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The E.Newspaper
By Dr. Howdy, Ph.D.
A.P.E., N.U.T.

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Check Out Comments -
Humor + Letters From Readers
Add Something Yourself
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Saturday

 


It seems there was a UNC grad that had an automobile that had
250,000 on it and she wanted to sell the car but was having trouble
with all of the places because of the milage. She had a friend that
she went to for advise whereupon she was told to go the the friend's
boyfriend and he would run the mileage back to a respectable number.
She did this and was not seen for about 3 or four weeks by her friend.
Her friend was astonished to see her still driving the old car so she
asked if her boyfriend had helped her and why was she still driving the
old car. The friend was informed that she was not as big of a fool as
others might be. She would be a fool to get rid of such a swell car with
so few miles on it.







Comments:
I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring
levels of suspicion and paranoia.

I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones
that are someone else's fault.

I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself,
unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those
censorious, self-righteous people around me.

Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing
myself with imaginary fears.

Does my quiet self-pity get to you or should I move up to
incessant nagging?
 
A baker's assistant at UNC -called Richard the Pourer-
job was to pour the dough mixture in the making of
sausage rolls, noted that he was running low on one of the
necessary spices, He sent a UNC student to the store to buy more.

Unfortunately, upon arriving at the shop, the young student realized
that she had forgotten the name of the ingredient. All she could do
was to tell the shopkeeper that . . . it was for Richard the Pourer,
for batter for wurst.
 
The country with the most tornadoes is the United States, where about
800 twisters touch down every year. Most of them happen in the
central plains states ("Tornado Alley"), where gigantic "supercell"
thunderstorms sweep across the landscape, fed by moisture from the
Gulf Of Mexico colliding with cooler, dryer air from the Rocky Mountains.

The second place winner for most tornadoes is Australia, where a few
hundred form every year. They also happen sometimes in the plains of Asia.

Tornadoes can happen in any country that gets thunderstorms, but they
require very special conditions. A heavy layer of cool, dry air must
flow above a layer of warm, moist air, and there must be a certain
twist to the air currents to start the vortex spinning.

The National Weather Service's page on tornadoes:
http://www.nssl.noaa.gov/NWSTornado/
 
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot
instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers
take their seats and prepare for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later the pilot asked the flight attendants
if everyone was buckled in and ready. "All set back here,"
came the reply, "except for one lawyer who's still
passing out business cards."
 
OBSCURE AND UNUSUAL WORDS
*************************

1) pyrrhonist pir o nist (noun)
: a skeptic

From Pyrrho, a 365 B.C. Greek skeptic.

2) montgolfier mon golf yaa (noun)
: a hot-air balloon

From Joseph Montgolfier, who made the first one.
 
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing
several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning
the crime, getting in and out past security, he was
captured only 2 blocks away when his Ford Econoline ran out
of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a daring and
otherwise brilliant crime and then make such an obvious error...

... He replied: "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."...
 
Things I have learned in 50 years (by Dave Barry)

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number
of helicopters in it.

2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.

3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an
excellent sense of humour are telling you that they have no sense of humour.

4. The most valuable function performed by the federal
government is entertainment.

5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an
actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

6. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

7. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is
that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.

8. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people
to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

9. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

10. There apparently exists, somewhere in Los Angeles, a computer
that generates concepts for television sitcoms. When TV
executives need a new concept, they turn on this computer;
after sorting through millions of possible plot premises, it
spits out, "THREE QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN
AN APARTMENT," and the executives turn this concept into a
show. The next time they need an idea, the computer spits out,
"SIX QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN
APARTMENT." Then the next time, it spits out, "FOUR QUIRKY BUT
ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT." And so on. We
need to locate this computer and destroy it with hammers.

11. Nobody is normal.

12. At least once per year, some group of scientists will become
very excited and announce that :
* The universe is even bigger than they thought!
* There are even more subatomic particles than they thought!
* Whatever they announced last year about global warming is wrong.

13. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human
race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential,
that word would be "meetings."

14. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to
annoy people who are not in them.

15. The value of advertising is that it tells you the exact opposite
of what the advertiser actually thinks. For example:
* If the advertisement says "This is not your father's
Oldsmobile," the advertiser is desperately concerned that this
Oldsmobile, like all other Oldsmobiles, appeals primarily to
old folks like your father.
* If Coke and Pepsi spend billions of dollars to convince you
that there are significant differences between these two
products, both companies realize that Pepsi and Coke are
virtually identical.
* If the advertisement strongly suggests that Nike shoes enable
athletes to perform amazing feats, Nike wants you to disregard
the fact that shoe brand is unrelated to athletic ability.
* If Budweiser runs an elaborate advertising campaign stressing
the critical importance of a beer's "born-on" date, Budweiser
knows this factor has virtually nothing to do with how good a beer tastes.

16. You should not confuse your career with your life.

17. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

18. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one
individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take
command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

19. Your friends love you anyway.

20. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance
 
Street lights usually come on around dark, and flick off when the sun
rises. Are they turned on by someone in an office somewhere? Do
they have timers that make them go on and off?

Most street lights have photoelectric sensors that turn them on when
the light fades. Look at the top of a street light. The sensor may
be visible as a cylindrical protrusion, often surrounded by spiky
wires designed to keep birds from landing there.

Sometimes a street light will either stay on all day or never come on
at all. Each of these behaviors is usually caused by a defective
sensor. You may also notice a few street lights that turn on, then
buzz and go out, only to slowly brighten up again a few minutes
later. These lights are suffering from aging bulbs that are about to fail.
 
The Failure of "Isms" : Why Speech Codes Exist
by Charles Colson

A syllabus for a course at the University of Maine
contains the following warning: "Any language that
may be deemed sexist, racist or homophobic, or may be
found offensive by any minority group, is prohibited.
Use of such language can result in immediate failure
of that paper and possible future action."

It's an example of political correctness, and what
makes it especially ironic is that the course in
question isn't "Contemporary Feminism" or "Queer
Theory 101." Instead, it's a class called "Speech Communication."

Speech codes, it seems, are everywhere. But they
don't represent the triumph of liberalism, as you
might think. Instead, they represent its surrender.

Harvey Silvergate is the author of the "Shadow
University," a book about the restrictions on the
liberties of college students. Silvergate says ninety
percent of the nation's colleges have adopted speech codes.

The ostensible aim of these codes is to preserve the
peace. But, as Silvergate points out, these codes are
really little more than attempts at "mind control,"
designed to preserve a secular orthodoxy on campus.

Silvergate cites the example of a religion professor
who quoted biblical passages that describe the role
of women and sinfulness of homosexuality. He was
brought up on charges of hostility to woman and gays.

Now, the ability to punish politically incorrect
speech might seem like a victory for secular
liberalism. But, as philosopher Russell Hittinger
pointed out at Prison Fellowship's recent Wilberforce
Conference on worldview in Colorado Springs,
these codes are actually an admission of weakness.

As Hittinger explained, "Once upon a time people
really did believe that the modern ["isms"] would
provide an order of truth to replace the older
worldview of [Christianity.]" It was the belief that
"isms" such as Marxism and Darwinism were true that
made them so powerful.

But on the eve of the millennium, this faith in
secular ideologies is in tatters. It's difficult to
find anyone who will argue that any secular ideology
describes reality and provides a sure foundation
for organizing our lives.

What happened? In a word, postmodernism--the belief
that there are no universal truths or norms. As
Hittinger points out, secular liberalism not only
doesn't make claims about absolutes, it denies, as an
article of faith, that absolutes exist--including
liberal absolutes. In an ironic twist, liberalism,
which tried to reduce religion to a private matter,
has itself been reduced to a private matter.

This leaves liberals ill-equipped to engage
Christians in debates about the fitness of their
belief system. Does that mean they're willing to
concede the argument to Christians? Not at all. As
Hittinger put it, "my fellow faculty is scared down
to their socks of Christianity."

This fear produces the speech codes we see on
campuses across the country. Knowing that they can't
beat the Judeo-Christian tradition in a fair fight,
they seek to repress it instead.

Christians are and should be concerned about the
imposition of speech codes and other forms of
censorship. But that's because we welcome the very
debate our opponents fear. We know that it's not our
belief system that's been tried and found wanting, but theirs.

And to those who find that assertion offensive, I can
only ask, "what are you afraid of?"


"BreakPoint with Chuck Colson" ("BreakPoint") is a
daily commentary on news and trends from a Christian
perspective. Heard on more than 425 radio stations
nationwide, BreakPoint transcripts are also available
on the Internet. If you know of others who would
enjoy receiving BreakPoint in their E-mail box each
day, tell them they can sign up on our Web site at
www.breakpoint.org. If they do not have access to
the World Wide Web, please call 1-800-457-6125.
 
-- Denzel Washington - December 28, 1954
Actor, born in Mount Vernon, New York, USA. He won a
scholarship to the American Conservatory Theater in San
Francisco, and afterwards worked with the Shakespeare in
the Park ensemble. He appeared in a number of off-Broadway
productions and in television movies before making his
feature-film debut in the comedy A Carbon Copy. He had a
starring role in the television medical drama St Elsewhere.
He was Oscar-nominated for Cry Freedom and Malcolm X, and
won a Best Supporting Actor Oscar for Glory. Later films
include Much Ado About Nothing, Crimson Tide, The Hurricane,
Training Day, and The Manchurian Candidate.
 
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Around the World in 80 Days

Breakfast at Tiffany's

Charade

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You Do Something to Me

SWonderful

Adios

A Foggy Day

Amor

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Arrivederci Roma

Theme from Moulin Rouge II

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My Foolish Heart

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La Mer

April in Portugal

Because of You

Poor People of Paris

Unchained Melody

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Maple Leaf Rag

Voices of Spring

Emperor Waltz

Radetzky March

Water Music (Excerpt) George Frideric Handel

Finale - William Tell Overture

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So Rare

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My Foolish Heart

Don't Know Much

I WALK THE LINE

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Close To You

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Sing A Song

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Love Me With All Your Heart

If I Give My Heart To You

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See The USA

My Prayer

You Always Hurt

Take Me Out To The Ballgame

Love Me Tender

Its Now Or Never

Old Shep

Dont Be Cruel

When I Fall In Love

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A Fool Such As I

You'll Never Know

Fascination

I'm Yours

Wish You Were Here

Lady Of Spain

CanadianSunset

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Secret Love

This Magic Moment

My Prayer

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Great Pretender

Harbor Lights

Little Darlin'

Wanted

No Other Love

Magic Moments

Till The End Of Time

Dont Let The Stars

Overture - Barber of Seville

Back In The Saddle

You Always Hurt

When I Fall

When A Man

True Love

Sincerely

Sweetheart

In The Mood

A Taste Of Honey

The Lonely Bull

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This Guys In Love With You

What Now My Love

Three Coins In The Fountain

You've Gotta Have Heart

HeartOfMyHeart

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Love Is...

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Thanks For The Memories

Too Young

Because

Never On Sunday

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Windy

My Little Corner

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Chances Are

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Does Your Chewing Gum?

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I'll Get By

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As Time Goes By

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Glad To Be An American

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He's Got The Whole World

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* * * Four important things to KNOW: #1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned & fall short of the glory of God. #2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal separation from God, & damnation) but the Gift (free & at no charge to you) of God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in union with) Jesus Christ (God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah, Prince of Peace & Savior of the World). #3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone, anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes (trust in, relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven). #4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE. No one (male/female - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist, Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives) to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through) ME (no other name). *** This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - - (Rev. 3:20) {Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good things, etc. are not requirements for becoming a Christian - however they are great afterwards!!!} *** Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment), and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness, forever with God), and only a few find it.




D I S C L A I M E R If someone should ask if it's legal to download songs
found on various non-commercial sites, such as this one.

Well, I'm neither a lawyer nor a technician,
and I've begun to wonder if it was legal for
us to tape music off the radio back when
tape recorders first came into being.

And were we committing a crime when we recorded
a movie shown on TV with our VCRs? And was it
really legal to buy a dual-deck recorder for the
express purpose of duplicating cassettes?

My answer to all of the above is, "I don't know."

Nonetheless, here is a formal statement in
some kind of legalize that appears to apply
to this kind of file availability:

The songs on this site are copyrighted by their respective artists and are placed here
for evaluation purposes only. No profits or sales are made on this site from their use.

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