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The E.Newspaper By Dr. Howdy, Ph.D. A.P.E., N.U.T.
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Congratulating a friend after her son and daughter got married within a month of each other, a woman asked, "What kind of boy did your daughter marry?" "Oh, he's wonderful," gushed the mother. "He lets her sleep late, wants her to go to the beauty parlor regularly, and insists on taking her out to dinner every night." "That's nice," said the woman. "What about your son?" "I'm not so happy about that," the mother sighed. "His wife sleeps late, spends all her time in the beauty parlor, and makes them eat take-out meals!"
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Dear Howdy, One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of North Carolina." And they say blondes are dumb...
Scientists have discovered cracks in the ocean floor off the East Coast that they say could trigger a tsunami, sending 18-foot waves toward the mid-Atlantic states. Democrats would not take an official position on the possibility until their staff polled 500 likely voters on the question, "Do you generally favor or oppose an 18-foot wave obliterating property and ending lives on the East Coast?"
Two psychiatrists were at a convention. As they conversed over a drink, one asked, "What was your most difficult case?" The other replied, "I had a patient who lived in a pure fantasy world. He believed that an uncle in South America was going to die and leave him a fortune. All day long he waited for a letter to arrive from an attorney. He never went out, he never did anything, he merely sat around and waited for this fantasy letter from this fantasy uncle. I worked with this man eight years." "What was the result?" "It was an eight-year struggle. Every day for eight years, but I finally cured him.....and then that stupid letter arrived!"
A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children." The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children." The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"
Democrat1: "Now my grandfather, he knew the exact day of the year that he was going to die. It was the right year too. Not only that, but he knew what time he would die that day, and he was right about that too."
Democrat 2: "Wow, that's incredible. How did he know all of that?"
A motorcycle cop was on patrol one bright sunny May afternoon when he came upon a line of cars stopped at a light with horns blasting. He stopped behind the last car in line. Then he noticed the reason for the noise. The light directing that lane of traffic was green. He pulled out of line and stopped alongside of the first car in line to see what the problem was. The car was a big brown Cadillac with a UNC decal. He motioned to the driver to roll down her window, which she promptly did. He then asked her why she was stopped when the light was green. She said, "Oh, because I'm on my way to my sister's house which is that way." and she pointed to the right. The motorcycle cop said, "Well, go ahead! The light is green." The driver responded with, "Yes, I know, but the sign under the light says: 'RIGHT TURN ON RED.'
December 28, 1942 US Congress officially recognized the "Pledge of Allegiance." Pledge originally read: "I pledge allegiance to my Flag and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all." The words "the flag of the United States of America" were added, along with "under God."
More on the history of the Pledge: http://www.vineyard.net/vineyard/history/pdgech0.htm
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of North Carolina." And they say blondes are dumb...