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The E.Newspaper
By Dr. Howdy, Ph.D.
A.P.E., N.U.T.

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Humor + Letters From Readers
Add Something Yourself



A fawn with a hornet? Bambee.
A policeman with a telegram? Copper wire.
A canary with a mole? A miner bird.
A pig with a cactus? A porkerpine.
A cat with a lemon? A sourpuss.
A banana with a red silk dress? A pink slip.
A chicken with a bell? An alarm cluck.
A duck with a steamroller? A flat duck.
An Eskimo with a pig? A polar boar.
A spider with a rabbit? A hare net.
A ham with a karate expert? Pork chops.
An owl with a goat? A hootenanny.
An Indian with a cow? Geronimoo.
A tiger with a needle? Pin stripes.
A termite with a house? An exterminator.
A dove with a high chair? A stool pigeon.
A tree with a baseball player? Babe Root.
A parrot with a centipede? A walkie-talkie.
A rabbit with a kilt? Hopscotch.
A dog with a daisy? A collie-flower.
A hummingbird with a doorbell? A humdinger.
The Green Giant with Robin Hood? A Hoe-Bow.
The Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? Halfway.
A movie with a swimming pool? A dive-in theater.
Telly Sevalas with a pool table? A billiard bald.
A potato with an onion? A potato with watery eyes.
A dog with a chicken? A hen that lays pooched eggs.
A vulture with a small grass house? A scavenger hut.
A pit bull with a collie? A dog that bites your leg off and runs for
A kangaroo with a sheep? A wooly jumper.
A gorilla and a sheep? A very nice wool coat, except the sleeves are
too long.
Something very strange happened
to me this past week. I was seated
in my library chair, mulling over
current events, trying to make a
few new year's predictions, which
is the custom for commentators.

I was concentrating hard, when
suddenly I saw before my eyes
a headline from the NEW YORK
TIMES. It read, "Congress Votes
to End War; Troops Ordered to
Abandon Iraq."

The view changed. Just as in
Vietnam three decades ago,
I saw Americans clinging
to helicopters, trying to get
themselves out of Baghdad
along with friendly Shiite
Muslims. There was massive
confusion, bombs going
off in the background.

And then, I saw pictures
out of Afghanistan. Al
Qaeda had toppled the
new Afghan government.
Marines and soldiers again
were hurriedly boarding
choppers. It can't be real,
I thought -- but it was.

The next thing I saw was
a picture of Palestine,
where most of the al
Qaeda terrorists had
now gone. The Israeli
government was in
disarray, reeling
under a series of huge
bomb blasts in Jerusalem.

Country after country was
falling to the Islamic fascists:
Saudi Arabia. Turkey. Egypt.
For the most part, the terrorists
simply refused to ship oil, and
what they did ship was priced
at over $150 a barrel. It was
a worldwide crisis. Europe
quickly signed a non-aggression
pact with al Qaeda in exchange
for oil.

Then came the most devastating
picture of all: panic in the streets
of Washington, D.C., as a dirty
bomb exploded not a quarter
of a mile from the Capitol. Huge
sections of the city were cordoned
off, uninhabitable. Even people
with the best protective equipment
suffered serious radiation burns.

Projections were that the area
would be off-limits for years.
Then came the bombing of
the Holland Tunnel, connecting
New York and New Jersey --
then the collapse of the
pillars of the Golden Gate

The government threatened
retaliation, of course -- but
there was no one to retaliate
against. The Islamo-fascists
were spread throughout the
world, and it was impossible
to strike against all the countries
that were harboring them or
being run by them. Osama bin
Laden himself appeared on
Al Jazeera, boasting that
he had known all along that
the Americans wouldn't fight.

By now, most American
television was not operating.
But I could still get one channel.
Talking heads were arguing
frantically over how this could
have happened. One man's
voice stood out when he said,
"It was all so foreseeable.

Once you rule religion a private
matter, and declare all religions
alike, no one in this country could
understand the dimensions of a
great religious struggle.

No one understood the clash of
civilizations or the evil of Islamo-
fascism. We didn't even have the
language to describe religious
beliefs anymore. Destruction
was inevitable."

And that's when I woke up in
a cold sweat.

It was 5:00 A.M. I went
immediately to the front door.
Good -- the newspaper was
there. I flipped it open. There
was nothing in the headlines
except the confirmation fight
over Alito, more quibbling
over Iraq -- all the usual
banter that goes on endlessly
in the press. But as I walked
into the house, my knees
were still shaking.

It was only a dream. We're
okay, I told myself.

Or are we?

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Say A Prayer

Hawaii Five O


The Battle Of New Orleans

Beverly Hillbillies

Indiana Jones

James Bond



Mission Impossible

Peter Gunn


Singing In The Rain

Star Wars

Top Gun

Peggy Sue



Chuck Berry

Rock Around The Clock

Dueling Guitars

Blueberry Hill

A Taste Of Honey - clip

(I Left My Heart) In San Francisco - clip

Take The 'A' Train - clip

Hello, Dolly! - clip

Peggy Sue - clip

Theme From Peter Gunn - clip

Song from Moulin Rouge


Ebb Tide

Tara's Theme from Gone with the Wind

Around the World in 80 Days

Breakfast at Tiffany's


The Way We Were

You Do Something to Me



A Foggy Day



Arrivederci Roma

Theme from Moulin Rouge II

Stardust - Big Band



Rhapsody in Blue

Sleepy Lagoon

My Foolish Heart

Lisbon Antigua

La Mer

April in Portugal

Because of You

Poor People of Paris

Unchained Melody

Stranger on the Shore


Maple Leaf Rag

Voices of Spring

Emperor Waltz

Radetzky March

Water Music (Excerpt) George Frideric Handel

Finale - William Tell Overture

Overture - My Fair Lady

The Rain in Spain

The Lonely Bull - Herb Alpert

Tijuana Taxi - Herb Alpert

The Happy Whistler

So Rare

Mona Lisa

Ghost Riders in the Sky

Walk, Don't Run

Wonderland by Night

Canadian Sunset

Blue Tango

The Happy Wanderer

Down Yonder

Midnight in Moscow

Crazy Medley


That's for Me

Quiet Village

Harbor Lights

Dueling Banjoes II

Autumn Leaves

My Foolish Heart

Don't Know Much






Close To You

Rainy Days & Mondays

Sing A Song

Yesterday Once More

We've Only Just Begun

Goodbye To Love

Only You

As Time Goes By

As Time Goes By II

As Time Goes By - Original

After Loving

San Francisco

Stranger In Paradise

Mrs. Howdy

Rags To Riches

The Good Life

Hello Dolly

All Of Me

Thank Heaven For Little Girls

Beyond The Sea

Everybody Loves

Return To Me

That's Amore

Autumn Leaves

Love Me With All Your Heart

If I Give My Heart To You

Autumn Leaves II

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See The USA

My Prayer

You Always Hurt

Take Me Out To The Ballgame

Love Me Tender

Its Now Or Never

Old Shep

Dont Be Cruel

When I Fall In Love

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When I Fall In Love III

A Fool Such As I

You'll Never Know


I'm Yours

Wish You Were Here

Lady Of Spain


It's Magic

Secret Love

This Magic Moment

My Prayer

Twilight Time

Great Pretender

Harbor Lights

Little Darlin'


No Other Love

Magic Moments

Till The End Of Time

Dont Let The Stars

Overture - Barber of Seville

Back In The Saddle

You Always Hurt

When I Fall

When A Man

True Love



In The Mood

A Taste Of Honey

The Lonely Bull

Lollipops And Roses

This Guys In Love With You

What Now My Love

Three Coins In The Fountain

You've Gotta Have Heart


Stranger In Paradise II

Love Is...


Georgia On My Mind

Sentimental Over You

Thanks For The Memories

Too Young


Never On Sunday

Yellow Rose Of Texas


My Little Corner

Speak Low

Moments To Remember


Be My Love

Embassy Waltz


A Certain Smile

Chances Are

Not For Me To Say

Stranger On The Shore

I'll Be Seeing You

Cherry Pink


Moonlight Serenade

Last Date

Naughty Lady

Til I Kissed You

All I Have To Do Is Dream

Dixie Land Band

Ghost Riders In The Sky

The Happy Wanderer


Santa Catalina

Band Of Gold

Auld Lang Syne

The Wayward Wind

P.S. I Love You

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Ebb Tide

Lime Light

Green Door

My Heart Cries

Down Yonder

Silvana Mangano Anna

Does Your Chewing Gum?

Grand Night For Singing

Purple People Eater

Orange Blossom Special

I'll Get By

'Til Then

Katie At UNC

Love Letters

As Time Goes By

Cheek To Cheek

Mission Impossible

The Way You Look Tonight


Glad To Be An American

Battle Hymn Of The Republic

How Great Thou Art

Have Thine Own Way

Beyond The Sunset

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He's Got The Whole World

Peace In The Valley

How Great Thou Art II

Stars & Stripes Forever

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El Paso

Happy Trails

Big John

Sixteen Tons

Which Doctor?

Wonderful! Wonderful!



The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Mr. Sandman

Bad Leroy

Only The Lonely


Magnificent 7

Magnificent 7 - II


I Walk The Line

God loves you so much that He died for you!!!


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Verse of the Day

* * * Four important things to KNOW: #1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned & fall short of the glory of God. #2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal separation from God, & damnation) but the Gift (free & at no charge to you) of God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in union with) Jesus Christ (God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah, Prince of Peace & Savior of the World). #3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone, anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes (trust in, relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven). #4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE. No one (male/female - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist, Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives) to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through) ME (no other name). *** This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - - (Rev. 3:20) {Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good things, etc. are not requirements for becoming a Christian - however they are great afterwards!!!} *** Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment), and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness, forever with God), and only a few find it.

D I S C L A I M E R If someone should ask if it's legal to download songs
found on various non-commercial sites, such as this one.

Well, I'm neither a lawyer nor a technician,
and I've begun to wonder if it was legal for
us to tape music off the radio back when
tape recorders first came into being.

And were we committing a crime when we recorded
a movie shown on TV with our VCRs? And was it
really legal to buy a dual-deck recorder for the
express purpose of duplicating cassettes?

My answer to all of the above is, "I don't know."

Nonetheless, here is a formal statement in
some kind of legalize that appears to apply
to this kind of file availability:

The songs on this site are copyrighted by their respective artists and are placed here
for evaluation purposes only. No profits or sales are made on this site from their use.

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