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We have -
Moved To:

The E.Newspaper
By Dr. Howdy, Ph.D.
A.P.E., N.U.T.

Check Out Comments -
Humor + Letters From Readers
Add Something Yourself



National Champion

A very large, old, building was being torn down
in Chapel Hill, N.C.
to make room for a new dorm.
While working on the 9th floor, two
workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind
elevator shaft. They decided that they should
call the police. When
the police arrived they directed
them to the closet and showed them
the skeleton
fully clothed and standing upright. They said, "This

could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important."

Two days went by and the construction workers
couldn't stand it any more, they had to know who
they had found. They called the police and said,
"We are the two guys who found the skeleton in
the closet and we want to know if it was Jimmy
Hoffa or somebody important."

The police said, "It's not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was
somebody kind of important."

"Well, who was it?"

"The 1956 UNC National Hide-and-Seek Champion."


Don't Try This At Home

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture
with a note of caution. "You don't want to
try these techniques at home."

"Why not?" asked somebody from the audience.

"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast
for years," the expert explained. "She made
lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove,
table and cabinets, often carrying a single
item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon,

why don't you try carrying several things
at once?'"

"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.

"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used
to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast.
Now I do it in seven."


Word Color Test

In this test DO NOT READ the words,
say aloud the COLOR of each word.


This is a type of psycholinguistic test that poses some difficulty
because the portion of the brain that handles language has
the conflicting tasks of verbalizing the color of the written
words while ignoring the meaning of words representing colors.


New Dentist

While waiting for her first appointment
in the reception room of a new (for her)
dentist, a UNC grad noticed the dentist's
certificate on the wall , which bore his
full name.

Suddenly, she remembered that a tall,
handsome boy
with the same name had
been in her university class almost 20
years ago.

Upon seeing him, however, she quickly
discarded any such thought. This balding,
gray-haired man with the deeply lined

face was too old to have been her
classmate, she thought.

After he had examined her teeth, she asked
him if he had attended UNC.

"Yes," he replied.

"When did you graduate?" she asked.

He answered, "In 1983."

"Why, you were in my class!" she exclaimed.

He looked at her closely and then asked,
"What did you teach?"


Pizza Delivery


Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay,
they'd be bagels.


Weekend Riddles 1.29.5

1) A woman went to visit her bank manager and
she took her
young daughter with her. The bank
manager said that the
woman's daughter could
stay with his secretary during the
meeting. When
the woman and her daughter left, the
turned to the other secretary and said to her,

"That little girl was my daughter." How could
that be?

2) Who worked at 17 Cherry Tree Lane, London?
A) Mary Poppins
B) Queen Elizabeth I
C) Sherlock Holmes
D) Winston Churchill

3) What's the only play of Shakespeare to mention America?
A) Comedy of Errors
B) Hamlet
C) Macbeth
D) Tempest

Answers are below


Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains...

A UNC grad tells his psychiatrist,
"Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains."

The shrink replies, "Come now,
pull yourself together."




Match the words in the left-hand column with the correct
definition in the right-hand column. The answer is
listed at the bottom of this blog.

1. loricate ..........A. Having the power to compel conviction
2. patronym.......B. Knowledge of events before they take place
3. tohubohu.....C. Covered with an armor
4. dryasdust.....D. A giddy, frolicsome girl
5. flout...............E. Chaos; confusion
6. prescience....F. To treat with contempt
7. desideratum.G. Covered with hair
8. giglet............H. A surname or family name
9. cogent..........I. Anything desired
10. pileous......J. A dull, pedantic speaker or writer



Maytag is my middle name; I'm an agitator.


The Interview

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Larry King was once asked whom he would
interview if he could choose any person
across time. He quickly responded, "Jesus
Christ," noting that he would ask if Jesus
was indeed virgin born. "For me,"
explained King, "that would order all
of history." In a similar vein, Bertrand
Russell, the renowned agnostic philosopher,
was once asked what he would say if he

found himself standing in front of God.
Russell immediately answered that
would assert, "You did not give us
enough evidence."

MORE: http://xrl.us/ewjs


Where' Grandma

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The military has roll call - you know, reading
out the names to see if everybody's there.
When our family has a get-together - like
Mom, Dad, Grandma, Granddad, and
grandchildren - we don't have roll call.
But we do have one three-year-old
grandson who takes roll in his own
little way. While we're all busy in the
usual chatter and bustle of everyone
catching up, our grandson is obviously
evaluating who's there and who isn't.
You can tell. Before very long, he pipes
up, "Where's Grandma?" or "Where's
Daddy?" or whoever happens to be MIA
at the moment. And he wants answers
about where they are and why they aren't
there. He wants every person in the family
to be there!

MORE: http://xrl.us/ewjp

LISTEN: http://xrl.us/ewjo


Weekend Riddle Answers 1.29.5


1) The secretary was the girl's father.
2) Mary Poppins
3) Comedy of Errors


Someone took this picture of Howdy on a date...


Letters To Howdy

Dearest Howdy,
Please keep on sending me your letters -
it made my day

Like a few others, I have no idea how my address got on this list, but it's
nice to see good ol' Luther College getting some recognition. Usually I
just delete long, unsolicited emails (67 K for jokes?), but I'm glad I
actually read this one! Although I generally dislike HTML mail, most of
your jokes are worth it. Thanks!

Bret (Luther College '87)

I love getting your newsletter. I'm not sure how
I got on the list, but keep it coming. In the last
one, a couple people wrote about being Luther
College grads. I am too! Small World. I'm sure
you could think up some good jokes using Luther!
Let me know if you need any help.

Keep the humor coming. Everyone needs a good laugh.
GO Norse!




Taco Bell Chihuahua

Three male dogs were walking down
the street when they spotted a beautiful
female Poodle. The males were speech-
less. Said the Poodle, "The first one who
can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese'

in an imaginative, intelligent sentence
can go out with me." The black lab
blurted, "I love liver and cheese."
"Oh, how childish," scoffed the Poodle.
She turned to the Golden Retriever.
"Um, I HATE liver and cheese," he
said. "My, my," said the Poodle.

"I guess you're hopeless." She then
turned to the Taco Bell Chihuahua
and said, "How about you, little
guy?" He smiled,
winked, and
said to the other two, "Liver
alone, cheese mine!"




The heaviest element known to science is Managerium.

This element has no protons or electrons, but has a nucleus
composed of 1 neutron, 2 vice-neutrons, 5 junior vice-neutrons,
25 assistant vice-neutrons, and 125 junior assistant
vice-neutrons all going round in circles.

Managerium has a half-life of three years, at which time it does
not decay but institutes a series of reviews leading to

Its molecules are held together by means of the exchange of tiny
particles known as morons.


Someone took this picture of Howdy's backyard:

Emerson Moser, who was Crayola's senior crayon maker,
revealed upon his retirement that he was blue-green
colorblind and couldn't see all the colors! He molded
over 1.4 billion crayons in his 37 year career.


When Elizabeth I of Russia died in 1762, 15,000
dresses were found in her closets. She used to change
what she was wearing two and even three times an evening.


Top Joke In Australia

This woman rushed to see her doctor,
looking very much worried and all strung
out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look
at me. When I woke up this morning,
I looked at myself in the mirror and
saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up,
my skin was all wrinkled and pasty,
my eyes were bloodshot and bugging
out, and I had this corpse-like look on
my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”

The doctor looks her over for a couple
of minutes, then calmly says: “Well,
I can tell you that there ain't nothing
wrong with your eyesight....”


Food In Bulk


A Humongous Word

Never use a humongous word where a diminutive one will suffice.


Show & Tell

A UNC student was telling his biology
during "Show & Tell" about a trip
to the zoo
with some friends & how he
saw a very large
turtle who approached

He exclaimed, "He was walking right tortoise!"


Problem Fixed


Moose Head

A UNC grad goes on vacation out west.
She sees a saloon and decides to see
what it's all about. Once inside she
spots a moose head on the wall.

The bartender notices her looking
at it and asks if she ever saw a moose

"Not where I'm from....do you mind
if I go into the next room and take a
look at the rest of it?"


Beware Of Dog


Pictures That The Networks Won't Show

Please pray for our troops as they defend our
country from terrorism & help free the people
of Iraq. Let's hope that theywill be encouraged
to do their jobs well regardless of complaints
from that bastion of morality: Senator Ted
Kennedy or that great soldier (according to


Cold Food

iWon cartoon of the day by Randy Glasbergen



Employee Of The Month


Kid's Game

Puzzles, coloring and learning are combined here.
Learn nature and technology, or create scenes
and make a film. Ages 3 to 6.


Trivial Pursuit

A UNC student was playing Trivial Pursuit
one night. It was her turn, she rolled the
dice and she landed on "Science & Nature".
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum
and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked,
"Is it on or off?"


Still Here???


Yes, We Get Letters

Dear Devoted friend Howdy,

You really are devoted. There is something beautiful
in your desire to be and do the right thing. No one can
be offended by that (even if we all end up being exhausted
from typing elbow or something).

Robert (duq.edu)

Please send your weekly email to my daughter at the above
listed address, I enjoy it very much and think she would also.

Dear Howdy,

I4m a German student. The first time I got
your e-mail was two months ago. I don4t
know, how did you get my e-mail address,
but I4m really happy about this. I like you
because you make me smile and think!

Thank you!






An Embarrassing Situation

A UNC grad, trying to start up a
conversation with another fella said, "Who
is the ugly lady over there?"

The second man said, "Why, that's my wife!"

Trying to get out of an embarrassing situation,
the grad said, "No, not her, the other one!"

The second man said, "That's my daughter!"


Extended Life


Iraq Christians

Iraqi Christians Pray and Brace
for Election Outcome




1. loricate..............C. Covered with an armor
2. patronym..........H. A surname or family name
3. tohubohu...........E. Chaos; confusion
4. dryasdust.........J. A dull, pedantic speaker or writer
5. flout...................F. To treat with contempt
6. prescience.........B. Knowledge of events before they take place
7. desideratum......I. Anything desired
8. giglet.................D. A giddy, frolicsome girl
9. cogent................A. Having the power to compel conviction
10. pileous............G. Covered with hair


Peanut Gallery

Peanut Gallery is American slang dating to 1888
referring to
the balcony section of a theater--
presumably from hoi polloi
eating peanuts in
the cheap seats. The term was popularized

in the 1950s by the television show Howdy
Doody, in which
the host Buffalo Bob would
call the child audience the
peanut gallery.
In doing so, Buffalo Bob was combining two

different slang traditions.

Peanut is also slang for something small
or inconsequential.
This use dates to the
1930s. By 1942, the word was being
to mean a small or inconsequential person,
or a child.
This is the origin of name of
Charles Schulz's comic strip,
and Howdy
Doody got mileage out of both senses
of the term.


The Three Fastest Means Of Communication

The three fastest means of communication are:

the telephone, the television, and...

tell a woman.


A Bicycle

A bicycle can't stand on its own
because it is two-tired.


Farmer Brown - UNC Grad

A local newspaper was doing a story about
how housing developments were eating up
farmland, putting the livelihood of local
farmers in jeopardy. They interviewed
Arthur Brown, a well-known and respected
farmer who lived on the outskirts of town
and a graduate of UNC. He had received
numerous high-dollar offers for on

particular field which bordered a nearby
housing development.

The photographer took a picture of Farmer
Brown standing on the controversial piece
of land. The picture appeared in the story
and mentioned Farmer Brown as....

.."a man out-standing in his field."



The Evil That Men Do

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In the wake of the tsunami that claimed more than
220,000 lives, some people were asking hard questions.
Faced with such devastation, they wanted to know,
how was it possible to believe in a good, all-powerful

Now stories are leaking out about what's going on in
the aftermath of the tsunami. The reports are sketchy
and anecdotal so far, but they already have people
asking another, equally important, question: Is it
possible to believe in the goodness of man?

MORE: http://xrl.us/evxe


Root Beer Please

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt
under his arm and says: "A root beer, please,
and one for the road."


Find A Doc

Have you moved into a new neighborhood
and need to find a physician nearby? Do you
want to find a specialist for a loved one across
the country, or do you need driving directions
to your physician's office? The WebMD
Physician Directory is your answer.

Search for a physician by name, medical specialty,
distance from your home, HMO plan, hospital
affiliation, or other criteria.

The WebMD Physician Directory is compiled
and regularly updated by The Little Blue BookTM,
a WebMD company. What's more, all information
in the directory is confirmed directly with the source --
the doctors themselves. The award-winning Little
Blue Book is well-known in the medical industry
for its accurate, up-to-date physician information.


Famous Quotes

The image “http://www.kestan.com/travel/dc/1dcindeximages/Washington%20Monument%20sunset.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.

"America was born a Christian nation. America was born
to exemplify that devotion to the elements of righteousness,
which are derived from the revelations of Holy Scriptures.
Part of the destiny of Americans lies in their daily perusal
of this great book of revelations. That if they would see
America free and pure they will make their own spirits
free and pure by this baptism of the Holy Spirit."
--President Woodrow Wilson

For Christians, the life and death of Jesus are the ultimate
expressions of love, and the supreme demonstrations of
God's mercy, faithfulness, and redemption. Since Christ's
miraculous Resurrection on Easter, more than 2,000 years
ago, Christians have expressed joy and gratitude for this
wondrous sacrifice and for God's promise of freedom for
the oppressed, healing for the brokenhearted, and salvation.
--President George W. Bush

"It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this
great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians;
not on religions, but on the gospel of Jesus Christ. For this
very reason peoples of other faiths have been afforded asylum,
prosperity, and freedom of worship here."
--Patrick Henry (original member of the Continental Congress)

* * * Great Archives Here - - - - "Music That H Enjoys" Below * * *

* * * Great Archives Here - - - - "Music That Howdy Enjoys" Below * * *

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Jesus and The Da Vinci Code

How Can I Know God???

Tales of Narnia

Answering Islam

The Da Vinci Code

A Short Look At Six World Religions

Bible - God's Word in different languages...

Bible Study Info

Christian Web Info

Don't Be Left Behind

For The University Crowd

Hard Questions Answered

How to become a Christian

Mr. Contoversial

Great For Kids

Stories For Kids

Bible Knowledge Challenge

The Young Earth Club

Who Is Jesus???

Christian Apologetics

Christian Web Info

God Bless The USA

Great Christians In History

History of American Christianity

Bible Instructions


Dr. Ben Haden

Bible Search Tools

Kids For Truth

Lincoln - A Christian

Mission To America

One Place For Learning

Our Daily Bread

President Lincoln

Red Skelton's Pledge of Allegiance

Intellectual Takeout

Evangelical Viewpoint

Dr. John Vernon McGee

Insight For Living

Turning Point

Outstanding Bible Teacher

Dr. Tony Evans

Listen To The Bible

Is Jesus God?

Great Bible Teaching

*America - Why I Love Her - Big John Wayne*

The Church & Israel

How To Become A Christian

*Watch The Jesus Movie*


Your very own library

Muhammad or Jesus???

Why The U.S.A. Is At War - 1

Why The U.S.A. Is At War - 2

Christian Women

Is Jesus God?

Statement Of What Howdy Believes!!!

Bible Crosswords

Great Bible Teacher

All About Cults

Religion Comparison

The Relationship of the Church to Israel

Just For Guys

Church History

***Watch The Jesus Movie***
{Many Languages}

Music That Ho Enjoys

God Bless America - Kate Smith

Military Music

Boston Pops: God Bless America

This Land Is Your Land

Blue Moon

Say A Prayer

Hawaii Five O


The Battle Of New Orleans

Beverly Hillbillies

Indiana Jones

James Bond



Mission Impossible

Peter Gunn


Singing In The Rain

Star Wars

Top Gun

Peggy Sue



Chuck Berry

Rock Around The Clock

Dueling Guitars

Blueberry Hill

A Taste Of Honey - clip

(I Left My Heart) In San Francisco - clip

Take The 'A' Train - clip

Hello, Dolly! - clip

Peggy Sue - clip

Theme From Peter Gunn - clip

Song from Moulin Rouge


Ebb Tide

Tara's Theme from Gone with the Wind

Around the World in 80 Days

Breakfast at Tiffany's


The Way We Were

You Do Something to Me



A Foggy Day



Arrivederci Roma

Theme from Moulin Rouge II

Stardust - Big Band



Rhapsody in Blue

Sleepy Lagoon

My Foolish Heart

Lisbon Antigua

La Mer

April in Portugal

Because of You

Poor People of Paris

Unchained Melody

Stranger on the Shore


Maple Leaf Rag

Voices of Spring

Emperor Waltz

Radetzky March

Water Music (Excerpt) George Frideric Handel

Finale - William Tell Overture

Overture - My Fair Lady

The Rain in Spain

The Lonely Bull - Herb Alpert

Tijuana Taxi - Herb Alpert

The Happy Whistler

So Rare

Mona Lisa

Ghost Riders in the Sky

Walk, Don't Run

Wonderland by Night

Canadian Sunset

Blue Tango

The Happy Wanderer

Down Yonder

Midnight in Moscow

Crazy Medley


That's for Me

Quiet Village

Harbor Lights

Dueling Banjoes II

Autumn Leaves

My Foolish Heart

Don't Know Much






Close To You

Rainy Days & Mondays

Sing A Song

Yesterday Once More

We've Only Just Begun

Goodbye To Love

Only You

As Time Goes By

As Time Goes By II

As Time Goes By - Original

After Loving

San Francisco

Stranger In Paradise

Mrs. Howdy

Rags To Riches

The Good Life

Hello Dolly

All Of Me

Thank Heaven For Little Girls

Beyond The Sea

Everybody Loves

Return To Me

That's Amore

Autumn Leaves

Love Me With All Your Heart

If I Give My Heart To You

Autumn Leaves II

Autumn Leaves III

See The USA

My Prayer

You Always Hurt

Take Me Out To The Ballgame

Love Me Tender

Its Now Or Never

Old Shep

Dont Be Cruel

When I Fall In Love

When I Fall In Love II

When I Fall In Love III

A Fool Such As I

You'll Never Know


I'm Yours

Wish You Were Here

Lady Of Spain


It's Magic

Secret Love

This Magic Moment

My Prayer

Twilight Time

Great Pretender

Harbor Lights

Little Darlin'


No Other Love

Magic Moments

Till The End Of Time

Dont Let The Stars

Overture - Barber of Seville

Back In The Saddle

You Always Hurt

When I Fall

When A Man

True Love



In The Mood

A Taste Of Honey

The Lonely Bull

Lollipops And Roses

This Guys In Love With You

What Now My Love

Three Coins In The Fountain

You've Gotta Have Heart


Stranger In Paradise II

Love Is...


Georgia On My Mind

Sentimental Over You

Thanks For The Memories

Too Young


Never On Sunday

Yellow Rose Of Texas


My Little Corner

Speak Low

Moments To Remember


Be My Love

Embassy Waltz


A Certain Smile

Chances Are

Not For Me To Say

Stranger On The Shore

I'll Be Seeing You

Cherry Pink


Moonlight Serenade

Last Date

Naughty Lady

Til I Kissed You

All I Have To Do Is Dream

Dixie Land Band

Ghost Riders In The Sky

The Happy Wanderer


Santa Catalina

Band Of Gold

Auld Lang Syne

The Wayward Wind

P.S. I Love You

Harbor Lights

Ebb Tide

Lime Light

Green Door

My Heart Cries

Down Yonder

Silvana Mangano Anna

Does Your Chewing Gum?

Grand Night For Singing

Purple People Eater

Orange Blossom Special

I'll Get By

'Til Then

Katie At UNC

Love Letters

As Time Goes By

Cheek To Cheek

Mission Impossible

The Way You Look Tonight


Glad To Be An American

Battle Hymn Of The Republic

How Great Thou Art

Have Thine Own Way

Beyond The Sunset

Amazing Grace

He's Got The Whole World

Peace In The Valley

How Great Thou Art II

Stars & Stripes Forever

Tennessee Waltz

Beverly Hillbillies Theme

El Paso

Happy Trails

Big John

Sixteen Tons

Which Doctor?

Wonderful! Wonderful!



The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Mr. Sandman

Bad Leroy

Only The Lonely


Magnificent 7

Magnificent 7 - II


I Walk The Line

God loves you so much that He died for you!!!


Click Here

Verse of the Day

* * * Four important things to KNOW: #1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned & fall short of the glory of God. #2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal separation from God, & damnation) but the Gift (free & at no charge to you) of God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in union with) Jesus Christ (God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah, Prince of Peace & Savior of the World). #3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone, anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes (trust in, relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven). #4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE. No one (male/female - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist, Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives) to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through) ME (no other name). *** This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - - (Rev. 3:20) {Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good things, etc. are not requirements for becoming a Christian - however they are great afterwards!!!} *** Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment), and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness, forever with God), and only a few find it.

D I S C L A I M E R If someone should ask if it's legal to download songs
found on various non-commercial sites, such as this one.

Well, I'm neither a lawyer nor a technician,
and I've begun to wonder if it was legal for
us to tape music off the radio back when
tape recorders first came into being.

And were we committing a crime when we recorded
a movie shown on TV with our VCRs? And was it
really legal to buy a dual-deck recorder for the
express purpose of duplicating cassettes?

My answer to all of the above is, "I don't know."

Nonetheless, here is a formal statement in
some kind of legalize that appears to apply
to this kind of file availability:

The songs on this site are copyrighted by their respective artists and are placed here
for evaluation purposes only. No profits or sales are made on this site from their use.

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