We have -
Moved To:
http://professor-howdy.blogspot.com/

Welcome to the E-Mail Newspaper
featuring 'Thought & Humor'
by Howdy





===============



A drummer in the UNC marching band, tired from being ridiculed
by his peers, decides to learn how to play some "real" musical
instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the
store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over there and that
accordion." The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies
"OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got to stay".



===============


Riddles:



1) Sometimes I am square,
Sometimes I am not.
help to keep you dry,
and sometimes to keep
you from getting hot.
I am in the color you
want me to be,
And am there for the
whole world to see.


2) A man is pushing his car. He stops in front of a hotel
and immediately knows he is bankrupt. How did he know?


3) Someone at a party introduces you to your mother's only
sister's husband's sister-in-law. He has no brothers. What
do you call this lady?

4) In this limerick, which concerns a young man of limited
mental ability, all the A's, P's, R's, I's and L's have
been omitted, nearly 50 in all. Can you replace them?

vte te, on de,
ceesy shoudeed sde.
ced sge: "Stnd t ese,
esent ms, f you ese.
vet Gss hs new knd of bde!"




(Answers are located below)
If you can't find the answers below:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/howdy_text_only/messages

===============



'Text-Only' Edition has no color cartoon here - and it was funny...http://www.buffalosjokes.com/388.jpg
===============


A newly hired nurse listened while the doctor was yelling, "Typhoid!
Tetanus! Measles!"

She asked another nurse, "Why is he going on like that?"

The experienced nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots around
here."



===============




Read what you have time for below
& save the residuum for a stormy/
blustery/dilatory interval while
the charming/exquisite/vernal/
aestival season is bursting out all
over. Our goal is to promote a non-
threatening and productive office
& university environment and to
establish language that is gender-
neutral, ethnic-neutral, and age-
neutral while celebrating our spirit
of diversity.


===============





A Special Message to each reader
of 'Thought & Humor' from Howdy:

http://www.riversongs.com/Flash/you.html






===============







***WARNING***WARNING***WARNING***WARNING***


If you do not receive an issue each week write me and let me know.
I would hate to lose you forever in the dangerous cyberspace world!!!
Write me:
your-bestfriend4u@juno.com

Your Devoted Autumn Friend,

Howdy

P.S. Subscribe: Get your friends to join the fun by sending an e-mail to:

OSU_humor_club-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Archives:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/howdy_text_only/messages
http://groups.yahoo.com/group//better_n_color


(Please save this notice)



===============



WHEN GOD'S NOT INVITED
by Matt Kaufman

Secular rituals are sprouting up where people try to find
meaning without God. Try as they might, though, they can’t
fill that hole.

http://www.boundless.org/regulars/kaufman/a0000959.html

{Double click this link or copy and paste this link into your Web Browser's address line}




===============





What does a cat get from watching too many Mickey Mouse films?
- Disney Spells






===============







Dear Howdy,

I thought you might like to see an amazing photo of a Qantas 747
that ran off the edge of the clearway and into grass. Rescue services
say it was a very close call.

Marie (South Africa)

P.S. See below:





===============





Undoubtedly America’s fastest growing sensation online,
'Thought & Humor' has arrived after winding its way
through the Internet’s highways and byways to your e-mail
address. We welcome all our great readers to another unique
blend of the jocular with provocative rumination for your
weekly entertainment - usually platitudinous & bromidic
but never nefarious, prurient, besmeared, or perfidious
and delivered gratis to offices, homes & dorms ubiquitously....




===============







Asked by his sophomore prof to spell "straight."
The UNC* student did so correctly.

"Now," said the professor, "what does it mean?"

"Without water."

________
*UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill.
Specializing in a wide range of degree programs including:
B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), A.P.E., B.R.C.
(Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898
for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were
unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher
learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State.

===============







From each set of four words below, can you pick the word
that does not fit in meaning to the other three? The answers
are at the bottom!

1. intrinsic 2. fortuitous 3. cliche
innate gregarious verisimilitude
omnipotent convivial maxim
inherent amicable epigram

4. belligerent 5. inane 6. vitriolic
indignant hackneyed acrimonious
pertinent platitudinous choleric
contentious conducive prolific

7. gravity 8. noxious 9. finesse
austerity obsequious competence
vicissitude pernicious proficiency
sobriety deleterious euphemism




===============







A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be
dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think
of but none of them worked.

On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot. As the
trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the bench.

"Your Honor," he said, " I must be excused from this trial because I
am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in
his blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I
said to myself, 'He's a crook! He's guilty, guilty, guilty!' So, your
Honor, I could not possibly stay on this jury!"

With a tired annoyance the judge replied, "Get back in the jury box.
That man is his lawyer."








===============








There was a UNC grad driving down the center of the road at 100 mph.
A police officer pulled her over to the side of the road. When she
had stopped, the officer asked, "License and Registration please"

"It's okay, Officer, I have a special license that allows me to do
this," she said smiling.

"That's impossible!" The officer replied, "I've never heard of such
a license."

To which the driver reached into her purse and handed him her
license. Astonished, the Officer said, "Just as I suspected. This
is an ordinary license, I see nothing here that would allow you
special consideration."

She pointed to the bottom of the license, "See? it says so right
here: 'Tear Along The Dotted Line'."









===============


***TEST YOUR WORD KNOWLEDGE? ***

Match the words in the left-hand column with the correct
definition in the right-hand column. The answer key is
listed at the bottom of this newsletter.


1. acclamation A. Foulmouthed; scurrilous
2. blatherskite B. To kill by throwing a grenade
3. Amacreontic C. A small yard surrounded by a cloister
4. embrangle D. Celebrating love and drinking
5. schlock E. Cheap, inferior, or shoddy.
6. thersitical F. An enthusiastic expression of approval
7. garth G. Nonsense; foolishness
8. tommyrot H. Somebody who likes to chat about silly things
9. frag I. Deviating from the ordinary rule
10. heteroclite J. To embroil or entangle


(answers below)


===============







Evidence has been found that William Tell and his
family were avid bowlers. However, all the league
records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire.

Thus we'll never know for whom the Tell's bowled.






===============


Why am I Here: http://www.needhim.org/
===============







A UNC grad spent all day making his funny money. At the
end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills.

He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this
batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren't too
bright and change his phony money for real cash.

He travels to a small town in the backwoods and walks into a
small Mom and Pop grocery store. He goes to the old man
behind the counter and asks him, "Do you have change for a $15 bill?"

The old man replies, "I sure do. How would you like that?
An 8 and a 7 or two 6s and a three?"






===============



'Thought & Humor' has been read in all 50 States,
70 Countries, 7 Continents, many Island Nations,
Oxford, Cambridge, every Ivy League School
& all major American Universities including UNC!!!



===============



A note left for a pianist from his wife: "Gone Chopin,
have Liszt, Bach in a Minuet."



===============



If you would like to write Howdy (he reads all of them),
send an amicable, meticulous, penurious or factious e-mail to:



Howdy's address: your-bestfriend4u@juno.com



Please tell us your general location (State, School, Country).
All letters sent to Howdy might be printed unless you
request otherwise. Letters marked "anonymous" may be
printed but without the name. Your e-mail address will not
be shown. Tell us what's happening in your locale!!!





Dear Howdy,

As, always, a great T&H! I am reminded today of what a truly great servant
you are for Christ! Putting together such a varied and always new and
interesting publication for the whole world to read is nothing short of a
huge task and challenge. You show grace and love towards all those who send
you negative comments (putting that lightly, occasionally) and display great
consideration and concern for all of your readers. In that, you personify
Christ. I admire your efforts and your efforts must not be underestimated.

GOD BLESS YOU HOWDY for you work in the Great Commission!!!
Ellen

PS: Loved the Cartoon Character Quiz...I was Sponge Bob! LOL. I'd be
interested to hear what everyone else summed up to be!

+++

Howdy,

I wake up in the morning,
And can hardly wait to see
If I've received a mailing,
addressed from you to me.

I get my puter running
And much to my delight,
Your poems, jokes and other things
Come quickly into sight.

Please keep those emails coming,
They are so enjoyable you see
Funny things, friendly things
Those things you mail to me.

But most of all the fun of it,
Is knowing that they came.
From you my friend,
The one I need not name.

Shirl

+++

Dear Howdy,

The color reference is that it is hard to see the letters in certain
colors against the background...it's like a color blind test...I find
it hardest with the day-glo type colors...it's only with certain colors,
though...

I usually drag the mouse across the letters to highlight them as
if cutting and pasting...one could also detune the color intensity
on their monitor so the colors are not so vivid...

Phil

+++

Dear Howdy,

I've actually got a couple of spare minutes, so I thought I'd give you
some feedback on the latest issue I've read.

It's really nice how you mix up the humor with the serious. There's a good balance of the two.
Still can't read the orange font. - Will work on this with the NEXT issue - Howdy
The mix of brain tease (riddles, word power) and historical notes (Edison, Crusades) are wonderful, too.
The cartoon mix (from different sources & black & white/color) keeps the look fresh.
Some of the web sites are great (parks) and some take you through many pages (gas) and some are not available (ability to sign up for Google e-mail).
The repeat items surprised me because I thought you used fresh material, but I assume you rotate jokes. (eternal youth joke, hydrogen atoms, etc.) - yes, if it makes me smile again!!! Howdy
It's nice to see contributions from readers included, not just their opinions about whether they do or do not want to be subscribed to T&H.
The facts, figures & trivia portions are a favorite category of mine in your e-letters.
Ron Hutchcraft/Chuck Colson articles are vital, too.
It's thoughtful of you to provide kids' websites.
The tan background color is "easy" on the eyes.
I absolutely LOVED the cartoon re. computer add-ons!!!
Adding features that help Christians defend their faith (like political issues info., Crusades, etc.) is so very helpful and important.
So, thanks, Howdy. No great words of wisdom, just my opinions.
Although I've given you feedback a million times before, you often
seem to request it anew, so that's why I responded.

Lisa :)
(Board Member)

+++

Dear Howdy,

For some time now I have been guilty of just skipping (deleting)
the T&H msgs. I must not do that from now on. Yesterday I laughed
so much and that was good free therapy!! I even forwarded. Thanks
for keeping them clean--- there is really no need to dirty good humor.

Pamela.

+++


Dear Howdy,

You may seen this before. It's worth reading again.

A GLASS OF MILK

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door
to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime
left, and he was hungry. He decided he would ask for a meal at the
next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman
opened the door. Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water. She
thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He
drank it slowly, and then asked, How much do I owe you?" You don't
owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us never to accept
pay for a kindness"! He said..... "Then I thank you from my heart."

As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger
physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been
ready to give up and quit.

Many years later that same young woman became critically
ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city,
where they called in specialists to study her rare disease. Dr. Howard
Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name
of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes. Immediately
he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room. Dressed in
his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once. He
went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save
her life. From that day he gave special attention to her case.

After a long struggle, the battle was won. Dr. Kelly requested the
business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it,
then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room. She
feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay
for it all. Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the
side of the bill. She read these words.....

"Paid in full with one glass of milk"
(Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.

Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed:

"Thank You, God, that Your love has spread broad through human hearts
and hands."

There's a saying which goes something like this: Bread cast
on the waters comes back to you. The good deed you do today may
benefit you or someone you love at the least expected time. If you never
see the deed again at least you will have made the world a better place -
And, after all, isn't that what life is all about?

Sarah (UNC)

+++

Dear Howdy,

A college student challenged a senior citizen, saying it was
impossible for their generation to understand his.
"You grew up in a different world," the student said.
"Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, nuclear energy,
computers..."

Taking advantage of a pause in the student's litany, the geezer said,
"You're right. We didn't have those things when we were young;
so we invented them! What are you doing for the next generation??"

(I love old people! We do have a lot to offer!!!)

Meade S.

+++

Dear Howdy,

Don't know exactly how I got on your mailing list, but sure am glad I did.
Could you, however, put me on your "plain text" list. I'm using my laptop
as my primary computer and the resolution isn't as good as I would like -
the various fonts and colors make it difficult to read. Thanks, and keep
typing away....
In HIS Service...
...LBC







Please note that our policy allows for us to receive threats
on alternate Tuesdays when the Moon is waning only...


===============






For nearly thirty years, the phrase killing fields was synonymous with Cambodia.
Between 1975 and 1979, the communist Khmer Rouge killed at least one million
Cambodians in their attempt to reinvent their society.

The killing ended only with the Vietnamese invasion which drove the Khmer Rouge
out of power and into the jungle. Now, some of them have re-emerged, bearing not
guns, but Bibles, a reminder of how the Gospel can succeed where man cannot.
MORE: http://xrl.us/dvqb






===============




Godiva Chocolates were launched in 1926 in Brussels,
Belgium, when master chocolatier Joseph Draps founded,
with his family, a chocolate company named in honor of the
1040 A.D. legend of Lady Godiva. Draps had perfected a unique
formula of rich, smooth chocolate. With an eye for detail,
he launched elegant, European shell-moulded designs and
exquisite packaging. Through the years, his standards have
been maintained as zealously as his recipes have been
guarded. Since its U.S. introduction in 1966, Godiva
continues to be a leader in the premium confectionery
industry. Godiva's famous Open Oyster, a shell-moulded
chocolate filled with hazelnut praliné, is the company's
best-selling individual chocolate piece




===============





A UNC grad had always dreamed of owning his own cattle
ranch, and finally made enough money to buy himself the
spread of his dreams in Wyoming.

"So, what did you name the ranch?" asked his best friend
when he flew out to visit.

"We had a heck of a time," admitted the new cowboy.
"Couldn't agree on anything. We finally settled on the
Double R Lazy L Triple Horseshoe Bar-7 Lucky Diamond Ranch."

"Wow!" his friend was impressed. But looking around he
saw no cattle. "So... where are all the cows?"

"None of 'em survived the branding."








===============









Driving is never more exciting than it is during a major snowstorm.
In fact, it is so exciting you ought to avoid it. Sometimes you just can't.
I was scheduled to speak at a retreat in the Pocono Mountains one January
weekend and a major snowstorm moved in right on the Friday when everyone
is supposed to be traveling to Pennsylvania from New Jersey. I waited all day
for the call, "Sorry, it's been cancelled." I got the call. They were still going,
and by that time it was dark. It was snowing very impressively, so I traveled
at a very reduced speed and it looked almost impossible to make it until I
spotted my friend up ahead - my friend the snow plow. He was clearing a
lane as he went. I just fell in right behind Mr. Snow Plow and followed him
through the storm all the way to the state line.

Our word for today from the Word of God comes from Isaiah 43:16. God
says, "This is what the Lord says - He who made a way through the sea, a
path through the mighty waters." Verse 18: "Forget the former things; do not
dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you
not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the
wasteland." God is described here as He who made a way. This is a very
exciting view of our Heavenly Father. He's the way-maker when there is no
way. Like when the Jews were on the banks of the Red Sea, every sense said
it was over. No way. Now, young people often pick up phrases and dialogue
from popular movies. One of those that came from a movie a few years ago was
a response when someone says, "No way." You just go, "Way." That's short
for, "No, you're wrong. There is a way."

Right now you might be facing a seemingly impossible situation and
you're shaking your head like the Jews at the Red Sea and you're saying "No
way." Then there's this unexpected whisper from God's heart to yours: "Way."
He's just trying to assure you that He will make a way through mighty waters
that seem overwhelming and unmovable - through the desert, a place where
there seems to be no resources.

If you've committed yourself to Jesus as your personal Savior, you
belong to a way-making God. What does that mean? You can't judge the
outcome by how bad the situation is. Your Father can overrule that. You
can't judge by how impossible it is. It's only impossible by earth standards.
But your God doesn't have impossible in His vocabulary. You can't judge by
how late it is. You say, "Man, there's not enough time for an answer now."
Hey, God could do in an hour what men couldn't pull off in fifty years.

Stand with Job on this conviction. It's in Job 42:2, "I know that
you can do all things, Lord, no plan of yours can be thwarted." One
treacherous snowy night I looked ahead at a road that seemed impossible
until I saw someone going ahead of me who could clear that road.

One fearful day, God's ancient people stood on the banks of the Red
Sea trapped before the attacking armies of Egypt until they saw someone who
could part a sea and bury an army. That very same God, the great Way-Maker,
is out in front of you. Ron Hutchcraft



Send any comments for Howdy to:
your-bestfriend4u@juno.com
If published in 'T & H', millions
could see your annotation.

Listen with RealAudio!
http://xrl.us/du72

To subscribe to "A Word With You," send a blank email to:
awordwithyou-subscribe@hutchcraft.com

---------------------------------------------------------------------

To find out how you can begin a personal relationship
with Jesus Christ, please call:

1-888-NEED HIM.






===============








A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their
lives studying the grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their
respective governments to allow them to go to the United States to study
the bears in Yellowstone. Finally their request was granted, and they
immediately flew to NY and on West to Yellowstone. They reported to the
ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was
too dangerous to go out and study the animals. They pleaded that this was
their only chance, and finally the ranger relented. The Russian and the Czech
were given portable phones and told to report in every day. For several days
they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists.

The rangers mounted a search party and found the camp completely
ravaged, with no sign of the missing men. They followed the trail of a
male and a female bear. They found the female and decided they must kill the
animal to find out if she had eaten the scientists because they feared an international
incident. They killed the female animal and opened the stomach to find
the remains of the Russian. One ranger turned to the other and said, "You
know what this means, don't you?"

The other ranger responded, "Of course............
The Czech is in the male."
(From Emily)



===============






No, Margaret. No, Richard. It's not about pious appearances,
it's not about talking the religious talk. It's about actually believing
it. It's about walking the walk, even against the intimidating forces
of secular political correctness. MORE: http://xrl.us/dvp8





===============





Join the jollity by sending an e-mail to:
your-bestfriend4u@juno.com
(Place "SUBSCRIBE" in the subject).
(Open To ALL - Even Your Roommate/mom/friend/professor)

You may subscribe ANY friend/family you wish to beguile/regale.
They will be sent a confirmation warning them that smiles are in their future.
(You may remain anonymous if you wish.)




===============







Many people love it when they hear an old song and are instantly taken
back to high school or grade school. It's amazing how songs, TV shows
and movies play such important roles in our lives. As much as critics
denigrate pop culture, it can be a huge force.

If you're a child of the 1960s, '70s or '80s, you'll love today's site.
It has information on all of the songs, TV shows, movies and events
that shaped our lives.

Be warned! It's very easy to spend hours at this site. I found myself
constantly clicking links and screaming, "I remember that!" Of course,
everyone in the building kept running into my office to see if I was
okay. I was--just really excited!

http://www.nostalgiacentral.com/

{Double click on the web address above for additional information:}








===============

Howdy says: "FORWARD TO FRIENDS & YOUR MAMA!"
First Published In Last Century - July 26,1997
Thought For The OPEN Mind - Humor From American Culture

===============







The warden, addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot,
said,

"I would like to know two things. First: Why did you revolt? And second:
How in tarnation did you get out of your cell?"

One of the three men stepped forward,

"Warden, we rebelled because the food is, to put it simply... awful."

"I see. And... just what did you use to break the bars?" the warden
asked.

Replied the spokesman....


"FrenchToast..."








===============








News Flashes just in for the year 2035:

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in seventh largest
country in the world, California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as
California's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States
crops and livestock

Baby conceived naturally . . . Scientists stumped

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual mariage.
(Tks: Jerry)







===============

Guess My Name Game:
http://www.zerotv.com/namegame/index.cfm?game=now

===============




TRIVIA:

The bouillon cube was once a common snack food in early
America. Beef or veal stock was boiled down until it
reached a hard jelly texture. The hard cakes didn't spoil,
and trappers and hunters nibbled on them when tramping
along on long journeys during the 1700s.

***

Lithiated Lemon was the creation of Charles Griggs from
Missouri, who introduced the lemon-lime drink in 1929. Four
years later he renamed it 7-Up. Sales increased significantly.

***

Americans buy an average of 4.6 movie tickets per year.
According to Eurostat, the statistical office of the European
Union, Ireland buys the most of the European countries, with
3.2 tickets a year.

???

Shark

The largest Great White Shark ever caught measured 37 feet
and weighed 24,000 pounds. It was found in a herring weir
in New Brunswick in 1930. The harmless Whale Shark, holds
the title of largest fish, with the record being a 59 footer
captured in Thailand in 1919.

***

Wood

Pine, spruce, or other evergreen wood should never be used
in barbecues. These woods, when burning or smoking, can add
harmful tar and resins to the food. Only hardwoods should be
used for smoking and grilling, such as oak, pecan, hickory,
maple, cherry, alder, apple, or mesquite, depending on the
type of meat being cooked.

***

Sandy Koufax

Over a six-year period (1961-1966), baseball legend Sandy
Koufax was the strikeout king four times, the Cy Young
winner on three occasions, and the National League MVP in
1963. His first name given at birth was Sanford.





===============







Contemporary Latin Phrases

"Domino vobiscum."
(The pizza guy is here.)

"Sharpei diem."
(Seize the wrinkled dog.)

"Nucleo predicus dispella conducticus."
(Remove foil before microwaving.)

"Motorolus interruptus."
(Hold on, I'm going into a tunnel.)

"Revelare Pecunia!"
(Show Me The Money!)

"Ignoramus microsoftis multa pecunia dat."
(Yeah, where DO I want to go today??)

"Sic semper tyrannus."
(Your dinosaur is ill.)

"No Quid Pro Quo."
(I'm Sorry, We're All Out of Quid.)

"Nunc Tutus Exitus Computarus."
(It's Now Safe To Turn Off Your Computer.)

"Veni, Vidi, Velcro"
(I came; I saw; I stuck around.)









===============







There is simply no historic foundation for the position that the
Framers intended to build the 'wall of separation' that was
constitutionalized in Everson. The 'wall of separation be-
tween church and state' is a metaphor based on bad history,
a metaphor which has proved useless as a guide to judging.
It should be frankly and explicitly abandoned.
- - - Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court, William Rehnquist







===============




"After an investment of about $1,000, including building
a 'topper,' his truck became home sweet home..."
http://www.carliving.com/



===============





Address Change

Don't be without 'Thought & Humor' this electrifying autumn season
should your address (college students, military, rich people, etc.)
change. Subscribe your new address:

your-bestfriend4u@juno.com


It's hard to impress the opposite sex without 'Thought & Humor'
combined with moonlight, candlelight dinners, ocean breezes,
and Howdy...






===============









My November Guest

My Sorrow, when she's here with me,
Thinks these dark days of autumn rain
Are beautiful as days can be;
She loves the bare, the withered tree;
She walks the sodden pasture lane.

Her pleasure will not let me stay.
She talks and I am fain to list:
She's glad the birds are gone away,
She's glad her simple worsted grey
Is silver now with clinging mist.

The desolate, deserted trees,
The faded earth, the heavy sky,
The beauties she so truly sees,
She thinks I have no eye for these,
And vexes me for reason why.

Not yesterday I learned to know
The love of bare November days
Before the coming of the snow,
But it were vain to tell her so,
And they are better for her praise.

~Robert Frost









===============




I've changed my mind a dozen times.
It seems to work better now.






===============









If a candle factory burns down, does everyone
just stand around and sing "Happy Birthday?"

Why does our nose run, and our feet smell?

Before I can retaliate, does someone first have to taliate?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

We have mileage, yardage and footage.
Why don't we have inchage?

Are diskettes actually female disks?

If you throw a cat out of a car window, does it become Kitty Litter?

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?

How did a fool and his money GET together?

What's another word for thesaurus?

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?

Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?

What was the BEST thing before sliced bread?

How come the keyboard doesn't have the "cents" sign?

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

Do pilots take crash-courses?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

Are dog biscuits made from collie flour?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

If two out of five people suffer from migraines,
does that mean three people in five enjoy them?

Why do the signs that say "Slow Children"
have a picture of a running child?










===============







A UNC student buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes
to Raleigh to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.
The UNC student says, "I want my $20 million."

The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We
give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread
out for the next 19 years."

The UNC student said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now!
I won it and I want it."

Again, the man explain that he would only get a million
that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

The UNC student, furious with the man, screams out, "Look,
I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20
million right now, then I want my dollar back!"








===============








When Tomorrow Starts Without Me
Author Unknown

When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for awhile,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when i did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,
He said "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you."
Today for life on earth is past,
But here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past.

But you have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true in My Son.
Though there were times you did some things,
You knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you take my hand
And share my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.

Only one life
'twill soon be past.
Only what's done for Christ
will last.
For me to live is Christ
and to die is gain!

[The Lord says,] "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be
dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help
you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."
--Isaiah 41:10









===============







A policeman pulled a car driven by a UNC grad over and told
the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition.
"What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.

"Well, I guess I'm going to get a drivers license," he answered.

"Oh, don't listen to him," said a woman in the passenger seat,
"He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

Then the guy in the backseat said, "I knew we wouldn't get far in
a stolen car."

At that moment there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said,
"Are we over the border yet?"









===============






Depressed, Troubled, Worried???
Big Problems???
Want to talk with a LIVE trained counselor???
Want to get REAL help???
(FREE - English/Spanish)

1-800-633-3446

http://www.needhim.org

(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')




===============







Until recently, soldiers coming home on leave from Iraq were flown into
Germany, Baltimore/Washington International, Dallas/Fort Worth or
Atlanta. Once they were at those airports, they had to pay the rest of
their way to get home--a costly flight.

A Maryland congressman created Operation Hero Miles in response.
It allowed civilians to donate frequent flier miles to be used by
these soldiers. The success of the program and pressure from
American citizens forced the Pentagon to change its policy and
pay for everything.

But your miles are still needed. The miles are used to pay for tickets
for soldiers returning home on emergency leave. They are also used to
fly families of wounded soldiers to U.S. military hospitals.

You can find out more information and how to donate your miles here.

http://www.heromiles.org/


{Double click on the web address above for additional information:}








===============



Someone took this picture of Howdy at work today:




===============









In order to help us guys understand...

The Rules

The female always make the rules.

The rules are subject to change at any
time without prior notification.

No male can possibly know all the rules.

If the female suspects the male knows
the rules she must immediately change
some or all of the rules.

The female is never wrong. !!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If the female is wrong, it is due to a
misunderstanding which was a direct
result of something the male did or
said wrong.

The male must apologize immediately
for causing said misunderstanding.

The female may change her mind at
any time.

The male must never change his mind
without the express written consent of
the female.

The female has every right to be angry
or upset at any time.

The male must remain calm at all times
unless the female wants him to be angry
and/or upset.

The female must, under no circumstances,
let the male know whether or not she wants
him to be angry and/or upset.

The male is expected to mind read at all
times.

The female is ready when she is ready.

The male must be ready at all times








===============









OBSCURE AND UNUSUAL WORDS
*************************

1) drawcansir draw-CAN-suhr (noun)
: a blustering, bragging bully.

From the name of a character in the play The Rehearsal
(1671) by George Villiers (1628-1687), 2nd Duke of
Buckingham. The character was apparently named for his
potvaliant tendencies: Draw can (of liquor). The play
was a satire on poet John Dryden's inflated tragedies
and The character Drawcansir was modeled as a parody of
Almanzor in Dryden's Conquest of Granada. Dryden in turn
lampooned Villiers in a passage in his poem Absalom and
Achitophel (1681)

"The arrogant nephew and his two drawcansir uncles
appeared ..."
Washington Irving; The Widow's Tale; Defiance Democrat
(Ohio); Oct 13, 1855.

2) cadogan kuh-DUG-uhn (noun)
: a lidless teapot, inspired by Chinese wine pots, that
is filled from the bottom.

After William Cadogan, 1st Earl of Cadogan (1675-1726),
who was said to be the first Englishman to own such a
pot.

"Among the Twining teapots is a Matlocks Cadogan from
Yorkshire. It was filled through a hole in the bottom
and emptied right side up."
Jim Weaver; The Twining Teapot Collection; Antiques &
Collecting Magazine (Chicago, Illinois); Apr 2003.










===============






What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck?
- A duck filled fatty puss!






===============








"You may have encountered the writings of St. Augustine if you have
ever taken a class in philosophy, theology, literature, or rhetoric. If you
asked a group of scholars to name those who have been most influential
in Western thought, Augustine's name would inevitably make the short list.
Augustine served as bishop of Hippo (located in present day Algeria),
participated in some of the most crucial theological debates the church
has ever known, and wrote prolifically.

In spite of all his accomplishments, his autobiography, Confessions,
quickly undeceives the reader who may suspect that he walked with his head
in the clouds. Augustine was as human as they come, and throughout his
life he struggled with his flesh. In his early adolescence he famously
prayed, "Grant me chastity and continence, but not yet." (1) He was a
young man with the world at his fingertips. He was a student of rhetoric
who, in his own words, aspired to "honors, money [and] marriage." He
became enamored with a succession of different philosophies. In each new
philosophy (as in each new mistress) he sought the key to the happiness
for which his heart yearned. Yet he writes to God, "In those ambitions I
suffered the bitterest difficulties; that was by your mercy—so much the
greater in that you gave me the less occasion to find sweet pleasure in
what was not you." (2)

Augustine had long been aware of his sin. As a teenager, he and his
friends had stolen an armload of pears from their neighbor's pear tree.
The pears were not tasty and the boys were not hungry. Augustine knew
in his heart that he did it for the sheer pleasure of stealing. As Augustine
matured and discovered again and again the emptiness of all that the world
had to offer (be it wisdom or sensuality), the burden of his guilt weighed
upon him. Augustine, who had become a professor of rhetoric and stood
poised to launch a political career, began paying attention to the sermons
of Bishop Ambrose of Milan. Ambrose helped Augustine resolve any
intellectual reservations he had about the Christian faith. But still,
Augustine struggled with his flesh, unwilling to surrender his passions to
God.

In his conversion narrative, Augustine writes, "The tumult of my heart
took me out into the garden where no one could interfere with the burning
struggle with myself in which I was engaged….I threw myself down somehow
under a certain fig tree, and let my tears flow freely." (3) As he cried
out to God, he heard the voice of a young child chanting "Tolle lege,
tolle lege," which in Latin means "pick up and read." He did not know
what game the child was playing or what they meant by this phrase, but
writes, "I interpreted it solely as a divine command to me to open the
book and read the first chapter I might find." (4) He had been reading
the book of Romans, and when he opened it, the words he read were "Not
in riots and drunken parties, not in eroticism and indecencies, not in strife
and rivalry, but put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the
flesh in its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14). From that moment on, Augustine
committed himself to resisting his own lusts in pursuit of God.

Augustine's writings deal with so many themes it seems impossible to
choose just one to highlight. In the Confessions, however, the theme of
the soul and its delights stands out. Because he had for so long served
so many idols, Augustine realized that his pursuit of pleasure needed to
be completely overhauled. In understanding Augustine, it is vital to
understand that he did not cease pursuing pleasure. He did not become
a joyless prude or a self-righteous ascetic. He became one who realized
that lasting joy can only be found in God, and it is the duty of our whole
life to seek our joy in Him. The moment under the fig tree was not the end
of his search for pleasure; it was the beginning. On the first page of his
Confessions, Augustine sums up the story of his life, saying to God: "You
have made us for yourself, and our hearts are restless until they rest in
thee." Betsy Childs

(1) Augustine, Confessions, Book VIII,17.
(2) Ibid., Book VI, 9.
(3) Ibid., Book VIII, 19-28.
(4) Ibid., Book VIII, 29.

To subscribe, send blank e-mail with the subject 'Subscribe':
slice-subscribe@lists.gospelcom.net


Send any comments for Howdy to:
your-bestfriend4u@juno.com
If published in 'T & H', millions
could see your annotation.





===============



The story is told of a little boy that had wondered away from
his home, not paying attention to where he had wondered to
as he followed his dog until he noticed that his surroundings
were no longer familiar to him. More: http://xrl.us/du8j



===============








I ran into a stranger as he passed by.
"Oh, excuse me please" was my reply.
He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't even watching for you."
We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said good-bye.
But at home a different story is told,
how we treat our loved ones, young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
my daughter stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked her down.
"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.
She walked away, her little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.

While I lay awake in bed,
God's still small voice came to me and said,
"While dealing with a stranger..
common courtesy you use,
but the children you love,
you seem to abuse.
Look on the kitchen floor;
you'll find some flowers there by the door.
Those are the flowers she brought for you.
She picked them herself, pink, yellow and blue.
She stood quietly not to spoil the surprise,
and you never saw the tears in her eyes."
By this time, I felt very small
and now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by her bed;
"Wake up, little girl, wake up," I said.
"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
She smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."
I said, "Daughter, I'm sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."
She said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.
I love you anyway."
I said, "Daughter, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers,
especially the blue."

Are you aware that: If we die tomorrow, the company that
we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of
days. But the family we left behind will feel the loss for
the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour
ourselves more into work than to our family - an unwise
investment indeed. So what is behind the story?
You know what is the full word of family?
FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER, (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU ?








===============







Active presidential campaigning and the use of mementos for advertising did
not begin until the mid eighteen hundreds. One reason was that through
a majority of presidential electors were chosen by state legislatures rather
than by popular vote. A second reason was that it was not considered proper
to openly seek the office of president. After being nominated, most
candidates stayed at home and awaited the results.

It was Andrew Jackson's bitter loss to John Quincy Adams in 1824 that led
him to plan political assaults and win against Adams in 1828 and Henry Clay
in 1832. A few items such as snuff boxes, thread boxes, clothing buttons,
tokens, ribbons, and ceramic plates were made to appeal to the electorate.

1840 is considered the year when campaigns and trinkets really began to
flourish. "Tippecanoe and Tyler Too" was the slogan for William Henry
Harrison and John Tyler, Whigs. Their party generated enthusiastic support
with parades, political rallies, and souvenirs that were intended to get
them elected. The tradition of "Hurrah Campaigns" has diminished over the
years with modern electioneering. Much of the political activity has shifted
toward special interest groups.

The twentieth century brought the age of electronic transmission, first
radio, then television, and now home pages on the Internet. All of these
forums are used to reach the voting public. Media consultants view voters as
members of an audience rather than participants in a process. Gadgets such
as buttons, pins, banners, and posters are not considered to be as valuable
in generating votes . This has led to a decrease in their production. It
will be interesting to watch how future elections are conducted and if broad
based voter participation is ever revived. More: http://xrl.us/du8o









===============




When my Dad was younger, there were no T.V.'s
So he had to tape everything on the VCR until
T.V. was invented!



===============







The Virus

This Monday started like most any day but would end anything but
typical. The Weather Channel forecasted mild atmospheric conditions
(even for November) but unfolding events would soon challenge and
startle mankind as never before.

In an elaborate government building somewhere in Rome, a multitude
of dedicated world renowned computer and technology experts studied
The Virus that had already secretly infected 98% of the planet's computers
in its first stage. Up to this point, none outside this edifice had ascertained
the existence of the silent menace.

In Jerusalem, heavy crowds were milling around The Dome of the Rock,
the third holiest site to Muslims worldwide. On the other side of the
Wall, a larger than expected crowd of Jewish worshipers prayed even
as portions of the wall continued to collapse.

In New York City, the Stock Market opened slightly higher while
down in Washington - Pentagon officials poured their second cup
of Maxwell House Decaf. Further south, the last edition of The
Atlanta Journal was being prepared while further west, parents
turned toward their offices after depositing their children at school.

Work halted temporarily in the government building as the new
dynamic and charismatic leader's entourage entered. He spoke
over the JBL sound system. "Good associates, The Virus is
scheduled to be released as planned in two stages. Stage one as
you know affects all the world's primary computers while the
second will decrease the excess occupiers that have so strained
our fragile environment. Both will begin to take effect within the
hour thanks to your hard work." He will later become Time Magazine's
"Man of the Year".

Unexpected to those in Rome, The Wall in Jerusalem collapses and
thousands of Muslims lose their lives along with hundreds of Jewish
worshipers. The Dome of the Rock along with all nearby buildings of
the Islamic Faith disappear into rubble. Within moments a very great
riot commences with each side blaming the other. Syria (with Iraq's
lost WMD) & Iran ready their hidden nuclear arsenal.

With a new surprising show of unity in Beijing, Hanoi, Jakarta, Tokyo,
Pyongyang, New Delhi along with other Far East capitals, 200 million
multi-asian troops are placed on alert. Moscow prepares its revived
army for an eventual march south....very far south.

Stage one hits Wall Street, the Pentagon, Main Street and homes
across America as well as the entire Western World. Business stops
as all funds - the complete wealth of the Industrialized World - is
transferred by computer virus via the web to Rome. All modern military
weapons are now under the new leader's absolute command as well as
the world's media (Rule of Rome once again).

As the second stage of The Virus is released, millions will become sick
and die with a highly infectious disease stronger that the AIDS & Ebola
viruses combined. Fortunately for some, certain large groups of people
have been quietly immunized earlier. Millions of Christians disappear at
5 PM EST (Midnight in Jerusalem) virtually unnoticed because of the
pandemonium. The controlled media is not allowed to print this story.
The President is declared lost because Air Force One is down over the
Atlantic according to managed reports but did his aircraft ever leave
Andrews Air Force Base? Is this a cover up from Rome to perhaps hide
his evanescence also? Other prominent members of the President's
Party are missing but from the other side? Exiguous.

This disappearance will go virtually unnoticed because of the manipulated
media and its potentate who controls also the world's assets & armaments -
the ultimate coup d' tat - all without a shot being fired. He will woo the planet,
restore peace to the Middle East for a short time with false promises of pro-
tection as well as rebuild a new Jewish Temple on the destroyed site. The
Islamic world will cheer because their faith has expected this great new leader.
With an appearance before nearly all mankind live on all media (TV, radio, &
even computers on-line), men, women, and children are mesmerized. Stay tuned...
(An Ultra Lite Novel by Howdy)


MORE: http://www.lifetalk.net/2ndcoming/ee.html

After The Return of The King:

They shall beat their swords into plowshares,
And their spears into pruning hooks; Nation shall
not lift up sword against nation, Neither shall they
learn war anymore.

Isa 2:4 - Show Context
Mic 4:3 - Show Context







===============


Try to find 11 MANATEES in this picture!
http://users.ixpres.com/~gardner/manateeseleven.htm



===============








"Let every student be plainly instructed and earnestly pressed to consider
well the main end of his life and studies is to know God and Jesus Christ
which is eternal life (John 17:3)."

- - - The Laws and Statutes of Harvard College in 1643


"All scholars shall live religious, godly, and blameless lives according
to the rules of God's Word, diligently reading the Holy Scriptures, the
fountain of light and truth; and constantly attend upon all the duties
of religion, both in public and secret."

- - - Two central requirements in Yale College 1745 charter






===============






===============






Why The U.S.A. Is At War:

http://attacked911.tripod.com/
http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2001/memorial/lists/by-name/

(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')





===============




Archives available:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/howdy_text_only/messages






===============








Two UNC girls were talking to each other
and one couldn't help but notice how pretty
and beautiful the others skin was. So she
asked her outright what made her skin so soft and beautiful.
"Well.. once a week I fill a bathtub up
with milk and just soak in it."

So the UNC student went to a farm and spoke to
the farmer. "I'd like a lot of milk."

"How much?" asked the farmer.

"Well quite a lot because I'm going to soak in it."

He asked, "Pasturized?" "No...just up to my neck."







===============







The Gogh Family

His obnoxious brother........................................Please Gogh
His dizzy aunt ...................................................Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes...............................Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store..Stopn Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia.........................U Gogh
The brother who bleached his clothes white.......Hue Gogh
The cousin from Illinois.......................................Chica Gogh
His magician uncle.............................................Wherediddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin.............................................Amee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half brother.....Grin Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach................Wellsfar Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt................................Tan Gogh
The bird lover uncle...........................................Flamin Gogh
His nephew psychoanalyst................................E Gogh
The fruit loving cousin.......................................Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking...............Wayto Gogh
The little bouncy nephew..................................Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco....................................Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in a van.Winnie Bay Gogh








===============








A musician is hot and tired after the gig, so he pulls
into the 7-11 to get a cold drink. While he's buying
his slurpee, he suddenly realizes that he spaced
out -- the accordion is in the back seat, in full view!

He rushes out of the store... but it's too late. Someone
has already broken the car window.......

....and left another accordion.








===============







'Thought & Humor' - often polemical but
never tasteless/unrefined/uncouth/ribald.







===============




A UNC grad called the fire department.

She screams into the phone, "Hurry, come quick! My house is on fire."

The fire chief replied, "OK, but how do we get to your house?"

The UNC grad said, "Duh, Red Truck!"




===============





Who is Jesus?
http://www.ccci.org/wij/

(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')




===============







1863: Lincoln Declared Thanksgiving Day an Annual Holiday

President Abraham Lincoln declared the last Thursday in November as
the annual national holiday, Thanksgiving Day. The tradition of
Thanksgiving began in the fall of 1621 when William Bradford, a Christian
and governor of Plymouth, invited the neighboring Wampanoag to join the
Pilgrims for a festival celebrating the bounty of the season.

Learn more about the first Thanksgiving:
http://www.plimoth.org/Library/Thanksgiving/thanksgi.htm

{Double click on the web address above for additional information:}







===============





Every second, the Sun fuses about 700 million tons of hydrogen into
helium. In the process, about five million tons of mass are
converted directly into energy, which slowly makes its way out to the
surface where it is radiated into space.

The conversion takes place near the innermost core of the Sun where
the temperature is almost 16 million degrees Celsius (28.8 million
degrees F). There, the same reaction that powers hydrogen bombs
keeps the Sun inflated, preventing it from collapsing.

Our Sun has been burning hydrogen for more than four thousand years,
and it will keep doing so for several more years. As
a "main sequence" star its output is steady and predictable, which is
good for life on its third planet. What an amazing Creator the Sun has.

The anatomy of the Sun:
http://fusedweb.pppl.gov/CPEP/Chart_Pages/5.Plasmas/SunLayers.html







===============






BELIEVING IN THE DREAM OF MARRIAGE
by Kara Schwab

Why is it some people's path to the altar is just a few
footsteps long? Mine felt like a marathon.

http://www.boundless.org/departments/beyond_buddies/a0000961.html

(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')





===============


Dads Who Shoot Straight:
http://xrl.us/dt6h



===============



Seek the Lord while He may be found; call on Him
while He is near. --Isaiah 55:6



===============





"Not being on the air, that's not important. But I'd like
to be in the newsroom helping set the agenda."

Retired CBS Anchorman Walter Cronkite

{Dear Walter, Fair news knows no agenda - Howdy}




===============





Board of Advisors for 'Thought & Humor':

Did you know that 'Thought & Humor' has a distinguished Board of Advisors
that are designed to be a cross section demographically of our readership as far
as age, location, gender, marital status, education & occupation are concerned???

Bill - 50's - FL - Computer Operator for 911 System, V.P. - Archives
Brenda - 50's - TX - University Administor, Married
Caroline - 20's - FL - Married, University Student
David - 50's - NJ - Businessman, Married
Doug - 50's - TN - President of 501(c)(3) Corp, Married
Ellen - 20's - NJ - University Student
Emily - 30's - TN - Banker, Married
Janet - 40's - MI - Married, Former Missionary to Arab Country
Jerry - 80's - CA - Retired Theology Professor, Lobbyist, Author
Jill - 50's - MN - Restaurant Owner, Married
Jim - 40's - NM - Businessman, Married
John - 50's - Peru - Pastor, Married
Katie - 20's - NC - Teacher, Married to UNC Med Student
Laura - 30's - NY - English Teacher
Lisa - 40's - TN - Secretary, Married
Marie - 60's - South Africa - Entrepreneur, Politician
Mamie - 20's - GA - Elementary Teacher
Milton - 19 - GA - College Student
Phil - 50's WI - Handicapped
Rob - 20's - NY - University Administor, Married
Ruth - 50's - CA - Real Estate, Involved in Spanish Ministry
Sarah - 20's - NC - UNC Student, Married
Shirl - 60's - CO - Finance Manager - Married to Minister
Steve - 40's - TX - Married, Computer Hardware Design
Wanda - 40's - Asia - Married - Communist Country

Advisory meetings are held weekly via the internet
and none receive monetary/pecuniary compensation
for their extensive/capacious/voluminous expertise.


===============



Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may
bring forth. --Proverbs 27:1





===============





Marriage is a gamble:
> You start with a pair.
> He shows a diamond.
> She shows a heart.
> Her father has a club.
> His father has a spade.
> There's usually a joker around somewhere,
> but after a while he becomes a king and
> she becomes a queen.
> Then they end up with a full house.





===============








Cats and Dogs

DOG -- These people give me food, clean water, a bed, a house to live in
and unconditional love, they must be really special.

CAT -- These people give me food, clean water, a bed, a house to live in
and unconditional love, I must be really special.









===============


Bible - God's Word to you in different languages...

http://www.scriptures.com/

(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')




===============



Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In
His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope
through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.
--1 Peter 1:3



===============




It's Not Payback Time:
Christians and Politics as Unusual

Since the election, the talking heads have been buzzing with speculation on what
the Christian vote for Bush means and what we Christians believe we can now
expect for our efforts. What are our demands? they ask. Well, as usual, they've
got it backwards.

Evangelicals and conservative Catholics who turned out in great numbers and
voted their moral values were not doing so in order to "get something" from the
administration. Most were doing it because they've agreed with Bush for years
and identify with who he is.

I discovered his keen interest in faith-based solutions when he was governor of
Texas and gave us permission to open the first faith-based prison. He even
dedicated it, singing "Amazing Grace" with the inmates. Last Christmas, he and
Mrs. Bush delivered Angel Tree gifts with us to kids in Alexandria, Virginia.
The first week he was in office Bill Bennett and I went to the White House,
urging him to do something about slavery in Sudan. He acted swiftly and
decisively. We talked to him about sexual trafficking, which the Clinton
administration had refused to touch. He acted, and then he even addressed the
United Nations on the subject. He gave a stirring speech to the American-Jewish
Congress, strangely ignored by the press, affirming that human rights are God-
given. And, at the urging of Franklin Graham and others, he took the lead in
dealing with the AIDS epidemic in Africa.

We also have a consistent record from this president on appointing strict
constructionist judges. And abortion: Jim Dobson and I were with him when
he signed the partial-birth abortion ban. He came out strongly and clearly for
marriage being an institution between one man and one woman, even when
some on the White House staff counseled him not to.

The reason evangelicals and conservative Catholics voted for Bush, I believe, is
because they know he shares many the values of middle America. Thomas Friedman
bemoaned in the NEW YORK TIMES Thursday morning when he said, "I woke up and
realized that these people want a different kind of America." Well, he's right.
We want an America that respects moral truth and moral values, and we reject the
social chaos that results from postmodern relativism.

But I am tired of reading articles about evangelicals voting for Bush because
they want to "get something" from him, and I disassociate myself from anyone
who says, "Now we voted for you, it's payback time. Give us our due." That's what
special interest groups do, and we're not a special interest group. We vote our
conscious and what we believe is in the best general interest: That's called
common grace. We are looking for the godliest leader we can find, who also is
able -- as Jethro advised Moses.

I hope evangelicals will not allow the press to caricature us. They would love
to paint us as special pleaders who are in Bush's pocket, or Bush is in our
pocket. Then they can stereotype us as theocrats and bash us mercilessly, as the
NEW YORK TIMES did in several columns this week. Remember, our allegiance is
to the kingdom of God. The Church is not another special interest group beholden
to anyone's political agenda. To act that way demeans the Church and the Lord of
the Church.

We should take advantage of this time when all the attention is on us -- not to
be playing politics, but to use it as a window of opportunity to stand for and
promote moral truth and selflessly serve society, living out the Gospel in every
area of life. The payback we want is not man's power, but God's favor.

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Heard on more than 1000 radio outlets nationwide,
BreakPoint transcripts are also available on the Internet.

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As you read the Scriptures with your family, I hope
you'll have a new appreciation for who the "Word made
flesh" really is: He's the Creator who existed before time.
He's the Logos Who made heaven and earth, and Who
steers the stars in their courses. He is the Truth that is
ultimate reality. He is the 'Babe of Bethlehem & the
'Word' of John 1. If you know of others who would
enjoy receiving BreakPoint in their E-mail box each
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Send any comments for Howdy to:
your-bestfriend4u@juno.com
If published in 'T & H', millions
could see your annotation.


===============


http://www.buffalosjokes.com/395.jpg


===============



"The Bible is no mere book, but a Living Creature, with a
power that conquers all that oppose it." - Napoleon

"That Book accounts for the supremacy of England."
- Queen Victoria

"In all my perplexities and distresses, the Bible has never failed to
give me light and strength." - Gen. Robert E. Lee

"Bible reading is an education in itself." - Lord Tennyson (Poet)

"The existence of the Bible, as a Book for the people, is the greatest
benefit which the human race has ever experienced. Every attempt to
belittle it is a crime against humanity." - Immanuel Kant (Philosopher)

"The New Testament is the very best Book that ever or ever will be
known in the world." - Charles Dickens (Author)

"All human discoveries seem to be made only for the purpose of
confirming more and more strongly the truths contained in the
Sacred Scriptures." - Sir William Herschel (Astronomer)

"There are more sure marks of authenticity in the Bible than in
any profane history." - Sir Isaac Newton (Scientist)

"Let mental culture go on advancing, let the natural sciences
progress in even greater extent and depth, and the human
mind widen itself as much as it desires; beyond the elevation
and moral culture of Christianity, as it shines forth in the Gospels,
it will not go." - Goethe (Author)

"I have known ninety-five of the world's great men in my time,
and of these eight-seven were followers of the Bible. The Bible
is stamped with a Specialty of Origin, and an immeasurable
distance separates it from all competitors."
- W.E. Gladstone (Prime Minister)

"Whatever merit there is in anything that I have written is simply
due to the fact that when I was a chile my mother daily read me
a part of the Bible and daily made me learn a part of it by heart."
- John Ruskin (art critic and social commentator)

"The Bible has been the Magna Charta of the poor and oppressed.
The human race is not in a position to dispense with it." - Thomas
Huxley (Author & Scientist)





===============





Q: Why is 'Thought & Humor' so long?
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Q: How many people have had opportunity to read 'T & H' E-Mail Newspapers?
A: Well over 1 million + many forwards by you.

Q: Who is Howdy?
A: We let him think he's the boss...









===============




Four important things to KNOW:

1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus,
Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist,
Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned
& fall short of the glory of God.

2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal
separation from God, & damnation) but the Gift (free & at
no charge to you) of God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is
Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in union with) Jesus Christ
(God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah, Prince of
Peace & Savior of the World).

3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world
(Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist,
Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians,
Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up
His only begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone,
anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes (trust in,
relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall
have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven).

4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE.
No one (male/female - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic,
Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist,
Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives)
to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through)
ME (no other name).

This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - -
(Rev. 3:20)

{Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good
things, etc. are not requirements for becoming a Christian -
however they are great afterwards!!!}


Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that
leads to destruction (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment),
and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow
the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness,
forever with God), and only a few find it. --Matthew 7:13-14

Send any comments for Howdy to:
your-bestfriend4u@juno.com
If published in 'T & H', millions
could see your annotation.



++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The "E-Mail Newspaper" containing 'Thought & Humor'
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was sent to you because you made the request, 'Thought
& Humor' is one small attempt to obey "The Great* Com-
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Soli Deo Gloria...
________ "E-Mail Newspaper (Free4u)" _________
References gleaned for great humor & information: Merry Heart,
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Kim Komando, Shagmail, MIKEY'S FUNNIES , The Daily Tease,
Crosswalk.com, humorcartoons@arcamax.com & Gophercentral.
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Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.


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But indeed for this purpose I have raised you up,
that I may show My power in you, and that My
Name may be declared in all the earth. Ex 9:16




===============

WORD-MATCH
ANSWER KEY

1. acclamation F. An enthusiastic expression of approval
2. blatherskite H. Somebody who likes to chat about silly things
3. Anacreontic D. Celebrating love and drinking
4. embrangle J. To embroil or entangle
5. schlock E. Cheap, inferior, or shoddy.
6. thersitical A. Foulmouthed; scurrilous
7. garth C. A small yard surrounded by a cloister
8. tommyrot G. Nonsense; foolishness
9. frag B. To kill by throwing a grenade
10. heteroclite I. Deviating from the ordinary rule


QUIZ ANSWERS

1. omnipotent
2. fortuitous
3. verisimilitude
4. pertinent
5. conducive
6. prolific
7. vicissitude
8. obsequious
9. euphemism







===============


ANSWERS TO RIDDLES:

1) Umbrella
2) He is playing a game of Monopoly.
3) Mother/Mom
4) A private, late on parade,
Carelessly shouldered a spade.
Cried sarge: "Stand at ease,
Present arms, if you please.
Private Glass has a new kind of blade!"



===============



Dear Friends,

Goodbye for now with jocundness for both you
& your dynasty & an enkindling autumn pulchritude!!!

Your Amigo, Confrere & Sidekick,
Howdy
(probably spurious)


P.S. For awhile we laughed
For awhile we shared
For awhile we talked
For awhile we cared
Forever we'll be friends.....
It's not goodbye for good...
It's just a little so long for now.



+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++




Forward this newspaper to four
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friends. Send this to all the people
you know (or ever knew), and you
will gain 7 new friends. If you delete
this message, you will lose your best
friend immediately.

That's why I had to pass this on --
I didn't want to risk it. Howdy


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