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The E.Newspaper By Dr. Howdy, Ph.D. A.P.E., N.U.T.
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A traveling salesman was passing through a rural town in Vermont and decided to take a little time out in order to have some clothes cleaned in a hurry. The town only had three streets so he was able to quickly locate a shop with a sign that read, "Cleaning and Pressing, 24-Hour Service".
After explaining his needs, he said, "I'll be back for my suit tomorrow."
"Won't be ready til Saturday," replied the proprietor.
"But I thought you had 24-hour service," the customer protested.
"I do, son," the proprietor said. "But I only work eight hours a day. Today's Thursday....... eight hours today, eight hours Friday, eight on Saturday. That's 24-hour service."
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BOY : Since we met, I can't eat or drink... GIRL : Why not ?? BOY : I'm broke.
BOY : May I hold your hand?? GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Did you miss me while I was away?? BOY : Were you away??
GIRL : Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night?? BOY : What time was it??
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me! BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring?? BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.. BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple..
CAROL : Do you remember when you proposed to me? I was so overwhelmed, I couldn't speak for an hour.. PETER : Yes Darling, that was the happiest hour of my life...
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.. BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you! GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you! GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
Man : You remind me of the sea. Woman : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting? Man : NO, because you make me sick.
Wife : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other. Husband : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
Jimmy : Mom, can I have two piece of cake? Mom : Certainly. Take this piece and cut it in two.
The Iranian General had grown increasingly anxious over rumors of an impending air strike by the Americans from neighboring Saudi Arabia. "Ahkmed," he ordered his aide-de-camp, "I want you to climb that mountain and report any signs of American military activity."
"Yes, General," replied Ahkmed. He trudged up the mountain, and as soon as he crossed the ridge he saw a squadron of planes heading their way. "There are many planes coming, General," he promptly radioed back.
"Friends or enemies?" the General demanded urgently.
Ahkmed again lifted his binoculars to the sky. "They're flying very closely together, General," he replied. "I think they must be friends."
A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die. Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and commanded him: "Tell me when you will die!"
The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him immediately, no matter what answer he gave. "I do not know when I will die," he answered finally. "I only know that whenever I die, the king will die three days later...."