internet-ready and can be used to download pornographic
pictures and video without any filtering from any wireless technology.
Appallingly, porn producers designed and released films for
Playstation Portable within weeks of its launch. And keep in
mind, PlayStation is intended for children.
MORE!!!
An article by Daniel Weiss in the WASHINGTON TIMES
titled: "Christmas, Porn, and Children" points out that many
of the most popular gadgets this year "come with ready access
to hardcore pornography."
For instance, there's the Apple Video iPod, capable of downloading
and storing up to 150 hours of video. Porn industry giants such as
HUSTLER, PENTHOUSE, and PLAYBOY, writes Dan, are form -
ulating content for the new handheld as we speak. And he says
another porn site, called SuicideGirls, "reportedly sold 1 million
downloads of nude models within a week of the video iPod's debut."
Then there are the new high-tech camera and video phones,
which are capable of wireless Internet access without filtering
software. These phones can capture and store up to three mega -
bytes of digital images. And the Sony PlayStation Portable is
also Internet-ready and can be used to download pornographic
pictures and video without any filtering from any wireless technology.
Appallingly, porn producers designed and released films for
Playstation Portable within weeks of its launch. And keep in
mind, PlayStation is intended for children.
MORE!!!
When Prejudice Becomes A Disease
Is hate a disease? Some psychiatrists think so. This was
the subject of a recent WASHINGTON POST article, titled
"Psychiatry Ponders Whether Extreme Bias Can Be an Illness."
The title suggests the ominous implications.
Mormon Doctrine Of God
.
Mormons consider themselves to be Christian,
but many question this claim.
Mormons consider themselves to be Christian,
but many question this claim.
Thursday
Merry Christmas -
Happy Birthday To The King
Q: What do you call a UNC golfer with an I.Q. of 125?
A: A foursome.
UNC Psch. Profs
In case of terrorist nuclear attack, the federal ruling
against prayer in schools will be temporarily canceled.
Christmas Virus Warning
A musician is hot and tired after the gig, so he pulls
into the 7-11 to get a cold drink. While he's buying
his slurpee, he suddenly realizes that he spaced
out -- the accordion is in the back seat, in full view!
He rushes out of the store... but it's too late. Someone
has already broken the car window.......
........and left another accordion.
BUYING BREAD
.
We learn something new every day! If you
buy bread, look at the twist-tie at the end
of the loaf.
When you go to buy bread in the grocery
store, have you ever wondered which is
the freshest? You probably "squeeze"
for freshness or softness.
Did you know that bread is delivered
fresh to the stores five days a week?
These days are Monday, Tuesday,
Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Each
day has a different color twist-tie on
the bread. They are:
Monday----Blue
Tuesday----Green
Thursday---Red
Friday------White
Saturday----Yellow
The colors go alphabetically by color as shown
above. This makes it very easy to remember.
We learn something new every day! If you
buy bread, look at the twist-tie at the end
of the loaf.
When you go to buy bread in the grocery
store, have you ever wondered which is
the freshest? You probably "squeeze"
for freshness or softness.
Did you know that bread is delivered
fresh to the stores five days a week?
These days are Monday, Tuesday,
Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Each
day has a different color twist-tie on
the bread. They are:
Monday----Blue
Tuesday----Green
Thursday---Red
Friday------White
Saturday----Yellow
The colors go alphabetically by color as shown
above. This makes it very easy to remember.
We work like a horse.
We eat like a pig.
We like to play chicken.
You can get someone's goat.
We can be as slippery as a snake.
We get dog tired.
We can be as quiet as a mouse.
We can be as quick as a cat.
Some of us are as strong as an ox.
People try to buffalo others.
Some are as ugly as a toad.
We can be as gentle as a lamb.
Sometimes we are as happy as a lark.
Some of us drink like a fish.
We can be as proud as a peacock.
A few of us are as hairy as a gorilla.
You can get a frog in your throat.
We can be a lone wolf.
But I'm having a whale of a time!
Overworked!!!
.
For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and
too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real
reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million.
104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do
the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal
government, leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are
in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State
and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving
1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me.
And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.
Howdy
For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep and
too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real
reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million.
104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do
the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal
government, leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are
in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State
and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving
1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me.
And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes.
Howdy
Got A Question?
.
Maybe a librarian can help! Need some help
during exam time? QuestionPoint is an alliance
of libraries.
The service is accessed through local libraries’
Web sites. If the local library can’t answer the
question, or is closed, the query will be passed
on to a facility with expertise in that area.
There is no charge to the user.
Maybe a librarian can help! Need some help
during exam time? QuestionPoint is an alliance
of libraries.
The service is accessed through local libraries’
Web sites. If the local library can’t answer the
question, or is closed, the query will be passed
on to a facility with expertise in that area.
There is no charge to the user.
“Peace on earth, good will toward men,” they used to say this time of year.
Now the prevalent line seems to be, “I’m offended!”
Now the prevalent line seems to be, “I’m offended!”
A very small, but very loud, group of people have decided to further erect
a wall of separation between spirituality and daily life through a secularist
agenda to change Christmas into anything but a religious holiday. On talk
radio, one atheist proclaimed, “The [winter] solstice is the reason for the
season!”
Dear Friends,
Bear with each other and forgive whatever
grievances you may have against one another.
Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Yours,
Paul
C3
Howdy's Computer
Hollywood Destroys Friendship
.
The critics will celebrate Brokeback Mountain, and we can now
expect a flood of similar themes, stories, and depictions. Society
at large is corrupted by the normalization of homosexuality and
the bonds of normal male friendships are weakened, if not destroyed.
Remember all this as Hollywood prepares to celebrate its latest
cultural "achievement."
The critics will celebrate Brokeback Mountain, and we can now
expect a flood of similar themes, stories, and depictions. Society
at large is corrupted by the normalization of homosexuality and
the bonds of normal male friendships are weakened, if not destroyed.
Remember all this as Hollywood prepares to celebrate its latest
cultural "achievement."
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