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The E.Newspaper
By Dr. Howdy, Ph.D.
A.P.E., N.U.T.

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The UNC math professor said, "Now class, we know
are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour,
hours in a day, and 365 days in a year, so who can tell
me how many seconds there are in a year?"

All the students looked baffled by the question except
Rufus, who raises his hand and waves it excitedly.
"Yes, Rufus, how many seconds are there in a year?"
the math professor asked.

Replied Rufus, "Twelve, m'am. January second, February
second, March second..."

Official Duke, Wake Forest, NCSU, UVA, FSU,
APE evaluation of a typical UNC* student...

~ Lights are on, nobody's home.
~ A few clowns short of a circus.
~ A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
~ A few peas short of a casserole.
~ Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box.
~ Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
~ The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
~ One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
~ One taco short of a combination plate.
~ Fell out of the family tree
~ A few feathers short of a whole duck.
~ The cheese slid off his cracker.
~ Body by Fisher; brains by Mattel.
~ Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
~ An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
~ As smart as bait.
~ Chimney's clogged.
~ Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
~ Forgot to pay his brain bill.
~ His sewing machine's out of thread.
~ If she had another brain, it would be lonely.
~ Slinky's kinked.
~ Surfing in Nebraska.
~ Too much yardage between the goal posts.
~ Big like ox; smart like tractor.
~ A few sandwiches short of a picnic.
~ Not wound too tight.
~ Shirt size: large. Cap size: small.
~ Room temperature IQ.
~ A few box cars short of a full trainload.
~ Missing a hard-drive.
~ Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
~ Doesn't have two wits to bat together.
~ Not the brightest crayon in the box.
~ One tire short of a Goodyear.
~ A few Pinata's short of a fiesta.
~ Butter slipped off the noodles.
~ Not firing on all thrusters.
~ Two cards short of a full deck.
~ Three dots short of an ink-blot test.
~ Forgot to use a surge protector.
~ Half bubble off level.
~ The mental agility of a used soap dish.
*UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill.
Specializing in a wide range of degree programs including:
B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), A.P.E., B.R.C.
(Bar Room Conversations), N.U.T., etc. Institution was founded in 1898
for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were
unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher
learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State.
First Published In Last Century - July 26,1997
Thought For The OPEN Mind - Humor From American Culture
Albert Einstein's most famous formula is widely known: E=mc^2, which
relates mass to energy. It says that the energy contained in matter
is equal to its mass times the speed of light squared.

Since light travels very fast (300,000 kilometers per second, or
186,000 miles per second), there's a lot of energy wrapped up in a
very small bit of matter. The energy of one gram (1/28 ounce) of
matter would keep a 100-watt light bulb glowing for 28,500 years.

One of the most noticeable examples of the mass-energy relation is in
the sun, where hydrogen is converted into helium by nuclear fusion.
During the reaction, 0.7% of the hydrogen's mass is released as
various forms of energy. The Creator pointed a tiny fraction of that
energy toward our planet in order to keep the Earth from turning into
a ball of ice. Did you happen to know that the Sun, light, & Einstein's
Creator was that Babe in Bethleham?

Listen to Einstein himself explain it:

College-level thought experiments on mass and energy:

Mathematical derivation of Einstein's equation:
"It is the duty of nations, as well as of men, to own their
dependence upon the overruling power of God and to
recognize the sublime truth announced in the Holy Scriptures
and proven by all history, that those nations only are blessed
whose God is the Lord." --Abraham Lincoln

A head tap gesture in Argentina and Peru means "I'm thinking"
or "Think." Elsewhere, it can mean "He's crazy."


Author John Grisham is a sixteenth cousin of President Bill

For her role as the Egyptian queen in Cleopatra,, Elizabeth
Taylor audaciously asked for, and received, the first $1
million contract in the film industry. The role was first
offered to starlet Joan Collins, who turned it down. Film
production became much more elaborate and costly than ori-
ginally budgeted once Taylor came on board.



The average female between the ages of 20 and 44 is more
likely to be overweight than are males in the same age cat-


Thomas Paine designed the first long bridge that could cross
a river without a supporting prop in the middle.



Artist Xavier Roberts first designed his soon-to-be-famous
Cabbage Patch dolls in 1977 to help pay his way through
school. They had soft faces and were made by hand, as opposed
to the hard-faced mass-market dolls, and were originally
called "Little People."

Black Highlighter

Braille Driver's Manual

Clear Correction Fluid

Fake Rhinestones
During War Games a captain had grown increasingly anxious over
rumors of an impending air strike from a neighboring war group. "Private,
"he ordered his UNC* grad aide, "I want you to climb that desert
mountain and report any signs of enemy military activity."

"Yes Sir, Captain," replied the Private. He trudged up the mountain,
and as soon as he crossed the ridge he saw a squadron of planes
heading their way. "There are many planes coming, Captain,
"he promptly radioed back.

"Friends or enemies?" the Captain demanded urgently.

The UNC grad again lifted his binoculars to the sky. "They're flying
very closely together, Captain," he replied. "I think they must be friends."
Q: What happens when two bullets get married?
A: They have a little BB.

1. Enthusiasm
2. Disillusionment
3. Panic
4. Search for the Guilty
5. Punishment of the Innocent
6. Praise and Honor for the Non-Participants
"My stomach has been bothering me, Doctor," complained the UNC student.

"What have you been eating?" asked the doctor.

"That's easy. I only eat pool balls."

"Pool balls?!" said the astonished doctor. "Maybe that's the trouble.
What kind do you eat?"

"All kinds," replied the student, "Red ones for breakfast, yellow and
orange ones for lunch, blue ones for afternoon snacks, and purple and
black for dinner."

"I see the problem," said the doctor. "You haven't been getting any greens!"
Q: How do you sink a submarine full of UNC grads?
A: Knock on the door.
One of the reasons for the success of the internet is its open,
peer-to-peer nature. All computers on the internet are equal,
and in the past it hasn't mattered whether your computer is
a 386 in Nguru on the end of a satellite phone or a big monster
in a New York rack. If that ever changes, I think we will lose
part of the essential, vital character of the internet.
(Doug Winter)
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Singing In The Rain

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Chuck Berry

Rock Around The Clock

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A Taste Of Honey - clip

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Hello, Dolly! - clip

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Song from Moulin Rouge


Ebb Tide

Tara's Theme from Gone with the Wind

Around the World in 80 Days

Breakfast at Tiffany's


The Way We Were

You Do Something to Me



A Foggy Day



Arrivederci Roma

Theme from Moulin Rouge II

Stardust - Big Band



Rhapsody in Blue

Sleepy Lagoon

My Foolish Heart

Lisbon Antigua

La Mer

April in Portugal

Because of You

Poor People of Paris

Unchained Melody

Stranger on the Shore


Maple Leaf Rag

Voices of Spring

Emperor Waltz

Radetzky March

Water Music (Excerpt) George Frideric Handel

Finale - William Tell Overture

Overture - My Fair Lady

The Rain in Spain

The Lonely Bull - Herb Alpert

Tijuana Taxi - Herb Alpert

The Happy Whistler

So Rare

Mona Lisa

Ghost Riders in the Sky

Walk, Don't Run

Wonderland by Night

Canadian Sunset

Blue Tango

The Happy Wanderer

Down Yonder

Midnight in Moscow

Crazy Medley


That's for Me

Quiet Village

Harbor Lights

Dueling Banjoes II

Autumn Leaves

My Foolish Heart

Don't Know Much






Close To You

Rainy Days & Mondays

Sing A Song

Yesterday Once More

We've Only Just Begun

Goodbye To Love

Only You

As Time Goes By

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As Time Goes By - Original

After Loving

San Francisco

Stranger In Paradise

Mrs. Howdy

Rags To Riches

The Good Life

Hello Dolly

All Of Me

Thank Heaven For Little Girls

Beyond The Sea

Everybody Loves

Return To Me

That's Amore

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Love Me With All Your Heart

If I Give My Heart To You

Autumn Leaves II

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See The USA

My Prayer

You Always Hurt

Take Me Out To The Ballgame

Love Me Tender

Its Now Or Never

Old Shep

Dont Be Cruel

When I Fall In Love

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A Fool Such As I

You'll Never Know


I'm Yours

Wish You Were Here

Lady Of Spain


It's Magic

Secret Love

This Magic Moment

My Prayer

Twilight Time

Great Pretender

Harbor Lights

Little Darlin'


No Other Love

Magic Moments

Till The End Of Time

Dont Let The Stars

Overture - Barber of Seville

Back In The Saddle

You Always Hurt

When I Fall

When A Man

True Love



In The Mood

A Taste Of Honey

The Lonely Bull

Lollipops And Roses

This Guys In Love With You

What Now My Love

Three Coins In The Fountain

You've Gotta Have Heart


Stranger In Paradise II

Love Is...


Georgia On My Mind

Sentimental Over You

Thanks For The Memories

Too Young


Never On Sunday

Yellow Rose Of Texas


My Little Corner

Speak Low

Moments To Remember


Be My Love

Embassy Waltz


A Certain Smile

Chances Are

Not For Me To Say

Stranger On The Shore

I'll Be Seeing You

Cherry Pink


Moonlight Serenade

Last Date

Naughty Lady

Til I Kissed You

All I Have To Do Is Dream

Dixie Land Band

Ghost Riders In The Sky

The Happy Wanderer


Santa Catalina

Band Of Gold

Auld Lang Syne

The Wayward Wind

P.S. I Love You

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Ebb Tide

Lime Light

Green Door

My Heart Cries

Down Yonder

Silvana Mangano Anna

Does Your Chewing Gum?

Grand Night For Singing

Purple People Eater

Orange Blossom Special

I'll Get By

'Til Then

Katie At UNC

Love Letters

As Time Goes By

Cheek To Cheek

Mission Impossible

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Glad To Be An American

Battle Hymn Of The Republic

How Great Thou Art

Have Thine Own Way

Beyond The Sunset

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He's Got The Whole World

Peace In The Valley

How Great Thou Art II

Stars & Stripes Forever

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El Paso

Happy Trails

Big John

Sixteen Tons

Which Doctor?

Wonderful! Wonderful!



The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Mr. Sandman

Bad Leroy

Only The Lonely


Magnificent 7

Magnificent 7 - II


I Walk The Line

God loves you so much that He died for you!!!


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Verse of the Day

* * * Four important things to KNOW: #1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned & fall short of the glory of God. #2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal separation from God, & damnation) but the Gift (free & at no charge to you) of God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in union with) Jesus Christ (God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah, Prince of Peace & Savior of the World). #3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone, anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes (trust in, relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven). #4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE. No one (male/female - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist, Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives) to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through) ME (no other name). *** This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - - (Rev. 3:20) {Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good things, etc. are not requirements for becoming a Christian - however they are great afterwards!!!} *** Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment), and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness, forever with God), and only a few find it.

D I S C L A I M E R If someone should ask if it's legal to download songs
found on various non-commercial sites, such as this one.

Well, I'm neither a lawyer nor a technician,
and I've begun to wonder if it was legal for
us to tape music off the radio back when
tape recorders first came into being.

And were we committing a crime when we recorded
a movie shown on TV with our VCRs? And was it
really legal to buy a dual-deck recorder for the
express purpose of duplicating cassettes?

My answer to all of the above is, "I don't know."

Nonetheless, here is a formal statement in
some kind of legalize that appears to apply
to this kind of file availability:

The songs on this site are copyrighted by their respective artists and are placed here
for evaluation purposes only. No profits or sales are made on this site from their use.

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