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The E.Newspaper
By Dr. Howdy, Ph.D.
A.P.E., N.U.T.
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Humor + Letters From Readers
Add Something Yourself
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Saturday
UNC Humor
.
Did you happen to hear about the UNC*
grad who invented a metric cookie???
He named it a "gram cracker."
*UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill.
Specializing in a wide range of degree programs including:
B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), A.P.E., N.U.T., B.R.C.,
(Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898
for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were
unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher
learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State U.
Did you happen to hear about the UNC*
grad who invented a metric cookie???
He named it a "gram cracker."
*UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill.
Specializing in a wide range of degree programs including:
B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), A.P.E., N.U.T., B.R.C.,
(Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898
for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were
unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher
learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State U.
Thursday
Wise Words From A Former President
.
Our faith teaches that there is no safer reliance than upon the God
of our fathers, who has so singularly favored the American people
in every national trial, and who will not forsake us so long as we
obey His commandments and walk humbly in His footsteps.
--President William McKinley
Our faith teaches that there is no safer reliance than upon the God
of our fathers, who has so singularly favored the American people
in every national trial, and who will not forsake us so long as we
obey His commandments and walk humbly in His footsteps.
--President William McKinley
Bing Crosby
.
Born May 2, 1903
Died: October 14, 1977
Actor, Singer. He is best remembered for his many "Road"
movies with costar Bob Hope, for such classic movies as
"Going My Way," "White Christmas," and for such songs as
"White Christmas." When one of his songs became successful
on the radio in 1931, it brought him to the attention of
Hollywood. Paramount Pictures included him in the movie,
"The Big Broadcast of 1932," and his relaxed, low key style
hit just the right note with the audience, making him a star.
In 1940, Crosby was teamed with his friend, Bob Hope, in
"The Road to Singapore" and the combination of jokes, songs,
romance, burlesque and exotic locations (it was actually
filmed in Hollywood, not in Singapore), made the pair a hit.
In the film "Holiday Inn," he sang Irving Berlin's "White
Christmas" and it went on to become one of the biggest
selling records for the next 50 years. Crosby died of a
heart attack on a golf course in Madrid, Spain, in 1977.
Born May 2, 1903
Died: October 14, 1977
Actor, Singer. He is best remembered for his many "Road"
movies with costar Bob Hope, for such classic movies as
"Going My Way," "White Christmas," and for such songs as
"White Christmas." When one of his songs became successful
on the radio in 1931, it brought him to the attention of
Hollywood. Paramount Pictures included him in the movie,
"The Big Broadcast of 1932," and his relaxed, low key style
hit just the right note with the audience, making him a star.
In 1940, Crosby was teamed with his friend, Bob Hope, in
"The Road to Singapore" and the combination of jokes, songs,
romance, burlesque and exotic locations (it was actually
filmed in Hollywood, not in Singapore), made the pair a hit.
In the film "Holiday Inn," he sang Irving Berlin's "White
Christmas" and it went on to become one of the biggest
selling records for the next 50 years. Crosby died of a
heart attack on a golf course in Madrid, Spain, in 1977.
Wednesday
From Howdy
Calling PETA
Stranded For Months
.
A ragged individual stranded for months on a small desert
island in the middle of the Pacific one day noticed a bottle
lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to
the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands
withdrew the message. "Due to lack of activity," he read,
"we have regretfully found it necessary to cancel your e-mail
account."
A ragged individual stranded for months on a small desert
island in the middle of the Pacific one day noticed a bottle
lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to
the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands
withdrew the message. "Due to lack of activity," he read,
"we have regretfully found it necessary to cancel your e-mail
account."
Steps To Personal Peace
Tuesday
Adopting A New Baby
.
Two recently married UNC grads were delighted when their
long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center
called and told them that there was a wonderful Russian baby
boy available. The couple accepted him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by
the UNC campus so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired,
"What ever possessed you to study Russian?"
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby.
In a year or so, when he begins to talk, we want to be able
to understand him."
Two recently married UNC grads were delighted when their
long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center
called and told them that there was a wonderful Russian baby
boy available. The couple accepted him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by
the UNC campus so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired,
"What ever possessed you to study Russian?"
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby.
In a year or so, when he begins to talk, we want to be able
to understand him."
The Verdict
.
After a trial had been going on for three days, Finley, the
man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached
the judge's bench. "Your Honor, I would like to change my
plea from 'innocent' to 'guilty' of the charges."
The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you're
guilty, why didn't you say so in the first place and save
this court a lot of time and inconvenience?" he demanded.
Finley looked up wide-eyed and stated, "Well, when the
trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before
I heard all the evidence against me."
After a trial had been going on for three days, Finley, the
man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached
the judge's bench. "Your Honor, I would like to change my
plea from 'innocent' to 'guilty' of the charges."
The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you're
guilty, why didn't you say so in the first place and save
this court a lot of time and inconvenience?" he demanded.
Finley looked up wide-eyed and stated, "Well, when the
trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before
I heard all the evidence against me."
Music of Poetry Word Quiz
.
There's music in words, especially in the cadences of poetry,
from which the verbs in this quiz come. How many do you know?
1. vegetate - A: to be passive. B: be health conscious.
C: eat no meat. D: rest.
2. sedate - A: to calm. B: give up. C: sit. D: keep under
control.
3. stipulate - A: to undertake. B: be firm. C: specify.
D: fasten tightly.
4. acclimate - A: to moderate. B: acquire. C: reach a climax.
D: adapt to.
5. berate - A: to underestimate. B: scold. C: make the cry
of a donkey. D: classify.
6. relegate - A: to control by rules. B: act as a spokesman.
C: put off or delay. D: send away.
7. equivocate - A: to stir up. B: be evasive. C: balance out.
D: see all sides of a question.
8. renovate - A: to change. B: restore. C: replace.
D: examine.
9. precipitate - A: to cause to happen. B: leap. C: clarify.
D: make public.
10. exonerate - A: to become larger. B: free from blame.
C: compliment excessively. D: destroy utterly.
11. innovate - A: to give courage to. B: study the cosmos.
C: re-establish. D: introduce something new.
12. extrapolate - A: to firm up. B: estimate. C: remove from.
D: add to.
13. satiate - A: to desire. B: be cruel. C: use ridicule.
D: glut.
14. recapitulate - A: to surrender. B: be indecisive.
C: summarize. D: retract.
15. undulate - A: to quiver and quake. B: move in waves.
C: revolve around. D: become seasick.
16. gesticulate - A: to frown. B: develop slowly. C: make
expressive gestures. D: pronounce distinctly.
17. immolate - A: to offer in sacrifice. B: keep from moving.
C: immerse completely. D: shield from.
18. militate - A: to challenge. B: lay down the law.
C: arbitrate. D: influence against.
19. crenelate - A: to wrinkle. B: notch. C: decorate with
ribbons. D: do brain studies.
20. perpetuate - A: to cause to continue. B: sulk.
C: impose. D: bring about.
(Answers are located below)
There's music in words, especially in the cadences of poetry,
from which the verbs in this quiz come. How many do you know?
1. vegetate - A: to be passive. B: be health conscious.
C: eat no meat. D: rest.
2. sedate - A: to calm. B: give up. C: sit. D: keep under
control.
3. stipulate - A: to undertake. B: be firm. C: specify.
D: fasten tightly.
4. acclimate - A: to moderate. B: acquire. C: reach a climax.
D: adapt to.
5. berate - A: to underestimate. B: scold. C: make the cry
of a donkey. D: classify.
6. relegate - A: to control by rules. B: act as a spokesman.
C: put off or delay. D: send away.
7. equivocate - A: to stir up. B: be evasive. C: balance out.
D: see all sides of a question.
8. renovate - A: to change. B: restore. C: replace.
D: examine.
9. precipitate - A: to cause to happen. B: leap. C: clarify.
D: make public.
10. exonerate - A: to become larger. B: free from blame.
C: compliment excessively. D: destroy utterly.
11. innovate - A: to give courage to. B: study the cosmos.
C: re-establish. D: introduce something new.
12. extrapolate - A: to firm up. B: estimate. C: remove from.
D: add to.
13. satiate - A: to desire. B: be cruel. C: use ridicule.
D: glut.
14. recapitulate - A: to surrender. B: be indecisive.
C: summarize. D: retract.
15. undulate - A: to quiver and quake. B: move in waves.
C: revolve around. D: become seasick.
16. gesticulate - A: to frown. B: develop slowly. C: make
expressive gestures. D: pronounce distinctly.
17. immolate - A: to offer in sacrifice. B: keep from moving.
C: immerse completely. D: shield from.
18. militate - A: to challenge. B: lay down the law.
C: arbitrate. D: influence against.
19. crenelate - A: to wrinkle. B: notch. C: decorate with
ribbons. D: do brain studies.
20. perpetuate - A: to cause to continue. B: sulk.
C: impose. D: bring about.
(Answers are located below)
OBSCURE AND UNUSUAL WORDS
.
1) whinge winj (intransitive verb)
: to complain annoyingly or continuously about something
perceived as relatively unimportant
From Old English hwinsian "to whine." Ultimately an
imitation of the sound of a whining dog.
2) trouvaille troo vii (noun)
: something interesting, amusing, or beneficial discov-
ered
From French, "a find."
http://rd.gophercentral.com
1) whinge winj (intransitive verb)
: to complain annoyingly or continuously about something
perceived as relatively unimportant
From Old English hwinsian "to whine." Ultimately an
imitation of the sound of a whining dog.
2) trouvaille troo vii (noun)
: something interesting, amusing, or beneficial discov-
ered
From French, "a find."
http://rd.gophercentral.com
New Book Titles
.
- The French Chef - by Sue Flay
- Unemployed - by Anita Job
- Off to Market - by Tobias A. Pigg
- I Lived in Detroit - by Helen Earth
- Inflammation, Please - by Arthur Itis
- Downpour! - by Wayne Dwops
- Cloning - by Ima Dubble
- Irish Flooring - by Lynn O'Leum
- Holmes Does it Again - by Scott Linyard
- Home Alone IV - by Eddie Buddyhome
- Neither a Borrower - by Nora Lender Bee
- The Scent of a Man - by Jim Nasium
- Is O. J. Guilty? - by Howard I. Know
- Animal Illnesses - by Ann Thrax
- French Overpopulation - by Francis Crowded
- House Construction - by Bill Jerome Home
- Lewis Carroll - by Alison Wonderland
- Leo Tolstoy - by Warren Peace
- The L. A. Lakers Breakfast - by Kareem O' Wheat
- Why Cars Stop - by M. T. Tank
- Wind in the Willows - by Russell Ingleaves
- Look Younger - by Fay Slift
- Mountain Climbing - by Andover Hand
- It's Springtime! - by Theresa Green
- No! - by Kurt Reply
- The French Chef - by Sue Flay
- Unemployed - by Anita Job
- Off to Market - by Tobias A. Pigg
- I Lived in Detroit - by Helen Earth
- Inflammation, Please - by Arthur Itis
- Downpour! - by Wayne Dwops
- Cloning - by Ima Dubble
- Irish Flooring - by Lynn O'Leum
- Holmes Does it Again - by Scott Linyard
- Home Alone IV - by Eddie Buddyhome
- Neither a Borrower - by Nora Lender Bee
- The Scent of a Man - by Jim Nasium
- Is O. J. Guilty? - by Howard I. Know
- Animal Illnesses - by Ann Thrax
- French Overpopulation - by Francis Crowded
- House Construction - by Bill Jerome Home
- Lewis Carroll - by Alison Wonderland
- Leo Tolstoy - by Warren Peace
- The L. A. Lakers Breakfast - by Kareem O' Wheat
- Why Cars Stop - by M. T. Tank
- Wind in the Willows - by Russell Ingleaves
- Look Younger - by Fay Slift
- Mountain Climbing - by Andover Hand
- It's Springtime! - by Theresa Green
- No! - by Kurt Reply
The Real Star
.
How can a man or woman who makes an eight-figure wage
and lives in insane luxury really be a star in today's world,
if by a "star" we mean someone bright and powerful and
attractive as a role model?
Real stars are not riding around in the backs of limousines
or in Porsches or getting trained in yoga or Pilates and eating
only raw fruit while they have Vietnamese girls do their nails.
They can be interesting, nice people, but they are not heroes
to me any longer.
A real star is the soldier of the 4th Infantry Division who poked
his head into a hole on a farm near Tikrit, Iraq. He could have
been met by a bomb or a hail of AK-47 bullets. Instead, he faced
an abject Saddam Hussein and the gratitude of all of the decent
people of the world.
MORE!!!
(Tks: Shirl)
How can a man or woman who makes an eight-figure wage
and lives in insane luxury really be a star in today's world,
if by a "star" we mean someone bright and powerful and
attractive as a role model?
Real stars are not riding around in the backs of limousines
or in Porsches or getting trained in yoga or Pilates and eating
only raw fruit while they have Vietnamese girls do their nails.
They can be interesting, nice people, but they are not heroes
to me any longer.
A real star is the soldier of the 4th Infantry Division who poked
his head into a hole on a farm near Tikrit, Iraq. He could have
been met by a bomb or a hail of AK-47 bullets. Instead, he faced
an abject Saddam Hussein and the gratitude of all of the decent
people of the world.
MORE!!!
(Tks: Shirl)
"We're trapped on
the 106th floor"
Howdy Skiing
.
While attending a marriage seminar on communication,
Morris and his wife listened to the instructor declare,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know the things
that are important to each other."
He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's
favorite flower?" Morris leaned over, touched his wife's arm
gently and whispered, "Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it?"
While attending a marriage seminar on communication,
Morris and his wife listened to the instructor declare,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know the things
that are important to each other."
He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's
favorite flower?" Morris leaned over, touched his wife's arm
gently and whispered, "Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it?"
Lincoln Quote
"I believe the Bible is the best gift God has
ever given to man. All the good from the
Savior of the world is communicated to
us through this book."
-- President Abraham Lincoln
Downloading
The Culture of Death
Looking Back at Terri Schiavo
.
Modern bioethics "has become a natural ally of the culture of death,"
rationalizing excruciating medical dilemmas and negotiating the value
of human life in an inevitably downward spiral.
Dr. McHugh argues that in Terri Schiavo's case, the culture of death
"won out over the hospice's culture of life, overwhelming by legal
means, and by the force of advanced social opinion, the moral and
medical command to choose life, to comfort the afflicted, and to
teach others how to do the same."
Dr. McHugh's conclusion is truly ominous. "The more this culture
continues to influence our thinking, the deeper are likely to become
the divisions within our society and within our families, the more
hardened our hatreds, and the more manifold our fears. More of
us will die prematurely; some of us will be persuaded that we want
to."
Premature death, and the desire for the rationalization of death,
are hallmarks of a culture flirting with moral disaster. We are
indebted to Dr. Paul McHugh for his medical analysis and moral
courage. The real question is what we are now prepared to do
in confronting the culture of death. Now that Terri Schiavo is
dead, most Americans have moved on to other concerns.
Who will be next?
MORE!!!
Modern bioethics "has become a natural ally of the culture of death,"
rationalizing excruciating medical dilemmas and negotiating the value
of human life in an inevitably downward spiral.
Dr. McHugh argues that in Terri Schiavo's case, the culture of death
"won out over the hospice's culture of life, overwhelming by legal
means, and by the force of advanced social opinion, the moral and
medical command to choose life, to comfort the afflicted, and to
teach others how to do the same."
Dr. McHugh's conclusion is truly ominous. "The more this culture
continues to influence our thinking, the deeper are likely to become
the divisions within our society and within our families, the more
hardened our hatreds, and the more manifold our fears. More of
us will die prematurely; some of us will be persuaded that we want
to."
Premature death, and the desire for the rationalization of death,
are hallmarks of a culture flirting with moral disaster. We are
indebted to Dr. Paul McHugh for his medical analysis and moral
courage. The real question is what we are now prepared to do
in confronting the culture of death. Now that Terri Schiavo is
dead, most Americans have moved on to other concerns.
Who will be next?
MORE!!!
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