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The E.Newspaper By Dr. Howdy, Ph.D. A.P.E., N.U.T.
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The UNC math professor said, "Now class, we know there are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day, and 365 days in a year, so who can tell me how many seconds there are in a year?" All the students looked baffled by the question except Rufus, who raises his hand and waves it excitedly. "Yes, Rufus, how many seconds are there in a year?" the math professor asked. Replied Rufus, "Twelve, m'am. January second, February second, March second..."
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Official Duke, Wake Forest, NCSU, UVA, FSU, APE evaluation of a typical UNC* student...
~ Lights are on, nobody's home. ~ A few clowns short of a circus. ~ A few fries short of a Happy Meal. ~ A few peas short of a casserole. ~ Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box. ~ Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. ~ The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead. ~ One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl. ~ One taco short of a combination plate. ~ Fell out of the family tree ~ A few feathers short of a whole duck. ~ The cheese slid off his cracker. ~ Body by Fisher; brains by Mattel. ~ Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel. ~ An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. ~ As smart as bait. ~ Chimney's clogged. ~ Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor. ~ Forgot to pay his brain bill. ~ His sewing machine's out of thread. ~ If she had another brain, it would be lonely. ~ Slinky's kinked. ~ Surfing in Nebraska. ~ Too much yardage between the goal posts. ~ Big like ox; smart like tractor. ~ A few sandwiches short of a picnic. ~ Not wound too tight. ~ Shirt size: large. Cap size: small. ~ Room temperature IQ. ~ A few box cars short of a full trainload. ~ Missing a hard-drive. ~ Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. ~ Doesn't have two wits to bat together. ~ Not the brightest crayon in the box. ~ One tire short of a Goodyear. ~ A few Pinata's short of a fiesta. ~ Butter slipped off the noodles. ~ Not firing on all thrusters. ~ Two cards short of a full deck. ~ Three dots short of an ink-blot test. ~ Forgot to use a surge protector. ~ Half bubble off level. ~ The mental agility of a used soap dish. ________ *UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill. Specializing in a wide range of degree programs including: B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), A.P.E., B.R.C. (Bar Room Conversations), N.U.T., etc. Institution was founded in 1898 for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State.
Albert Einstein's most famous formula is widely known: E=mc^2, which relates mass to energy. It says that the energy contained in matter is equal to its mass times the speed of light squared.
Since light travels very fast (300,000 kilometers per second, or 186,000 miles per second), there's a lot of energy wrapped up in a very small bit of matter. The energy of one gram (1/28 ounce) of matter would keep a 100-watt light bulb glowing for 28,500 years.
One of the most noticeable examples of the mass-energy relation is in the sun, where hydrogen is converted into helium by nuclear fusion. During the reaction, 0.7% of the hydrogen's mass is released as various forms of energy. The Creator pointed a tiny fraction of that energy toward our planet in order to keep the Earth from turning into a ball of ice. Did you happen to know that the Sun, light, & Einstein's Creator was that Babe in Bethleham?
Listen to Einstein himself explain it: http://www.aip.org/history/einstein/voice1.htm
College-level thought experiments on mass and energy: http://www.phys.virginia.edu/classes/252/mass_and_energy.html
Mathematical derivation of Einstein's equation: http://library.thinkquest.org/3471/energy_mass_equivalence.html
"It is the duty of nations, as well as of men, to own their dependence upon the overruling power of God and to recognize the sublime truth announced in the Holy Scriptures and proven by all history, that those nations only are blessed whose God is the Lord." --Abraham Lincoln
A head tap gesture in Argentina and Peru means "I'm thinking" or "Think." Elsewhere, it can mean "He's crazy."
Author John Grisham is a sixteenth cousin of President Bill Clinton. ***
For her role as the Egyptian queen in Cleopatra,, Elizabeth Taylor audaciously asked for, and received, the first $1 million contract in the film industry. The role was first offered to starlet Joan Collins, who turned it down. Film production became much more elaborate and costly than ori- ginally budgeted once Taylor came on board.
The average female between the ages of 20 and 44 is more likely to be overweight than are males in the same age cat- egory. ***
DIDN'T HE WRITE 'COMMON SENSE'?
Thomas Paine designed the first long bridge that could cross a river without a supporting prop in the middle.
REMEMBER CABBAGE PATCH KIDS?
Artist Xavier Roberts first designed his soon-to-be-famous Cabbage Patch dolls in 1977 to help pay his way through school. They had soft faces and were made by hand, as opposed to the hard-faced mass-market dolls, and were originally called "Little People."
During War Games a captain had grown increasingly anxious over rumors of an impending air strike from a neighboring war group. "Private, "he ordered his UNC* grad aide, "I want you to climb that desert mountain and report any signs of enemy military activity."
"Yes Sir, Captain," replied the Private. He trudged up the mountain, and as soon as he crossed the ridge he saw a squadron of planes heading their way. "There are many planes coming, Captain, "he promptly radioed back.
"Friends or enemies?" the Captain demanded urgently.
The UNC grad again lifted his binoculars to the sky. "They're flying very closely together, Captain," he replied. "I think they must be friends."
One of the reasons for the success of the internet is its open, peer-to-peer nature. All computers on the internet are equal, and in the past it hasn't mattered whether your computer is a 386 in Nguru on the end of a satellite phone or a big monster in a New York rack. If that ever changes, I think we will lose part of the essential, vital character of the internet. (Doug Winter)