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Moved To:
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The E.Newspaper
By Dr. Howdy, Ph.D.
A.P.E., N.U.T.
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Check Out Comments -
Humor + Letters From Readers
Add Something Yourself
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Saturday
If Women Ruled
Yikes!!!
Dinner Anyone???
Please Stare Into Cat's Eye For 30 Seconds
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Your catscan is done.
That's $1,800.00 please.
Web Humor
.
A zookeeper wanted to get some extra animals for his zoo,
so he decided to compose a letter, the only problem, was
that he didn't know the plural of 'Mongoose'.
He started the letter: "To whom it may concern, I need
two Mongeese."
No, that won't work, he tried again: "To whom it may
concern, I need two Mongooses." Is that right?
Finally, he got an idea: "To whom it may concern,
I need a Mongoose, and while you're at it, send me
another one."
A zookeeper wanted to get some extra animals for his zoo,
so he decided to compose a letter, the only problem, was
that he didn't know the plural of 'Mongoose'.
He started the letter: "To whom it may concern, I need
two Mongeese."
No, that won't work, he tried again: "To whom it may
concern, I need two Mongooses." Is that right?
Finally, he got an idea: "To whom it may concern,
I need a Mongoose, and while you're at it, send me
another one."
While You Surf
.
In Malaysia, there are more than 9.4 million netizens.
And with the government's focus on ICT, the boundary
of our wired world is bursting at the seams. Oops, the
word boundary should not even exist in our e-dictionary :-)
Not only are more people getting on the Net each day,
many of them spend more time online than offline.
People you may never meet on the street are available
online for hours at a time, that is if we care to meet
them on the Net.
MORE!!!
If we ignore the impact of the Net
on people's lives, we risk becoming
irrelevant in today's world.
In Malaysia, there are more than 9.4 million netizens.
And with the government's focus on ICT, the boundary
of our wired world is bursting at the seams. Oops, the
word boundary should not even exist in our e-dictionary :-)
Not only are more people getting on the Net each day,
many of them spend more time online than offline.
People you may never meet on the street are available
online for hours at a time, that is if we care to meet
them on the Net.
MORE!!!
If we ignore the impact of the Net
on people's lives, we risk becoming
irrelevant in today's world.
If Women Ruled - II
Helping Folks
.
A little girl came home late for supper. Her mother made
the expected irate parent's demand to know where she had
been. The little girl replied that she had stopped to help Janie,
whose bicycle was broken in a fall.
"But you don't know anything about fixing bicycles,"
her mother responded. "I know that," the girl said.
"I just stopped to help her cry."
Not many of us know anything about fixing bicycles, either.
And when our friends have fallen and broken, not their bicycles
but their lives, NONE of us knows how to fix that. We simply
cannot "fix" someone else's life, even though that's what we
would like most to do. But like the little girl, we can stop to
help them cry. That is the best we can do. And that is a lot!
MORE!!!
A little girl came home late for supper. Her mother made
the expected irate parent's demand to know where she had
been. The little girl replied that she had stopped to help Janie,
whose bicycle was broken in a fall.
"But you don't know anything about fixing bicycles,"
her mother responded. "I know that," the girl said.
"I just stopped to help her cry."
Not many of us know anything about fixing bicycles, either.
And when our friends have fallen and broken, not their bicycles
but their lives, NONE of us knows how to fix that. We simply
cannot "fix" someone else's life, even though that's what we
would like most to do. But like the little girl, we can stop to
help them cry. That is the best we can do. And that is a lot!
MORE!!!
George Herman "Babe" Ruth
.
Hall of Fame Major League Baseball Player, American Legend.
He was a charter member to the Hall of Fame. He hit 60 home
runs, still the record for a 154-game season. Ruth began
his major-league career with the Boston Red Sox in 1915
as a pitcher. In 1919, pitcher-outfielder Ruth hit 29 home
runs. In 1920, he became a full time outfielder with the
New York Yankees. His hitting with a heavy 52-ounce
bat produced home runs at a record pace. In 1946, he was
diagnosed with throat cancer, and he passed away two years
later. For two days his body lay in state at the main
entrance to Yankee Stadium. Hundreds of thousands
of fans stood in line to pay their last respects.
Died: August 16, 1948
Born: February 6, 1895
MORE!!!
Hall of Fame Major League Baseball Player, American Legend.
He was a charter member to the Hall of Fame. He hit 60 home
runs, still the record for a 154-game season. Ruth began
his major-league career with the Boston Red Sox in 1915
as a pitcher. In 1919, pitcher-outfielder Ruth hit 29 home
runs. In 1920, he became a full time outfielder with the
New York Yankees. His hitting with a heavy 52-ounce
bat produced home runs at a record pace. In 1946, he was
diagnosed with throat cancer, and he passed away two years
later. For two days his body lay in state at the main
entrance to Yankee Stadium. Hundreds of thousands
of fans stood in line to pay their last respects.
Died: August 16, 1948
Born: February 6, 1895
MORE!!!
Will Rogers
.
Humorist, Actor, Author. His most famous quote, "I never
met a man I didn't like." As a boy, Will was taught the lariat
by a former slave and became an expert rider and roper. He
went to Hollywood in 1918 and eventually starred in over 70
features and shorts. In 1934 he was voted the most popular
actor in Hollywood. His popularity knew almost no bounds. He
once declined a nomination for the governorship of Oklahoma,
but served as the mayor of Beverly Hills. Wiley Post, one
of the most famous aviators in the world at the time, was a
friend of Roger's who shared a love of flying. The pair set
off in Post's Lockheed Orion Sirius Explorer equipped with
floats in the summer of 1935. Most experts now believe that
a combination of miscalculations in the design and operation
of the heavily customized aircraft resulted in the uncontrol-
lable spin that occurred right after takeoff. They crashed
at Point Barrow, Alaska, on August 15, 1935. Both men were
killed on impact.
Died: August 15, 1935
Born: November 4, 1879
MORE!!!
Humorist, Actor, Author. His most famous quote, "I never
met a man I didn't like." As a boy, Will was taught the lariat
by a former slave and became an expert rider and roper. He
went to Hollywood in 1918 and eventually starred in over 70
features and shorts. In 1934 he was voted the most popular
actor in Hollywood. His popularity knew almost no bounds. He
once declined a nomination for the governorship of Oklahoma,
but served as the mayor of Beverly Hills. Wiley Post, one
of the most famous aviators in the world at the time, was a
friend of Roger's who shared a love of flying. The pair set
off in Post's Lockheed Orion Sirius Explorer equipped with
floats in the summer of 1935. Most experts now believe that
a combination of miscalculations in the design and operation
of the heavily customized aircraft resulted in the uncontrol-
lable spin that occurred right after takeoff. They crashed
at Point Barrow, Alaska, on August 15, 1935. Both men were
killed on impact.
Died: August 15, 1935
Born: November 4, 1879
MORE!!!
Friday
Blog Cartoon
Why Am I Still Being Punished?
OBSCURE AND UNUSUAL WORDS
.
1) oneiromancy oneiromancy (noun)
: the practice of predicting the future by interpreting
dreams.
From Greek oneiros (dream) + -mancy (divination).
2) muliebrity myoo-lee-EB-ri-tee (noun)
: womanly qualities; womanhood; femininity.
From Latin muliebritas (womanhood), from muliebris (womanly),
from mulier (woman).
1) oneiromancy oneiromancy (noun)
: the practice of predicting the future by interpreting
dreams.
From Greek oneiros (dream) + -mancy (divination).
2) muliebrity myoo-lee-EB-ri-tee (noun)
: womanly qualities; womanhood; femininity.
From Latin muliebritas (womanhood), from muliebris (womanly),
from mulier (woman).
CyberHumor
.
The game warden stopped a UNC grad and asked to see
his hunting license.
"This is last year's license," the warden informed the UNC grad.
HIS ANSWER!!!
The game warden stopped a UNC grad and asked to see
his hunting license.
"This is last year's license," the warden informed the UNC grad.
HIS ANSWER!!!
Big Ugly Fat Fellow
The longest-serving combat aircraft is the B-52 Stratofortress.
Introduced in 1955 and projected for active duty through 2045,
it is also able to carry the most diverse range of weapons of any
combat aircraft.
Also known as the BUFF (Big Ugly Fat Fellow), the Stratofortress
can fly long distances at up to 50,000 feet (15,250 meters). It is a
very large plane with a wingspread of 185 feet (56.4 meters) and
eight turbofan engines.
Only the crew cabin is pressurized. When the plane is on the ground,
the crew cabin's outer skin takes on a wrinkled appearance, but when
it is at altitude the interior pressure smoothes the aircraft's skin.
During the Gulf War, several B-52s conducted the longest aerial
strike mission in history, making the 35-hour round trip from
Barksdale Airforce Base to Iraq and back.
More about the B-52H Stratofortress!!!
Do You Think You Can Read?
Try This Tongue-Twister!
.
Mr. See and Mr. Soar were old friends.
See owned a saw and Soar owned a seesaw.
Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw before
Soar saw See, which made Soar sore. Had
Soar seen See's saw before See saw Soar's
seesaw, then See's saw would not have
sawed Soar's seesaw. But See saw Soar
and Soar's seesaw before Soar saw See's
saw, so See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.
It was a shame to let See see Soar so
sore just because See's saw sawed
Soar's seesaw.
Mr. See and Mr. Soar were old friends.
See owned a saw and Soar owned a seesaw.
Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw before
Soar saw See, which made Soar sore. Had
Soar seen See's saw before See saw Soar's
seesaw, then See's saw would not have
sawed Soar's seesaw. But See saw Soar
and Soar's seesaw before Soar saw See's
saw, so See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.
It was a shame to let See see Soar so
sore just because See's saw sawed
Soar's seesaw.
Web-Humor
.
Did you hear about the UNC student who wanted
to take his girlfriend to a concert but arrived back
at his dorm room before the start of the big event.
When quized by his roommate about this unusual
occurrence, the UNC student stated:
"We musta had the wrong ticket. The man at the
door got mad and tore it in half."
Did you hear about the UNC student who wanted
to take his girlfriend to a concert but arrived back
at his dorm room before the start of the big event.
When quized by his roommate about this unusual
occurrence, the UNC student stated:
"We musta had the wrong ticket. The man at the
door got mad and tore it in half."
Cyber-Humor
.
A man was sitting at home one evening, when the doorbell rang.
When he answered the door, a 6 foot tall cockroach was standing
there. The cockroach immediately punched him between the eyes
and scampered off.
The next evening, the man was sitting at home when the doorbell
rang again. When he answered the door, the cockroach was there
again. This time, it punched him, kicked him and karate chopped
him before running away.
The third evening, the man was sitting at home when the doorbell
rang. When he answered the door, the cockroach was there yet
again. It leapt at him and stabbed him several times before running
off. The gravely injured man managed to crawl to the telephone and
summoned an ambulance.
He was rushed to intensive care, where they saved his life.
The next morning, the doctor was doing his rounds. He asked the man
what happened, so the man explained about the 6 foot cockroach's
attacks, culminating in the near fatal stabbing.
The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Yes, there's a nasty bug
going around."
A man was sitting at home one evening, when the doorbell rang.
When he answered the door, a 6 foot tall cockroach was standing
there. The cockroach immediately punched him between the eyes
and scampered off.
The next evening, the man was sitting at home when the doorbell
rang again. When he answered the door, the cockroach was there
again. This time, it punched him, kicked him and karate chopped
him before running away.
The third evening, the man was sitting at home when the doorbell
rang. When he answered the door, the cockroach was there yet
again. It leapt at him and stabbed him several times before running
off. The gravely injured man managed to crawl to the telephone and
summoned an ambulance.
He was rushed to intensive care, where they saved his life.
The next morning, the doctor was doing his rounds. He asked the man
what happened, so the man explained about the 6 foot cockroach's
attacks, culminating in the near fatal stabbing.
The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Yes, there's a nasty bug
going around."
Until Death -- or Whatever -- Do Us Part
What we've seen recently in New Orleans -- the widespread looting,
vandalism, and violence -- is a grim reminder of what happens when
too many people have too little conscience. These lawbreakers,
willing to terrorize their own neighbors, will be brought under control
only at the point of a gun.
Is this the future of America? Gun-toting National Guardsmen on every
corner, trying to keep order? Or will we do what is necessary to develop
conscience in our children -- in part, by committing ourselves to life-long
marriage? If we are not, we will reap the sobering consequences because
as William Penn put it some three centuries ago, if men are not governed
by God, they will be ruled by tyrants.
MORE!!!
Female Porn
Thursday
Blog Trivia
.
Born Judith Mae Hess, she came from a show business family and
was encouraged to study dance and acting. Her acting career began
as a teenager with appearances on the "Howdy Doody" television
show, as Princess Summer Fall Winter Spring. Like her mother,
she became a chorus line dancer but then went on to a major role
in the 1955 Rodgers and Hammerstein musical, "Pipe Dream."
Life magazine did a story on rising Broadway talent with Tyler
on the magazine's cover as one of the up-and-coming stars.
Offered an opportunity in Hollywood, Judy Tyler appeared in
the film Bop Girl Goes Calypso then starred opposite Elvis
Presley in Jailhouse Rock. After filming of the Presley movie
finished, she and her husband, Greg Lafayette, took a vacation.
While driving through Wyoming, they were involved in an
automobile accident that claimed both their lives.
Born Judith Mae Hess, she came from a show business family and
was encouraged to study dance and acting. Her acting career began
as a teenager with appearances on the "Howdy Doody" television
show, as Princess Summer Fall Winter Spring. Like her mother,
she became a chorus line dancer but then went on to a major role
in the 1955 Rodgers and Hammerstein musical, "Pipe Dream."
Life magazine did a story on rising Broadway talent with Tyler
on the magazine's cover as one of the up-and-coming stars.
Offered an opportunity in Hollywood, Judy Tyler appeared in
the film Bop Girl Goes Calypso then starred opposite Elvis
Presley in Jailhouse Rock. After filming of the Presley movie
finished, she and her husband, Greg Lafayette, took a vacation.
While driving through Wyoming, they were involved in an
automobile accident that claimed both their lives.
Howdy Y'all
Cyber-Thought
The U.N. is a place where governments opposed
to free speech demand to be heard!
Blog Thought
.
March 7, 1933
The board game "Monopoly" was invented by Charles B. Darrow of
Germantown, Pennsylvania. Darrow offered the rights to his game to
the company Parker Brothers but he was rejected. Undaunted, Darrow
made his own copies and sold them with great success. Parker
Brothers then reconsidered its original decision and bought the
rights to the game.
Monopoly is one of the most popular board games worldwide!!!
MORE!!!
March 7, 1933
The board game "Monopoly" was invented by Charles B. Darrow of
Germantown, Pennsylvania. Darrow offered the rights to his game to
the company Parker Brothers but he was rejected. Undaunted, Darrow
made his own copies and sold them with great success. Parker
Brothers then reconsidered its original decision and bought the
rights to the game.
Monopoly is one of the most popular board games worldwide!!!
MORE!!!
Trip To Canada
.
An American and his wife were driving in Canada and got lost.
Finally they came into some city. They saw a gentleman on
the sidewalk, so the gentleman pulled up to the curb, and the
lady let down her window and asked: "Excuse me, sir. Where
are we?"
The gentleman on the street replied, "Saskatoon,
Saskatchewan."
The lady rolled up the window, turned to her husband and said,
"We really are lost. They don't even speak English here!"
An American and his wife were driving in Canada and got lost.
Finally they came into some city. They saw a gentleman on
the sidewalk, so the gentleman pulled up to the curb, and the
lady let down her window and asked: "Excuse me, sir. Where
are we?"
The gentleman on the street replied, "Saskatoon,
Saskatchewan."
The lady rolled up the window, turned to her husband and said,
"We really are lost. They don't even speak English here!"
Is The Pledge Of Allegiance Unconstitutional?
A federal judge in Sacramento ruled Wednesday that it is
unconstitutional to recite the Pledge of Allegiance in public
schools. U.S. District Judge Lawrence Karlton ruled that
the pledge's reference to one nation "under God" violates
the right of children in the public schools to be "free from
a coercive requirement to affirm God."
MORE!!!
Listen to Red Skelton on The Pledge!!!
.
A UNC grad was walking down Main street when he saw
a sign reading "Free cruises, inquire inside." So he stopped
and went in. When he got inside two men came from behind
and beat him up and then tied him to a log and sent him
a float down the local river. As he was floating along he
came across a "fellow traveler" also tied to a log. As he
floated up beside him he remarked "I guess they don't
serve food on this cruise" The UNC grad replied "well,
they didn't last week."
A UNC grad was walking down Main street when he saw
a sign reading "Free cruises, inquire inside." So he stopped
and went in. When he got inside two men came from behind
and beat him up and then tied him to a log and sent him
a float down the local river. As he was floating along he
came across a "fellow traveler" also tied to a log. As he
floated up beside him he remarked "I guess they don't
serve food on this cruise" The UNC grad replied "well,
they didn't last week."
Look!!!
.
Two UNC students were walking down the road and the first
says, "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other student covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"
Two UNC students were walking down the road and the first
says, "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other student covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"
Turn Up The Volume
| Swimmer Questions Roberts |
 A question all the cable channels missed...  |
Where Was George W. Bush???
.
Prior to Hurricane Katrina,
the U.S.A.'s 10 deadliest natural disasters.
1. Galveston (Texas) Hurricane, 1900, estimated 8,000 deaths
2. Great Okeechobee Hurricane in Florida, 1928, estimated 2,500-plus
3. Johnstown, Pa., Flood, 1889, estimated 2,200-plus
4. Louisiana Hurricane, 1893, 2,000-plus
5. South Carolina-Georgia Hurricane, 1893, 1,000-2,000
6. Great New England Hurricane, 1938, 720
7. San Francisco Earthquake, 1906, 700
8. Georgia-South Carolina Hurricane, 1881, 700
9. Tri-State Tornado in Missouri, Illinois and Indiana, 1925, 695
10. Labor Day Hurricane that hit the Florida Keys, 1935, 405
According to the liberal press & Senate Democrats,
George W. Bush was directly responsible for ALL of
the above!!!
Prior to Hurricane Katrina,
the U.S.A.'s 10 deadliest natural disasters.
1. Galveston (Texas) Hurricane, 1900, estimated 8,000 deaths
2. Great Okeechobee Hurricane in Florida, 1928, estimated 2,500-plus
3. Johnstown, Pa., Flood, 1889, estimated 2,200-plus
4. Louisiana Hurricane, 1893, 2,000-plus
5. South Carolina-Georgia Hurricane, 1893, 1,000-2,000
6. Great New England Hurricane, 1938, 720
7. San Francisco Earthquake, 1906, 700
8. Georgia-South Carolina Hurricane, 1881, 700
9. Tri-State Tornado in Missouri, Illinois and Indiana, 1925, 695
10. Labor Day Hurricane that hit the Florida Keys, 1935, 405
According to the liberal press & Senate Democrats,
George W. Bush was directly responsible for ALL of
the above!!!
Lost Diamond Ring
.
.
A cop saw a UNC grad down on her knees under a streetlight.
"Can I help you?" he asked.
Replied the UNC grad, "I dropped my diamond ring and I'm
looking for it."
Asked the cop "did you drop it right here?"
HER ANSWER!!!
.
A cop saw a UNC grad down on her knees under a streetlight.
"Can I help you?" he asked.
Replied the UNC grad, "I dropped my diamond ring and I'm
looking for it."
Asked the cop "did you drop it right here?"
HER ANSWER!!!
Jailed For Contempt!
.
A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the
stand in a trial -- a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached
her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known
you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you
manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You
think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to
realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed
across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the
defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since
he was a youngster, too. I used to baby sit him for his parents.
And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy,
bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a
normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of
the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and
called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he
said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me,
you'll be jailed for contempt!"
A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the
stand in a trial -- a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached
her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known
you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you
manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You
think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to
realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed
across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the
defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since
he was a youngster, too. I used to baby sit him for his parents.
And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy,
bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a
normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of
the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and
called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he
said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me,
you'll be jailed for contempt!"
Ever Wonder What Would Happen
If Jesus Came The First Time In 2005?
.
If Jesus were to do His same ministry on earth over again in 2005 -
He would be wanted by...
...the FDA for turning water into wine without a license,
...the EPA for killing fig trees,
...the AMA for practicing medicine without a license,
...the Dept. of Health for asking people to open graves, for raising
the dead and for feeding 5,000 people in the wilderness,
...the NEA for teaching without a certificate,
...OSHA for walking on water without a life-jacket and for flying
without an airplane,
...the SPCA and PITA for driving a herd of swine into the sea,
...the NATIONAL BOARD of PSYCHIATRISTS for giving advice on
how to live a guilt-free life,
...the NOW Group for not choosing a woman apostle,
...the INTER-FAITH MOVEMENT for condemning all other religions,
...and by the ZONING DEPT for building mansions without a permit.
...talk about politically incorrect!!!
If Jesus were to do His same ministry on earth over again in 2005 -
He would be wanted by...
...the FDA for turning water into wine without a license,
...the EPA for killing fig trees,
...the AMA for practicing medicine without a license,
...the Dept. of Health for asking people to open graves, for raising
the dead and for feeding 5,000 people in the wilderness,
...the NEA for teaching without a certificate,
...OSHA for walking on water without a life-jacket and for flying
without an airplane,
...the SPCA and PITA for driving a herd of swine into the sea,
...the NATIONAL BOARD of PSYCHIATRISTS for giving advice on
how to live a guilt-free life,
...the NOW Group for not choosing a woman apostle,
...the INTER-FAITH MOVEMENT for condemning all other religions,
...and by the ZONING DEPT for building mansions without a permit.
...talk about politically incorrect!!!
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