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The E.Newspaper
By Dr. Howdy, Ph.D.
A.P.E., N.U.T.

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Humor + Letters From Readers
Add Something Yourself



Two UNC girls were talking to each other
and one couldn't help but notice how pretty
and beautiful the others skin was. So she
asked her outright what made her skin so
soft and beautiful.

"Well.. once a week I fill a bathtub up
with milk and just soak in it."

So the UNC student went to a farm and spoke to
the farmer. "I'd like a lot of milk."

"How much?" asked the farmer.

"Well quite a lot because I'm going to soak in it."

He asked, "Pasturized?" "No...just up to my neck."

Dalmatians are among the most ancient breeds of dogs. Once known as
coach dogs or carriage dogs, they ran alongside moving coaches,
protecting them from robbers by raising an alarm, and keeping stray
dogs from interfering with the horses. It is thought that the modern
strain of the breed originated in a part of western Yugoslavia called Dalmatia.

Bred for endurance and reliability, coach dogs could run long
distances without tiring. They had a natural affinity for horses,
and their black and white spots made them easy for the horses to
distinguish from other dogs.

When horse-drawn fire wagons were invented, dalmatians were the
natural choice to run alongside, protecting the horses from other
animals and sending out their distinctive barks to help warn people
that the fire brigade was coming.

More about dalmatians:
Uncle Tom's Cabin: The Power of Story
by Charles Colson

The great nineteenth-century evangelist Charles
Finney once declared, "I cannot believe that a person
who has ever known the love of God can relish a secular novel."

Ironically, it was during Finney's lifetime that
Christians turned a secular novel into a great weapon
for Christ: UNCLE TOM'S CABIN. It's an illustration
of the power of a story.

Probably no other novel has made such an impact on a
nation. UNCLE TOM'S CABIN sold 300,000 copies in its
first year and two million copies by the end of the
decade. These are incredible figures, considering
that America's population was less than a tenth of
the size it is today. The book helped millions of
Americans understand, for the first time, what a
terrible thing it was to be a slave.

Today, "Uncle Tom" is a derogatory term, applied to
blacks that treat whites with fawning servility. But
in Harriet Beecher Stowe's novel, Tom is a Christ-
like figure. He suffers the worst evils imaginable,
yet refuses to strike back.

The book seared the consciences of Stowe's readers,
and helped them realize that slavery was a great
evil, not merely a problematic social institution.

Anti-slavery activists had been trying to get that
message across for almost thirty years. But nothing
they did had the impact of this book. In fact, most
abolitionists didn't read novels. Like Charles
Finney, they considered novels frivolous, if not
downright immoral. The last place they would have
looked for help in their cause was the bookstore fiction shelf.

UNCLE TOM'S CABIN is a reminder that one of the
reasons we read fiction is because fiction helps
train the moral imagination. As the late Russell Kirk
put it, the battle for our hearts and minds is fought
in the "land of the human imagination."

I know that when it comes to learning moral lessons,
I've often been much more affected by works of
fiction than by abstract theological discourses.

Biblical figures understood the power of a good
story. Remember the prophet, Nathan, confronting King
David about his affair with Bathsheba? Nathan did not
offer David a dry lecture on the sin of adultery. No,
he spun a story about a rich man who took the only
lamb belonging to a poor man. In order to get past
David's defenses, Nathan told an allegorical story.

Harriet Beecher Stowe received much of her insight
into slavery from carefully documented abolitionist
accounts. She then used her creative ability to teach
the message that all men and women are created in
God's image, and are infinitely precious to Him.

Twentieth century Christians ought to use the same
strategy as we fight modern social evils like
abortion, pornography, and the breakdown of the
family. We must use books, film, music, and
television to shock Americans out of their complacency.

One good book we can use, which shows the power of
the story, is Tim Stafford's new novel, THE STAMP OF
GLORY. It tells in fiction the marvelous story of the
abolitionist movement. You can order a copy by
calling BreakPoint today.

In reading this book, you'll learn some of the
forgotten details of how Christians led this noble
battle -- and you'll learn how we can fight modern
evils through the weapon of a great story.

~ If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're
eating it too slowly.

~ Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices &
strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

~ The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home
from the store in hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

~ Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll
take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.

~ A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily
intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?

~ If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top
of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they
will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

~ If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white
chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually
counteract each other?

~ Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

~ Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics
A. Because no one wants to quit.
Assorted thoughts

1. I'm not aging, I just need re-potting.
2. I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully.
3. If I can't be skinny, let all my friends be fat.
4. My idea of cleaning the house is sweeping the floor with a glance.
5. I cleaned my house yesterday. Sure wish you could have seen it.
6. This isn't clutter; these are my antiques!
7. Discover wildlife! Have kids!
8. Our policy is to always blame the computer.
9. Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.
10. Take my advice. I'm not using it!
11. Mom, I'll always love you, but I'll never forgive you
for cleaning my face with spit on a hanky.
12. By the time you find greener pastures, you can't climb the fence!
13. This house is protected by killer dust bunnies.
14. Every time I get the urge to exercise, I lie down till the feeling passes.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it
fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
A dog that runs for help...after it bites your leg off.

What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.
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Maple Leaf Rag

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Finale - William Tell Overture

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A Fool Such As I

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Too Young


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My Little Corner

Speak Low

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Be My Love

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* * * Four important things to KNOW: #1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned & fall short of the glory of God. #2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal separation from God, & damnation) but the Gift (free & at no charge to you) of God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in union with) Jesus Christ (God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah, Prince of Peace & Savior of the World). #3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone, anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes (trust in, relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven). #4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE. No one (male/female - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist, Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives) to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through) ME (no other name). *** This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - - (Rev. 3:20) {Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good things, etc. are not requirements for becoming a Christian - however they are great afterwards!!!} *** Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment), and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness, forever with God), and only a few find it.

D I S C L A I M E R If someone should ask if it's legal to download songs
found on various non-commercial sites, such as this one.

Well, I'm neither a lawyer nor a technician,
and I've begun to wonder if it was legal for
us to tape music off the radio back when
tape recorders first came into being.

And were we committing a crime when we recorded
a movie shown on TV with our VCRs? And was it
really legal to buy a dual-deck recorder for the
express purpose of duplicating cassettes?

My answer to all of the above is, "I don't know."

Nonetheless, here is a formal statement in
some kind of legalize that appears to apply
to this kind of file availability:

The songs on this site are copyrighted by their respective artists and are placed here
for evaluation purposes only. No profits or sales are made on this site from their use.

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