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By Dr. Howdy, Ph.D.
A.P.E., N.U.T.

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Humor + Letters From Readers
Add Something Yourself



Q: Why did the UNC student eat the candle?
A: She needed a light refreshment.

A student in Belle, West Virginia, was suspended for three days
for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann
reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy...not to be confused
with the "zero intelligence" policy...
~ Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
~ Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
~ Does your life shed light or cast a shadow?
~ Don't let school interfere with your education.
~ Don't let the diapers fool you. I'm the boss around here!
~ Don't make fun of children or the elderly - they are your past and future.
~ Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child
playing with matches.
~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and
start bragging about it.
~ Ever wonder why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
~ ~ Familiarity breeds children.
~ Give God what is right, not what is left.
~ God loves us not according to how we do but according to who God is.
~ He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
~ He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a
~ Honor is a gift a man gives himself. (A woman, too, of course...)
~ How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
~ I considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays.
~ I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow
man, and I just HATE people like that.
~ I must have money...I still have checks in my checkbook.
~ I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want
to move in with them.
~ I wonder if Dracula ever had ticks.
~ I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something
~ I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
~ I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
~ If brains were taxed, she'd get a rebate.
~ If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of Progress?
~ If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
~ If he says that you are too good for him, believe it.
~ If I melted dry ice, could I swim in it and not get wet?
~ If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on my
~ "If I'd known I was going to live this long, I would have stopped eating
~ If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
~ If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
~ If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at
~ If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
~ If you're in a car going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on
the headlights?
~ In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
~ It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared rabbit.
Maybe it was like an angry rabbit, who was running to go fight in another
fight, away from the first fight.
~ It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
~ Just BEFORE someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their
~ Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
~ Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments
that take our breath away.
~ Man's way leads to a hopeless end...God's way leads to an endless hope.
~ Many girls like to marry a military man...he can cook, sew, and make beds
and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.
~ My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp
as it used to be.
~ Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
~ On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the
~ On your mark...get set...go away!
~ Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
~ Opportunity knocks but once; temptation leans on the doorbell.
~ Our days are happier when we give people a bit of our heart rather than a
piece of our mind.
~ Procrastinate Now!
~ Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
~ She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
~ Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
~ Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell your storm how big
your God is.
~ Tell me, where is this "bright side" that you speak of?
~ The distance between the ticket counter and your plane is directly
proportional to the weight of what you are carrying and inversely
proportional to the time remaining before takeoff.
~ The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
~ The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
~ The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be
caught dead in otherwise.
~ The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
~ The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
~ The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size
~ The grace of God is the mending glue for broken hearts.
~ There are only two kinds of people in the world: Those who wake up in the
morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and those who wake up in the morning
and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
~ There's always a lot to be thankful for, if you take time to look for it.
For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't
~ These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast
~ Things today are a lot like they used to be back in the day when things
were different than they are now.
~ Those who get too big for their breeches will be exposed in the end.
~ Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt
that he forgets his sugar.
~ What level of importance must a person have, before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?
~ When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
~ When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when
they try to decide which one.
~ When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?
~ When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
~ When you open a new bag of cotton balls, do you throw the top one away?
~ Where there's a will, there's a lawsuit.
~ Which is worse: Ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?
~ Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back
or further steps will be taken.
~ Wrinkled was not one of the things i wanted to be when I grew up.
~ You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you
stop laughing.
~ You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.
~ You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only
thing you care to exercise.
~ You may be addicted to Narnia if you randomly knock on the backs of
closets...just in case.
Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)

A backwards poet writes inverse.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I'll show you a
flat minor.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in
Linoleum Blownapart.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small
medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought
she'd dye.



President Bush has delivered his fifth annual “State of the Union” address, with – as expected – mixed reviews. No one expected the Democrat Liberals to like it – the party of Kennedy and Kerry (two of the wealthiest Senators) doesn’t like anything the president says or does. And they were particularly irked by the confirmation of Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito, after their blatant attempts at character assassination failed. But even the ostensibly Conservative columnist Robert Novak wrote, “The consensus on the right was that President Bush’s fifth State of the Union Address was his worst.” And Novak is pretty much correct. There wasn’t much in the president’s speech to encourage Conservatives in our desire for restraint in government growth and spending, and for addressing our domestic problems which seem to be ignored by the heavy emphasis on foreign issues where we appear to be moving toward allowing members of the UN to dictate our course of action. The president’s party is supposedly in power, but it seems almost fearful of offending the likes of Kennedy, Kerry, Pelosi, Murtha and Cindy Sheehan, all of whom are fostering an anti-America agenda which can only have disastrous results.

It just may be that we Evangelical Conservative Christians are going to have to go-it-alone, and use the influence which our membership in the millions makes available to us. After all, it is we as American voters who elect the politicians who run this country both at the state and national level. We have a voice in government, and we must no longer let it be muted. Just consider: assume that there are 40 million Evangelicals in this country. It isn’t reasonable to think that 1 out of 2 . . . or 1 out of 10 . . . or 1 out of 25 would be willing to speak up for what we believe. But suppose that just 1 out of 40 would be willing to make just one phone call or send just one email message to their Senators and their Representative. The effect of one million voters contacting their elected representatives in Washington could change the direction of this nation now and well into the future. We have given the phone number before: 1 (202) 224-3121. Ask the operator for your Senator or Representative . . . and tell them what you want them to do. Remember: they are there because we elected them. If they want to stay, they must represent us and the causes in which we believe.

What applies to the national political scene applies also to the local state political scene. You can have even more influence right there at home. So don’t overlook the state politicians.

What is that we want? This nation was founded on Judeo-Christian principles by men who made no secret of their religious convictions. Patrick Henry, for example, stated the foundational premise very clearly, “It can not be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians, not on religions, but on the gospel of Jesus Christ.” For more than a century this was the prevailing viewpoint for America and Americans, but then the “progress” – now so strongly touted by people like Senators Kennedy and Kerry and Representative Pelosi and Democrat Chairman Howard Dean – began to tear down the principles which had made America great. “Separation of church and state” – a concept never mentioned or implied in the Constitution – opened the doors to fulfill the atheists’ goal of eliminating God from the American way of life . . . Abortion (a practice condemned by God) was legalized, and already some 47 million babies have been legally murdered by their mother’s “choice” . . . Sodomy (another practice condemned by God) was legalized, on the basis of a principle not mentioned or implied in the Constitution . . . now the courts, with judges legislating from the bench, have become part of the Liberals’ “progress” movement and are endorsing homosexuality and legalizing homosexual marriage; again, practices condemned by God.

These violations of moral law are just the proverbial “tip of the iceberg,” but they are the basis for our cry to “restore the old foundations.”

But beyond these serious attacks on America’s Christian heritage, there are other elements in our national way of life which need our attention as American Christians. One tremendously important issue is illegal immigration – the problem of people from another country entering this country in violation of our laws, and living here illegally, costing American taxpayers billions of dollars in providing benefits for them and their children, who, because they are born here, are legally American citizens. This problem has now become one involving literally millions of illegals, and despite all the promises of government to address it, nothing gets done, and the problem continues to grow.

The discovery during the past few weeks of sophisticated tunnels originating in Mexico and extending into Southern California may have awakened Americans to the danger not only of increased illegal entries, but also of easy importation of drugs, and convenient access to anti-American terrorists. Thus, while this is not a religious doctrinal issue, it is an issue which demands the attention of American Christians. This is not an easy issue to resolve, but it is one which must be faced and dealt with – sooner, far better than later. Those who advocate a solution involving the concept of amnesty must remember that borders secure against all forms of incursion cannot be maintained if we attempt to reward lawbreakers who are already illegally present in this country. Yet that is exactly what the Liberals want to do, and preventing them from achieving that goal is step one in the task of solving the illegal immigration problem.

Another issue of major importance is what President Bush called our addiction to oil. Much of our imported oil comes from countries already aligned against us, yet every effort to meet our needs from domestic sources – offshore drilling and tapping the sources in ANWR (Arctic National Wildlife Reserve) -- are constantly thwarted by Liberals and Environmentalists whose protective reasoning borders on the ludicrous. They seem more eager to trust our oil supply to Arab countries of the Middle East and to Communist dictators like President Chavez of Venezuela. This, too, is not an easy issue to resolve, but is an urgent one, with effects from failure to solve it touching all Americans.

Being an American has never been easy, and it is not easy today. Being a Christian American is much less easy today than it was when this nation was founded. There are challenges facing us, both of a purely spiritual nature, and of a national “what’s best for America” nature. We can bury our heads in ideological sand and retreat to the ivory towers of fading church significance – or we can speak out and let our voices be heard and reclaim America for the purposes our founding fathers intended.

Quotation of the week . . . the week in which Ronald Reagan’s birthday occurs . . . “The churches of America do not exist by the grace of the state … the churches of America are not mere citizens of the state. The churches of America exist apart, they have their own vantage point, their own authority. Religion is its own realm, it makes its own claims. We establish no religion in this country, or will we ever. We command no worship. We mandate no belief. But we poison our society when we remove its theological underpinnings. We court corruption when we leave it bereft of belief… The Founding Fathers believed that faith in God was the key to our being a good people and America’s becoming a great nation.” -- President Ronald Reagan

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Religion Comparison

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Music That Ho Enjoys

God Bless America - Kate Smith

Military Music

Boston Pops: God Bless America

This Land Is Your Land

Blue Moon

Say A Prayer

Hawaii Five O


The Battle Of New Orleans

Beverly Hillbillies

Indiana Jones

James Bond



Mission Impossible

Peter Gunn


Singing In The Rain

Star Wars

Top Gun

Peggy Sue



Chuck Berry

Rock Around The Clock

Dueling Guitars

Blueberry Hill

A Taste Of Honey - clip

(I Left My Heart) In San Francisco - clip

Take The 'A' Train - clip

Hello, Dolly! - clip

Peggy Sue - clip

Theme From Peter Gunn - clip

Song from Moulin Rouge


Ebb Tide

Tara's Theme from Gone with the Wind

Around the World in 80 Days

Breakfast at Tiffany's


The Way We Were

You Do Something to Me



A Foggy Day



Arrivederci Roma

Theme from Moulin Rouge II

Stardust - Big Band



Rhapsody in Blue

Sleepy Lagoon

My Foolish Heart

Lisbon Antigua

La Mer

April in Portugal

Because of You

Poor People of Paris

Unchained Melody

Stranger on the Shore


Maple Leaf Rag

Voices of Spring

Emperor Waltz

Radetzky March

Water Music (Excerpt) George Frideric Handel

Finale - William Tell Overture

Overture - My Fair Lady

The Rain in Spain

The Lonely Bull - Herb Alpert

Tijuana Taxi - Herb Alpert

The Happy Whistler

So Rare

Mona Lisa

Ghost Riders in the Sky

Walk, Don't Run

Wonderland by Night

Canadian Sunset

Blue Tango

The Happy Wanderer

Down Yonder

Midnight in Moscow

Crazy Medley


That's for Me

Quiet Village

Harbor Lights

Dueling Banjoes II

Autumn Leaves

My Foolish Heart

Don't Know Much






Close To You

Rainy Days & Mondays

Sing A Song

Yesterday Once More

We've Only Just Begun

Goodbye To Love

Only You

As Time Goes By

As Time Goes By II

As Time Goes By - Original

After Loving

San Francisco

Stranger In Paradise

Mrs. Howdy

Rags To Riches

The Good Life

Hello Dolly

All Of Me

Thank Heaven For Little Girls

Beyond The Sea

Everybody Loves

Return To Me

That's Amore

Autumn Leaves

Love Me With All Your Heart

If I Give My Heart To You

Autumn Leaves II

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See The USA

My Prayer

You Always Hurt

Take Me Out To The Ballgame

Love Me Tender

Its Now Or Never

Old Shep

Dont Be Cruel

When I Fall In Love

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When I Fall In Love III

A Fool Such As I

You'll Never Know


I'm Yours

Wish You Were Here

Lady Of Spain


It's Magic

Secret Love

This Magic Moment

My Prayer

Twilight Time

Great Pretender

Harbor Lights

Little Darlin'


No Other Love

Magic Moments

Till The End Of Time

Dont Let The Stars

Overture - Barber of Seville

Back In The Saddle

You Always Hurt

When I Fall

When A Man

True Love



In The Mood

A Taste Of Honey

The Lonely Bull

Lollipops And Roses

This Guys In Love With You

What Now My Love

Three Coins In The Fountain

You've Gotta Have Heart


Stranger In Paradise II

Love Is...


Georgia On My Mind

Sentimental Over You

Thanks For The Memories

Too Young


Never On Sunday

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My Little Corner

Speak Low

Moments To Remember


Be My Love

Embassy Waltz


A Certain Smile

Chances Are

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Stranger On The Shore

I'll Be Seeing You

Cherry Pink


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Last Date

Naughty Lady

Til I Kissed You

All I Have To Do Is Dream

Dixie Land Band

Ghost Riders In The Sky

The Happy Wanderer


Santa Catalina

Band Of Gold

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The Wayward Wind

P.S. I Love You

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Ebb Tide

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Green Door

My Heart Cries

Down Yonder

Silvana Mangano Anna

Does Your Chewing Gum?

Grand Night For Singing

Purple People Eater

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I'll Get By

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Katie At UNC

Love Letters

As Time Goes By

Cheek To Cheek

Mission Impossible

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Glad To Be An American

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How Great Thou Art

Have Thine Own Way

Beyond The Sunset

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He's Got The Whole World

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Sixteen Tons

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Only The Lonely


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I Walk The Line

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Verse of the Day

* * * Four important things to KNOW: #1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned & fall short of the glory of God. #2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal separation from God, & damnation) but the Gift (free & at no charge to you) of God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in union with) Jesus Christ (God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah, Prince of Peace & Savior of the World). #3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone, anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes (trust in, relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven). #4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE. No one (male/female - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist, Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives) to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through) ME (no other name). *** This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - - (Rev. 3:20) {Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good things, etc. are not requirements for becoming a Christian - however they are great afterwards!!!} *** Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment), and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness, forever with God), and only a few find it.

D I S C L A I M E R If someone should ask if it's legal to download songs
found on various non-commercial sites, such as this one.

Well, I'm neither a lawyer nor a technician,
and I've begun to wonder if it was legal for
us to tape music off the radio back when
tape recorders first came into being.

And were we committing a crime when we recorded
a movie shown on TV with our VCRs? And was it
really legal to buy a dual-deck recorder for the
express purpose of duplicating cassettes?

My answer to all of the above is, "I don't know."

Nonetheless, here is a formal statement in
some kind of legalize that appears to apply
to this kind of file availability:

The songs on this site are copyrighted by their respective artists and are placed here
for evaluation purposes only. No profits or sales are made on this site from their use.

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