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The E.Newspaper
By Dr. Howdy, Ph.D.
A.P.E., N.U.T.

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Humor + Letters From Readers
Add Something Yourself



Legend has it that there is a coffee bar in Raleigh where, in the Ladies
Room there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror
and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie
---*poof*------- you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to
be seen again. Soooooo....

A Wake Forest student of questionable looks walks into the ladies room
and stands
before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful
woman in the world."

*Poof* the mirror swallows her up.

Next a rather large Duke student stands before the mirror and says,
think I'm the sexiest woman alive". *Poof* the mirror swallows her.

Then, a UNC student comes in and stands before the mirror
and says, "I think...". *Poof*

VENI, VIDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
Physicist Gary Thomas of the University of Colorado's Lab
>for Atmospheric and Space Physics says mysterious ice
>clouds that have recently surfaced over parts of America
>are confounding scientists.
Strangely, the frigid air masses seem to appear
wherever Senator Clinton is.
There was a UNC student who was sick and tired of being ridiculed for
attending UNC, so she decided to fix it by wearing a red N.C. State hat.

Later, she was driving along a country road between Chapel Hill & Raleigh
when she saw a shepherd with his flock.

She decided to see if she could pass as a N.C. State student and if she
did indeed get any smarter.

She pulled over to the side of the road and asked the shepherd if she
could guess how many sheep he had she could have one.

The shepherd thought this was an unusual request, but he agreed.
The UNC student thought about it for a minute and said, "one hundred and fifty."
The shepherd said she was right and that she could pick a sheep to take home.

She did and as she was putting it into the trunk of the car, the shepherd
stopped her and said, "If I can guess your real school, can I have my dog back?"

1) horripilation haw rippi laysh'n (noun)
: the standing on end of somebody's hair, e.g., because
of fear or cold

Mid-17th century. From the late Latin stem horripilation-,
from, ultimately, Latin horripilare "to become hairy,"
from horrere "to stand on end" + pilus "hair."

2) tawdry tawdree (adjective)
: gaudy, cheap in appearance, and of inferior quality

Early 17th century. Shortening of tawdry lace, an alter-
ation of St. Audrey's lace.
Do you need some humor in your life???

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& Award Winning Humor w/o
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Bookmark these sites...
The tallest island is New Guinea, in the southwest Pacific just north
of Australia. Its highest point is the top of Mount Djaja, at 5030
meters (16,503 feet). New Guinea wins the title hands down, towering
825 meters above the next tallest island, Hawaii.

New Guinea is not only the world's tallest island, it is also the
second largest (Greenland is larger), measuring 885,780 square
kilometers (342,000 square miles). It is mostly covered with lush
tropical rainforest containing almost 9000 species of plants and 700 species of birds.

New Guinea also is the most linguistically diverse area on Earth.
Over 700 languages are still spoken by the native Melanesians,
Papuans, and Negritos. In some remote sections of the interior,
headhunting and cannibalism are still practiced.
Cartoon Physics
LAW 1: Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made
aware of its situation. For example, Daffy Duck steps off a cliff,
expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing
flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the
familiar principle of gravity acceleration at 9.8m/sec^2 (32 feet
per second per second) takes over.

LAW 2: Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid
matter intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon, or in hot
pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their
momentum that only a telephone pole or an oversized boulder will
retard their motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this
sudden termination of motion "the stooge's surcease."

LAW 3: Any body passing through solid matter will leave a
perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the
silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the specialty of victims of
directed-pressure explosions and of the reckless cowards who are so
eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a
cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often
catalyzes this reaction.

LAW 4: The time required for an object to fall 20 stories is
greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it
off the ledge to spiral down 20 flights of stairs to attempt to capture
it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably priceless, and the attempt to capture
it is inevitably unsuccessful.

LAW 5: All principles of gravity are negated by fear. Psychic
forces are sufficient in most cases for a shock to propel them
directly away from the earth's surface. A spooky noise or an
adversary's signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to
the cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or a crest of a flagpole.
The feet of the character who is running or the wheels of a
speeding auto need never touch the ground, especially in flight.

LAW 6: As speed icreases, objects can be in several places at once.
This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a
character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation
at several places simultaneously. This effect is common among
bodies that are spinning or being throttled. A "Wacky" character
has the option of self-replication only at manic high speeds and
may ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity required.

LAW 7: Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to
resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil
inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known
that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick an
opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space.
The painter is flattened against the wall when they attempt to
follow into the painting. This is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.

LAW 8: Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent.
Cartoon cats possess even more deaths that the additional nine
lives might comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced, splayed,
accordian-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be
destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self-pity, they
re-inflate, elongate, snap back, or solidify. COROLLARY: A cat will
assume the shape of its container.

LAW 9: Everything falls faster than an anvil.

LAW 10: For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite
revengeance. This is the one law of animation cartoon motion that
also applies to the physical world at large. For that reason, we
need the relief of watching it happen to a duck instead.
--Tex Ritter - January 2, 1974
Born January 12, 1905
Country music singer and songwriter. Although he began law
school at Northwestern University, he left to take up a
career as a folksinger. By 1930 he had his first role on
Broadway, made his first film in 1936, and during the 1930s
he appeared in more Broadway musicals and began to record
cowboy songs. During 1936-45 he appeared in 60 Hollywood
Westerns as a singing cowboy, becoming known as 'America's
Most Beloved Cowboy'. As his film popularity declined, he
toured in live shows with his horse, White Flash, and
continued his recording career. His several hit singles
included the title song for the film "High Noon" and in the
1950s he hosted a radio dance show. He moved to Nashville
to join the 'Grand Ole Opry' in 1965. In 1970 he was
unsuccessful in his bid for the Republican nomination for US
senator from Tennessee. He is also the father of the late
actor John Ritter.
Dear Howdy,

I received this today . . . you probably have already seen it, and maybe used it . . . but it might be of interest at least to Americans.

A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked
her class to look at TV commercials and see if they
could use them in some way to communicate ideas about God.

Here are some of the results: (scroll down.)

God is like..

He works miracles.

God is like...
He's got a better idea.

God is like...
He's the real thing.

(This is great)

God is like..
He cares enough to send His very best.

God is like...
He gets the stains out that others leave behind.

God is like...
He brings good things to life.

God is like...
He has everything.

God is like...
Try him, you'll like Him.

God is like...
You can't see him, but you know He's there.

God is like..
He's ready when you are.

God is like...
You're in good hands with Him.

God is like...
VO-5 Hair Spray
He holds through all kinds of weather.

God is like...
Aren't you glad you have Him? Don't you wish
everybody did?

(that one is my favorite)

God is like...
Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep
Him from His appointed destination.

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Why The U.S.A. Is At War - 1

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Music That Ho Enjoys

God Bless America - Kate Smith

Military Music

Boston Pops: God Bless America

This Land Is Your Land

Blue Moon

Say A Prayer

Hawaii Five O


The Battle Of New Orleans

Beverly Hillbillies

Indiana Jones

James Bond



Mission Impossible

Peter Gunn


Singing In The Rain

Star Wars

Top Gun

Peggy Sue



Chuck Berry

Rock Around The Clock

Dueling Guitars

Blueberry Hill

A Taste Of Honey - clip

(I Left My Heart) In San Francisco - clip

Take The 'A' Train - clip

Hello, Dolly! - clip

Peggy Sue - clip

Theme From Peter Gunn - clip

Song from Moulin Rouge


Ebb Tide

Tara's Theme from Gone with the Wind

Around the World in 80 Days

Breakfast at Tiffany's


The Way We Were

You Do Something to Me



A Foggy Day



Arrivederci Roma

Theme from Moulin Rouge II

Stardust - Big Band



Rhapsody in Blue

Sleepy Lagoon

My Foolish Heart

Lisbon Antigua

La Mer

April in Portugal

Because of You

Poor People of Paris

Unchained Melody

Stranger on the Shore


Maple Leaf Rag

Voices of Spring

Emperor Waltz

Radetzky March

Water Music (Excerpt) George Frideric Handel

Finale - William Tell Overture

Overture - My Fair Lady

The Rain in Spain

The Lonely Bull - Herb Alpert

Tijuana Taxi - Herb Alpert

The Happy Whistler

So Rare

Mona Lisa

Ghost Riders in the Sky

Walk, Don't Run

Wonderland by Night

Canadian Sunset

Blue Tango

The Happy Wanderer

Down Yonder

Midnight in Moscow

Crazy Medley


That's for Me

Quiet Village

Harbor Lights

Dueling Banjoes II

Autumn Leaves

My Foolish Heart

Don't Know Much






Close To You

Rainy Days & Mondays

Sing A Song

Yesterday Once More

We've Only Just Begun

Goodbye To Love

Only You

As Time Goes By

As Time Goes By II

As Time Goes By - Original

After Loving

San Francisco

Stranger In Paradise

Mrs. Howdy

Rags To Riches

The Good Life

Hello Dolly

All Of Me

Thank Heaven For Little Girls

Beyond The Sea

Everybody Loves

Return To Me

That's Amore

Autumn Leaves

Love Me With All Your Heart

If I Give My Heart To You

Autumn Leaves II

Autumn Leaves III

See The USA

My Prayer

You Always Hurt

Take Me Out To The Ballgame

Love Me Tender

Its Now Or Never

Old Shep

Dont Be Cruel

When I Fall In Love

When I Fall In Love II

When I Fall In Love III

A Fool Such As I

You'll Never Know


I'm Yours

Wish You Were Here

Lady Of Spain


It's Magic

Secret Love

This Magic Moment

My Prayer

Twilight Time

Great Pretender

Harbor Lights

Little Darlin'


No Other Love

Magic Moments

Till The End Of Time

Dont Let The Stars

Overture - Barber of Seville

Back In The Saddle

You Always Hurt

When I Fall

When A Man

True Love



In The Mood

A Taste Of Honey

The Lonely Bull

Lollipops And Roses

This Guys In Love With You

What Now My Love

Three Coins In The Fountain

You've Gotta Have Heart


Stranger In Paradise II

Love Is...


Georgia On My Mind

Sentimental Over You

Thanks For The Memories

Too Young


Never On Sunday

Yellow Rose Of Texas


My Little Corner

Speak Low

Moments To Remember


Be My Love

Embassy Waltz


A Certain Smile

Chances Are

Not For Me To Say

Stranger On The Shore

I'll Be Seeing You

Cherry Pink


Moonlight Serenade

Last Date

Naughty Lady

Til I Kissed You

All I Have To Do Is Dream

Dixie Land Band

Ghost Riders In The Sky

The Happy Wanderer


Santa Catalina

Band Of Gold

Auld Lang Syne

The Wayward Wind

P.S. I Love You

Harbor Lights

Ebb Tide

Lime Light

Green Door

My Heart Cries

Down Yonder

Silvana Mangano Anna

Does Your Chewing Gum?

Grand Night For Singing

Purple People Eater

Orange Blossom Special

I'll Get By

'Til Then

Katie At UNC

Love Letters

As Time Goes By

Cheek To Cheek

Mission Impossible

The Way You Look Tonight


Glad To Be An American

Battle Hymn Of The Republic

How Great Thou Art

Have Thine Own Way

Beyond The Sunset

Amazing Grace

He's Got The Whole World

Peace In The Valley

How Great Thou Art II

Stars & Stripes Forever

Tennessee Waltz

Beverly Hillbillies Theme

El Paso

Happy Trails

Big John

Sixteen Tons

Which Doctor?

Wonderful! Wonderful!



The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Mr. Sandman

Bad Leroy

Only The Lonely


Magnificent 7

Magnificent 7 - II


I Walk The Line

God loves you so much that He died for you!!!


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Verse of the Day

* * * Four important things to KNOW: #1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned & fall short of the glory of God. #2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal separation from God, & damnation) but the Gift (free & at no charge to you) of God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in union with) Jesus Christ (God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah, Prince of Peace & Savior of the World). #3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone, anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes (trust in, relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven). #4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE. No one (male/female - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist, Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives) to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through) ME (no other name). *** This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - - (Rev. 3:20) {Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good things, etc. are not requirements for becoming a Christian - however they are great afterwards!!!} *** Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment), and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness, forever with God), and only a few find it.

D I S C L A I M E R If someone should ask if it's legal to download songs
found on various non-commercial sites, such as this one.

Well, I'm neither a lawyer nor a technician,
and I've begun to wonder if it was legal for
us to tape music off the radio back when
tape recorders first came into being.

And were we committing a crime when we recorded
a movie shown on TV with our VCRs? And was it
really legal to buy a dual-deck recorder for the
express purpose of duplicating cassettes?

My answer to all of the above is, "I don't know."

Nonetheless, here is a formal statement in
some kind of legalize that appears to apply
to this kind of file availability:

The songs on this site are copyrighted by their respective artists and are placed here
for evaluation purposes only. No profits or sales are made on this site from their use.

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