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The E.Newspaper By Dr. Howdy, Ph.D. A.P.E., N.U.T.
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Legend has it that there is a coffee bar in Raleigh where, in the Ladies Room there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie ---*poof*------- you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again. Soooooo....
A Wake Forest student of questionable looks walks into the ladies room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world."
*Poof* the mirror swallows her up.
Next a rather large Duke student stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the sexiest woman alive". *Poof* the mirror swallows her.
Then, a UNC student comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think...". *Poof*
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VENI, VIDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
Physicist Gary Thomas of the University of Colorado's Lab >for Atmospheric and Space Physics says mysterious ice >clouds that have recently surfaced over parts of America >are confounding scientists. Strangely, the frigid air masses seem to appear wherever Senator Clinton is.
There was a UNC student who was sick and tired of being ridiculed for attending UNC, so she decided to fix it by wearing a red N.C. State hat.
Later, she was driving along a country road between Chapel Hill & Raleigh when she saw a shepherd with his flock.
She decided to see if she could pass as a N.C. State student and if she did indeed get any smarter.
She pulled over to the side of the road and asked the shepherd if she could guess how many sheep he had she could have one.
The shepherd thought this was an unusual request, but he agreed. The UNC student thought about it for a minute and said, "one hundred and fifty." The shepherd said she was right and that she could pick a sheep to take home.
She did and as she was putting it into the trunk of the car, the shepherd stopped her and said, "If I can guess your real school, can I have my dog back?"
The tallest island is New Guinea, in the southwest Pacific just north of Australia. Its highest point is the top of Mount Djaja, at 5030 meters (16,503 feet). New Guinea wins the title hands down, towering 825 meters above the next tallest island, Hawaii.
New Guinea is not only the world's tallest island, it is also the second largest (Greenland is larger), measuring 885,780 square kilometers (342,000 square miles). It is mostly covered with lush tropical rainforest containing almost 9000 species of plants and 700 species of birds.
New Guinea also is the most linguistically diverse area on Earth. Over 700 languages are still spoken by the native Melanesians, Papuans, and Negritos. In some remote sections of the interior, headhunting and cannibalism are still practiced.
Cartoon Physics ------------------------------------ LAW 1: Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. For example, Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of gravity acceleration at 9.8m/sec^2 (32 feet per second per second) takes over.
LAW 2: Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon, or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an oversized boulder will retard their motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion "the stooge's surcease."
LAW 3: Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the specialty of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of the reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
LAW 4: The time required for an object to fall 20 stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down 20 flights of stairs to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably priceless, and the attempt to capture it is inevitably unsuccessful.
LAW 5: All principles of gravity are negated by fear. Psychic forces are sufficient in most cases for a shock to propel them directly away from the earth's surface. A spooky noise or an adversary's signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to the cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or a crest of a flagpole. The feet of the character who is running or the wheels of a speeding auto need never touch the ground, especially in flight.
LAW 6: As speed icreases, objects can be in several places at once. This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation at several places simultaneously. This effect is common among bodies that are spinning or being throttled. A "Wacky" character has the option of self-replication only at manic high speeds and may ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity required.
LAW 7: Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space. The painter is flattened against the wall when they attempt to follow into the painting. This is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.
LAW 8: Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent. Cartoon cats possess even more deaths that the additional nine lives might comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced, splayed, accordian-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self-pity, they re-inflate, elongate, snap back, or solidify. COROLLARY: A cat will assume the shape of its container.
LAW 9: Everything falls faster than an anvil.
LAW 10: For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance. This is the one law of animation cartoon motion that also applies to the physical world at large. For that reason, we need the relief of watching it happen to a duck instead.
--Tex Ritter - January 2, 1974 Born January 12, 1905 Country music singer and songwriter. Although he began law school at Northwestern University, he left to take up a career as a folksinger. By 1930 he had his first role on Broadway, made his first film in 1936, and during the 1930s he appeared in more Broadway musicals and began to record cowboy songs. During 1936-45 he appeared in 60 Hollywood Westerns as a singing cowboy, becoming known as 'America's Most Beloved Cowboy'. As his film popularity declined, he toured in live shows with his horse, White Flash, and continued his recording career. His several hit singles included the title song for the film "High Noon" and in the 1950s he hosted a radio dance show. He moved to Nashville to join the 'Grand Ole Opry' in 1965. In 1970 he was unsuccessful in his bid for the Republican nomination for US senator from Tennessee. He is also the father of the late actor John Ritter.