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The E.Newspaper
By Dr. Howdy, Ph.D.
A.P.E., N.U.T.
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Humor + Letters From Readers
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Saturday
National Champion
A very large, old, building was being torn down
in Chapel Hill, N.C. to make room for a new dorm.
While working on the 9th floor, two construction
workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind
the elevator shaft. They decided that they should
call the police. When the police arrived they directed
them to the closet and showed them the skeleton
fully clothed and standing upright. They said, "This
could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important."
Two days went by and the construction workers
couldn't stand it any more, they had to know who
they had found. They called the police and said,
"We are the two guys who found the skeleton in
the closet and we want to know if it was Jimmy
Hoffa or somebody important."
The police said, "It's not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was
somebody kind of important."
"Well, who was it?"
"The 1956 UNC National Hide-and-Seek Champion."
Don't Try This At Home
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture
with a note of caution. "You don't want to
try these techniques at home."
"Why not?" asked somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast
for years," the expert explained. "She made
lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove,
table and cabinets, often carrying a single
item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon,
why don't you try carrying several things
at once?'"
"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.
"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used
to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast.
Now I do it in seven."
Word Color Test
In this test DO NOT READ the words,
say aloud the COLOR of each word.
say aloud the COLOR of each word.
YELLOW BLUE ORANGE
BLACK RED GREEN
PURPLE YELLOW RED
ORANGE GREEN BLACK
BLUE RED PURPLE
GREEN BLUE ORANGE
BLACK RED GREEN
PURPLE YELLOW RED
ORANGE GREEN BLACK
BLUE RED PURPLE
GREEN BLUE ORANGE
This is a type of psycholinguistic test that poses some difficulty
because the portion of the brain that handles language has
the conflicting tasks of verbalizing the color of the written
words while ignoring the meaning of words representing colors.
New Dentist
While waiting for her first appointment
in the reception room of a new (for her)
dentist, a UNC grad noticed the dentist's
certificate on the wall , which bore his
full name.
Suddenly, she remembered that a tall,
handsome boy with the same name had
been in her university class almost 20
years ago.
Upon seeing him, however, she quickly
discarded any such thought. This balding,
gray-haired man with the deeply lined
face was too old to have been her
classmate, she thought.
After he had examined her teeth, she asked
him if he had attended UNC.
"Yes," he replied.
"When did you graduate?" she asked.
He answered, "In 1983."
"Why, you were in my class!" she exclaimed.
He looked at her closely and then asked,
"What did you teach?"
Pizza Delivery
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay,
they'd be bagels.
Weekend Riddles 1.29.5
1) A woman went to visit her bank manager and
she took her young daughter with her. The bank
manager said that the woman's daughter could
stay with his secretary during the meeting. When
the woman and her daughter left, the secretary
turned to the other secretary and said to her,
"That little girl was my daughter." How could
that be?
2) Who worked at 17 Cherry Tree Lane, London?
A) Mary Poppins
B) Queen Elizabeth I
C) Sherlock Holmes
D) Winston Churchill
3) What's the only play of Shakespeare to mention America?
A) Comedy of Errors
B) Hamlet
C) Macbeth
D) Tempest
Answers are below
Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains...
A UNC grad tells his psychiatrist,
"Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains."
The shrink replies, "Come now,
pull yourself together."
Friday
TEST YOUR WORD KNOWLEDGE
Match the words in the left-hand column with the correct
definition in the right-hand column. The answer is
listed at the bottom of this blog.
1. loricate ..........A. Having the power to compel conviction
2. patronym.......B. Knowledge of events before they take place
3. tohubohu.....C. Covered with an armor
4. dryasdust.....D. A giddy, frolicsome girl
5. flout...............E. Chaos; confusion
6. prescience....F. To treat with contempt
7. desideratum.G. Covered with hair
8. giglet............H. A surname or family name
9. cogent..........I. Anything desired
10. pileous......J. A dull, pedantic speaker or writer
Maytag
Maytag is my middle name; I'm an agitator.
The Interview
Larry King was once asked whom he would
interview if he could choose any person
across time. He quickly responded, "Jesus
Christ," noting that he would ask if Jesus
was indeed virgin born. "For me,"
explained King, "that would order all
of history." In a similar vein, Bertrand
Russell, the renowned agnostic philosopher,
was once asked what he would say if he
found himself standing in front of God.
Russell immediately answered that he
would assert, "You did not give us
enough evidence."
MORE: http://xrl.us/ewjs
Where' Grandma
The military has roll call - you know, reading
out the names to see if everybody's there.
When our family has a get-together - like
Mom, Dad, Grandma, Granddad, and
grandchildren - we don't have roll call.
But we do have one three-year-old
grandson who takes roll in his own
little way. While we're all busy in the
usual chatter and bustle of everyone
catching up, our grandson is obviously
evaluating who's there and who isn't.
You can tell. Before very long, he pipes
up, "Where's Grandma?" or "Where's
Daddy?" or whoever happens to be MIA
at the moment. And he wants answers
about where they are and why they aren't
there. He wants every person in the family
to be there!
MORE: http://xrl.us/ewjp
LISTEN: http://xrl.us/ewjo
Weekend Riddle Answers 1.29.5
ANSWERS:
1) The secretary was the girl's father.
2) Mary Poppins
3) Comedy of Errors
Someone took this picture of Howdy on a date...
Letters To Howdy
.
Dearest Howdy,
Dearest Howdy,
Please keep on sending me your letters -
it made my day
sara
it made my day
sara
Howdy,
Like a few others, I have no idea how my address got on this list, but it's
nice to see good ol' Luther College getting some recognition. Usually I
just delete long, unsolicited emails (67 K for jokes?), but I'm glad I
actually read this one! Although I generally dislike HTML mail, most of
your jokes are worth it. Thanks!
Bret (Luther College '87)
nice to see good ol' Luther College getting some recognition. Usually I
just delete long, unsolicited emails (67 K for jokes?), but I'm glad I
actually read this one! Although I generally dislike HTML mail, most of
your jokes are worth it. Thanks!
Bret (Luther College '87)
